You asked how Mark felt about living in the unicorn house, so I had him put his thoughts down in this post. Enjoy!

“How does Mark feel about all this?”

After taking in the pastels, the pinks, the unicorns, the furniture and decor of Doe’s apartment this is often among the first reactions. In a word, I feel great about it. Our apartment is celebratory, irrepressible and magical. Why would I have a problem with it? Let’s unpack it.

A lot of men feel that they need to be surrounded by constant reinforcements of “masculinity” to retain their sense of self worth. If your dwelling doesn’t exude testosterone, oh my god!!! But should we really define ourselves based on these expectations of what it is to be a man? If I want to wear pink, wear makeup, or a sparkling scarf – I will, and so should you! Think about the idea of “essentialism” – that all men are supposed to be aggressive, insensitive and tough and all females nurturing, communicative and social. It’s rigid and outdated at best, plus why do the girls get to have all the good qualities? :)

How does all this tie in with the apartment? Well, most people go through life not questioning gender roles. They believe it is their duty to play their part. I do have some “male” interests: I enjoy working out and lifting weights and I listen to a lot of ‘macho’ metal and rock n roll (if you can call Cinderella ‘macho’!). I have a room upstairs where I get to do all those things – with a poster of Marilyn Monroe lifting weights!

So what can you do if your man fears the unicorn? How do you convince him that magenta walls are not the end of the world?

  • 1. Consider

What are the alternatives? The “I don’t know what I want, but I don’t want this” position isn’t really a position at all. In our case, I didn’t have a grand vision for the house and Doe did. I wasn’t going to stomp on her vision while having none of my own, especially since I enjoy the color. There is no reason to be an obstructionist – right, guys?

  • 2. Divide

Your man may be creative and want a role in shaping the character of your home. If so, great – but what if you two have irreconcilable visions of an ideal home? You may need to invoke the wisdom of Solomon and split the house. Have separate areas. You can have your girly corner where you keep your outfits and accessories and he can have his. I, for instance, have my workout area where my weights, bench and stationary bike reside (and yes, that Marilyn poster). Doe almost never goes there so I really feel like it’s my own space.

  • 3. Discuss

If your man rejects the idea of any girliness in the house, it might be time to initiate a conversation on an uncomfortable subject. How big a role does a male identity play in his life? Is his having that identity important to you? What about your female identity? Are ALL gender roles bad? Are they all good? Is manliness so fragile that colors can smother it?

I hope this helps some of you gain a deeper understanding of your relationship, yourself, and maybe get your house looking a little more… gleeful?

Cheers, my Deers, and Happy New Years!

Mark

Deerlings: how does your man feel about  your decor choices? Are you on the same page? How do you deal with the differences?