The original IT girl, Clara Bow

We’ve all been there: an unexpected hair cut pushes you to explore a style you haven’t considered before! When I received this question, I loved it so much that I decided to get a “professional’s” opinion: when it comes to all things 20s and 30s, my friend Shien is as close to being an expert as you can get!

In a fit of boredom, I chopped off all my hair last week– and in the process, I accidentally gave myself a flapper-esque bob. I love my new ‘do, and I think it would be perfect for a 20’s chic getup. The problem is this: walking around in a flapper dress and a feathered headdress every day isn’t really an option, and the only items I seem to have in my closet are skinny jeans and camis. Is there any way that I could update my wardrobe to get a cool, vintage vibe, without looking like I’m off to a Halloween party?
-Cimone

Dear Cimone,

The 1920s bob is a great look, and chic retro attire suitable for daily wear isn’t necessarily expensive or difficult to acquire. Flappers in the 20s didn’t wear their fringe dresses and feathered headdresses all day and night, after all, and an eBay search for “1920s daydress” will yield many promising results. As much as I love vintage clothing, however, the truly beautiful and well-preserved vintage pieces can be quite costly and it may be difficult to find a unique piece you like in your size. To expand your search options, there exist a number of contemporary clothing companies that offer vintage reproduction or vintage inspired clothing such as Pin Up Girl Clothing and Babygirl Boutique. Although you’ll find more reproduction vintage boutiques online specializing in 1940-50s style fashion, the vintage glamour afforded by this style will nevertheless charmingly compliment your new retro hairstyle.  If you are specifically interested in 1920s fashion, I highly recommend Leluxe Clothing, which specializes in quality reproductions of Art Deco evening and daywear.

The good news is, your bob already makes a retro statement on its own, so even contemporary fashion with a romantic look can evoke vintage chic if paired with the right shoes and accessories, such as classic pumps, floral fascinators, and vintage or vintage style jewelry (ie, pearl necklaces and earrings, brooches, etc). Finally, never forget the transformative properties of makeup to enhance your outfit! The trend of the time was to wear lipstick of the reddest red, for which you can rely on Lime Crime’s Retrofuturist, carefully applied to accentuate your shapely cupid’s bow. The bottom lip should be extended in length but minimized in width for the vixenish, ready-to-be-kissed effect. Dramatic smokey eye makeup was in, with thin, high arched and downward sloping eyebrows painted over pale skin, neatly powdered and rouged at the cheekbones. Makeup can be downplayed for more casual occasions, applying a simple cat-eye look on the eyes in lieu of the full smokey eye, but a good red lipstick can be relied upon for all occasions.

Candice

For more retro fashion inspiration, look into attending some vintage lifestyle events going on in your city. Swing dance events usually attract a number of vintage fashion enthusiasts, and with the burlesque and cabaret revival that has been taking place in the past decade, it’s easy to meet up with other vintage style aficionados for tips and inspiration. Vintage magazines and online forums like Zelda and The Fedora Lounge also offer a wealth of style tips for the modern flapper. You’ll soon find that there is a vibrant community of vintage culture enthusiasts who, like you, love the vintage look and have incorporated it into their daily look!

Yours truly,

Shien
Dances of Vice

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Every time I walk outside in my neighborhood or somewhere downtown, men driving by in their cars or walking by me have the tendency to whistle and holler obscene things at me, or sometimes they just leer at me in a really skeezy way. I mean, it’s flattering to have someone tell you they think you’re pretty or something, but it’s another thing to have someone yell out how much they want to have sex with you. I don’t even dress provocatively or anything. It always irks me because I want to say something but I don’t want to get myself into a predicament, especially since I’m a small girl and I’m always paranoid I’ll get raped.

I was wondering if you had any tips for girls in these types of situations.

Meri

“American Girl In Italy” by Ruth Orkin

There is a famous photograph by Ruth Orkin, depicting a young woman walking down the street as a group of men whistles. Cat-calling has been going on for centuries: single women of all ages, shapes, sizes and races having to endure unwanted attention from men. No matter what you wear, where you go, or how attractive you are, if you’re a woman, eventually you’ll have to deal with this.

Let’s cut right to the chase and take a look at why some men do it. I asked a couple guys for insight and they all seem to think it’s done for  the same reason: machismo, signaling primarily to other males that they are hyper-sexual because they believe this is what’s expected of them. Rarely will you see a guy yelling sexual remarks at you across the street when he’s on his own. This type of behavior usually occurs in men who are surrounded by their male friends. He is not hollering at you per se as much as he is posturing for his friends.

To men reading this: no hook-up ever resulted from obnoxious yelling. Just thought I’d put that out there.

So how do you deal with this caveman behavior? The best thing to do is to ignore it and keep moving. (If it’s coming persistently from the same person, it might indicate a bigger problem such as stalking, and you might want to reach out to authorities in your city/school/place of business where this occurs.) While the idea of responding might seem appealing – especially for those of us with a quick wit! – it is ill-advised. All you accomplish by this is prolonging the unpleasant interaction, which could degenerate further into trading insults. You definitely don’t want to engage them a-la Christina Aguilera & Lil’ Kim.

You mentioned your fear of getting raped. I hesitate to discount any potentially threatening situation, but the majority of rapes are perpetrated by people the victim knows. If a stranger was to sexually assault you, they would probably avoid attracting attention to themselves by shouting sexually-charged comments. Of course, there are exceptions and it’s all the more reason to keep moving and not engage.

Can you protect yourself from cat-calls? Not really. But, you can minimize them by having a friend – especially a male friend – accompany you. Stay vigilant & stay safe!

Deerlings: how do you manage these situations?

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I go to a private school, and I know I am very privileged to do so, but the uniform is suffocating me. They ban all “unnatural” hair colors, any piercings besides the ears, “distracting” or “flashy” jewelry or hair accessories, the polo shirt looks like a sack, and the pleated skirt is both sexist and impractical as it is unbearably hot during the summer and freezing during the winter. I have been ordered publicly and loudly in the middle of the hallway or during class to remove a small colored hair clip. The boys however are allowed a choice between pants and shorts. I asked about changing the dress codes so that girls are allowed to wear pants… I not only found out that women are completely not allowed to be on the board of directors, but was told that pants and pants under skirts looked “frumpy”, “ununiform”, and was told that my “rebellion and disrespect” were unappreciated.

My mother is not supportive of my clothing at all, telling me that I look trashy, freakish, or just plain ugly, even refusing to let me go out in public with her unless I changed. I was not dressed inappropriately, and I had been very happy with the rainbow I was displaying. She’s even gone on to threaten to cut up my favorite clothes (which I bought with my own money) if I continue to wear them and asked my boyfriend why he’s not embarrassed to be seen with me or show me off to his friends, and my friends why they let me dress like I do. She tells me I look like a clown with my makeup (which is actually a lot less than many other girls my age wear) and at 100 lbs tells me I’m gaining weight. She completely discourages my art and tries to cut me off from some friends because she thinks they encourage this behavior, and constantly tells me to “act/dress my age” or that she “hopes I get out of this phase”.

I’ve tried to talk to her and my father, but they never listen and mostly offer up ridiculous punishments, or tell me that problems I have with them are all my fault and how I should act (and cater to them) to fix it, when I am respectful, cordial, and helpful to them a majority of the time.

Do you have any advice on how to handle these problems (without getting grounded or expelled)? Any responses to things my mother says? You’re truly an inspiration to me, and I’d love to hear your take.
Your deerling, Lisie

Dear Lisie,

Some people find comfort and a sense of belonging in uniforms. In fact, most people probably do. Your parents certainly sound like the type, and they don’t understand why you must ‘rebel’ against such a convenience. But not all of us are made the same way. Being raised in Soviet Russia, I spent most of my youth in a uniform – and, just like you, always had a problem with it. I’ve tried shortening it, adding more ruffles and lace, wearing a purple dress instead of the navy blue. Truth is, if you’re an individualist, no matter how pretty the uniform, it will eventually become repressive and wear you out – no pun intended.

I believe that we, as humans, have a need to express ourselves – some stronger than others. When forced into a homogenized look, we are robbed of our personalities and become cattle-like. This is exactly how I felt grades 1 through 11. My teacher even disliked my ear lobes being pierced at 7 and took out my ear-rings and put them in my pencil box!!! I was sent home and had my parents summoned several times for wearing pants, makeup and even an unusual hairstyle. Ouch.

Soviet school uniform | Img via Flickr

It breaks my heart that you cannot find support in your parents and meet so much resistance when you try to explain yourself. They really must think that to conform is the best course of action for you – after all, it’s worked out well for them. But you need to understand that you are not like them and the same methods won’t work for you. You ought to make your own path and not let them break you down, otherwise you’ll be miserable.

I know it’s hard to be confined to daydreaming while you’re still stuck in school – and worse, a uniform – but please remember that while you may not be able to dress how you like, you can always think how you like. Your thought process is something no one can control but you. Think different; think outside the box, every day – you don’t need their approval. Express yourself through writing, drawing, designing – so that one day you may unbottle your fountain of ideas and take the world by STORM! Hang in there, babe! ♥

Deerlings: did you ever have to wear a uniform?

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I was really hoping you could take just a few minutes out of your time to tell me how you got yourself out there and known. I’m working on a project myself and just can’t seem to get it off of the ground. How do I get my name out there, how do I get myself in a position to be noticed? If you could just take a few minutes and give me any advice you have to offer that would be so incredibly helpfully!

- Christine

Dear Christine,

It’s very brave of you to ask this since most people would probably see this type of a question as ‘fame-seeking’. However, it’s clear that it’s not a matter of self-aggrandizement to you, and for that reason I think you have an excellent chance at succeeding.

What you’re essentially asking here is how to build a brand. There are tons of articles on branding already written, but I’m going to keep mine as un-corporate and un-complicated as possible.  There are 3 basic components:

• Great product/service
• Strong message
• Consistent approach

Great product/service

Whatever your product is, I’m sure you already think it has a place in the world. The next step is to make sure it’s excellent! (I’m not saying your product is not good enough; it’s just a matter of testing it out in the real world). This stage is fairly easy: all you need to do is to put it out there and take in feedback. Does it meet, exceed or underwhelm expectations? Is it priced right? How can it be made better? While your business is still in low-risk stages, use this to collect as much information as you can and improve. You’ll know it’s working by the reaction you’ll get!

Strong message

Every company has a message – what’s yours? What is the reason you started your brand? Maybe you saw a niche in the market or maybe you wanted to put a new, refreshing spin on the same old? Either way it’s a legitimate reason. However, formulating a definitive message and sticking to it is what will help you advance further. A good message is unique,  simple, something people can relate to, but most importantly, it must be something you strongly believe in! For example, my message is that color is awesome and the brighter, the better! :)

Consistency, or Keeping it Going

This is something people tend to have the most trouble with. Once you have your product and your message together, it’s time to get it out there. Most like to give it one big push and after they don’t see amazing results, get discouraged and give up. Don’t expect results right away. Just one push, no matter how big, is never enough; it’s about a series of small, consistent pushes. Be prolific, network, help others out – and whatever you do, nurture those who believe in you – they are your greatest asset!

Success doesn’t happen overnight. I began building my online presence and, consequentially, my brand in 2004 and didn’t see it take off until 2009. During those 5 years, I’ve tried many different things – from fashion to music to makeup tutorials – but never strayed too far from my core message: color and individuality. Sometimes it’s just about finding the right fit. It’s a lot of hard work but it’s the kind of work that you enjoy doing, so it hardly feels like work at all.

In my experience, it takes anywhere from 2 to 5 years of daily activity to get your name out there; longer if you want to expand outside the internet. Speaking of the internet: use it! It’s your most powerful tool which also happens to be completely free. Observe & learn from others who have had success with it – like Audrey Kitching, Tila Tequila and Jeffree Star (Regardless of what you may think of their work, these guys are undeniable self-marketing geniuses of the modern age.). Best of luck to you, Christine! xo

For the curious: Nubby’s blog is pretty much dedicated to branding with numerous great articles on the subject.

Deerlings: if you have any questions on self-marketing, feel free to ask here!

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I am on my freshman’s year in college and I met this awesome guy with whom I could have endless conversations and we were alike in so many ways I couldn’t help but sort of falling in love with him. For some reason he decided to quit college and go do something else, after only two months of us having first met. We still chat online very often and have long, deep conversations and right then I feel like I could tell him everything, about how I feel yet I’m afraid. I’m afraid because I have absolutely no idea how he feels about me.

I can say for sure that he lacks a good deal of self-esteem. He’s one of those guys in whom most girls see nothing of attractive (obviously because they fail to look inside). He’s confessed that he suffered real bad heartbreaks in the past and that has never had a girlfriend, to start with.

Now, me, not to sound full of myself (I’m actually not at all) but well, I am a photographic model and know from feedback that my looks are above average. And believe it or not, this is one of the reasons why I think he feels like there will never be a chance for the two of us. Because he thinks he’s worse than me, because he thinks I’m too good for him, that I’d never really notice a guy like him… and ironically, he’s indeed the one that I like! But you can tell his insecurity around girls. He sits at least five feet away from them, he doesn’t compliment them, he doesn’t even shake hands or kiss to say goodbye.

How could I let him know he is special without being too obvious or sounding desperate? Is it okay for a girl to make the first move and show him she’s interested?

Jessica

Dear Jessica,

I’ll cut right to the chase: guys who are painfully shy at first usually step up to the plate once they realize that you are interested! The myth how a woman shouldn’t make the first move is outdated and too passive for a modern woman to accept. Plus, guys that appear dorky or insecure on the surface often end up real sweethearts with a lot to offer! So if your love interest is too shy around girls, the ball is in your court, literally – so grow a pair and ask him out already!!! :-D

As for being physically more attractive than your partner. You may have noticed that supermodels rarely date supermodels. Being in the superficial industry, they know what it’s like to be the target of one-dimensional appreciation and know to look beyond mere appearance. It sounds like you are intuitively doing it already.

Think of your guy as a diamond in the rough. Once the debris of insecurity have been brushed away and his self-esteem polished by your TLC, you’ll have a sparkling young man on your arm!

Deerlings: have you ever made the first move? How did it work out?

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