I once got a very atypical email. Most emails in my inbox are from girls, but this one was from a guy:

“Dear Doe, I am part of that 1% of males that frequent your wonderful blog. I want to know what you think about boys wearing makeup. Is it acceptable for you. And how do you make it acceptable for everyone else that doesn’t want to talk to you because it’s “weird”. It’s easy for girls to have a cool style of their own, even if it is slightly weird, that’s what makes it cool. If boys want to dress up everyday, it would be too odd to spend more than an hour getting ready, and then they would be frowned upon and seen as a freak! It’s unfair! I love makeup, it’s so creative and heaps of fun. -Xander Catt”

That email sat in my inbox for a long time, until I finally found the perfect person to answer it. Anna, our Intern Extraordinaire, has a wide range of interests – one of which is men who wear makeup. Here is what she had to say.

Dear Xander Catt,

Thank you for writing and being a part of that 1% who believes in more than just skin care or ‘malicure’! Please continue being the person that you are and don’t try to please everyone. A lot of men fear makeup as they feel it takes away their masculinity. This wasn’t always the case. Centuries ago men applied powder and blush to their face to show off and represent their nobility. In that regard, they were equal to women (unfortunately that equality didn’t extend beyond makeup). In the times when first impressions and appearances matter more than ever, it’s no surprise that the subject of men in makeup is once again a hot topic.

Personally, I adore men who apply black eyeliner to their lids because it shows their confidence and their interest in fashion and art. They are not afraid of being called ‘feminine’ or ‘gay’ because they know it’s not about what others think of them, but their own vision. There are men out there who are freakishly good at makeup, in fact some of my favourite make-up artists are males, and very much integrated in the makeup business.

Versailles: an all-boys band!

Incidentally, Japanese Rock (also called ‘J-Rock’ or ‘Visual Kei’) is famous for its vibrant and uniquely-styled bands. Those unfamiliar with this music genre might mistake the band members for females. The band Versailles for example has the most fabulous costumes and ,SuG’ members wear crazy make-up at all times. They have many fans because they express themselves from the point of confidence. There are even Japanese magazines – like Cure – who invite J-Rockers to explain how they do their make-up!

An Afro-German male friend of mine recently unhesitatingly accepted my offer to give him a make-over. He has a girlfriend but shows a strong interest in colours and beauty (he is a photographer). In his opinion, make-up is a-must to emphasize a man’s masculinity, and he hopes “men and make-up will become one again in the following years, not only because of gender equality and fairness, but also because it’s a fun something they could have in common with women.”

Yours,

Anna

Deerlings: who are your favorite men in makeup?

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You may remember Glendy from an interview we did earlier. Her recent article, I Refuse to Buy a Wedding Dress!, made some waves in the blogosphere and I immediately wanted to hear more of her thoughts on the issue. The subject of love and frugality is one that is rarely discussed – in fact, the gifts we can afford our significant others are often wrongly perceived as an indicator of how much we care. But when it comes to celebration of LOVE, does it really matter how much we spend?

Carnival Wedding | via weddingchicks

Written by Glendy del Cid

I am tired of watching TV wedding shows that showcase future brides getting into pathetic fits and a load of debt over their big fat wedding. The exaggerated attention to detail of pistachio gift boxes makes my stomach churn and don’t even get me started on the outrageous prices of wedding dresses and reception venues!  Aside from the TV wedding drama, ahem (WE TV), many newly engaged couples are cutting back on their wedding expenses due to the economy or the simple realization that they do not need to spend thousands of dollars to celebrate their union.

Henry and I got engaged last October. As the months pass by, we are still debating on what type of a wedding to have:  like many people right now, we are on a tight budget and refuse to get financial help from our families. This means not only will we have to cover the entire cost of our wedding ourselves, we will also need some funds left to begin our life together.  One thing we both agree on is this: a huge wedding that cost a down payment on a house is out of the question.

Initially, we thought of getting married at our neighborhood church, but got overwhelmed with the idea of months and months of preparation – not to mention the fact that we don’t share the same faith! (My fiance is Korean and I am from Guatemala.)  Although my family is very religious and his parents are not, both sides understand that as long as we love each other, the ceremony is something secondary. Don’t get me wrong – I believe that having a ceremony is important but a non-religious ceremony can represent a loving union between two people just as well.

Our second concern is the reception itself. After looking at venues and catering halls all over town we have concluded that dropping 20K+ for a small, simple wedding is simply ridiculous.  I cannot bear to think that we could be spending half of our earnings on a venue and on food that won’t even be so great. The problem is, most places that carry the name “wedding” are almost automatically more expensive. So what do you do? You explore some outside-the-box options.

• The At-Home reception

Do you have a friend or relative with a large backyard or know someone with an empty loft apartment?  If so, I couldn’t think of a better place to have an intimate and fun reception! In an outdoor backyard, you can set the atmosphere to your unique liking and may even get away without renting a tent, weather permitting. In a lofty apartment you can rent the tables, linens and even have enough money for decorations and other pretty things. Just remember to keep your noise level down or grouchy neighbors might rain on your parade!

Pros: intimate, low-cost
Cons: space constraints, noise level, you’ll have to clean up afterwards
Cost: $500-$9,000 (if you’re renting a tent and have upwards of 100 guests)

• The Restaurant/Buffet Reception

Many affordable family-owned restaurants will work with you to have an evening or morning reception, including catering or buffet-style setting, complete with drinks and desserts.  I was surprised when I searched through my area and asked local restaurants if they would hold a small wedding reception, and, incredibly, all of them said yes! They were happy to accommodate my budget, unlike many of the catering halls.

Pros: plenty of room
Cons: wait staff for drinks only, and your obnoxious drunken uncle may not fly.
Cost: $600-$1,000 to rent the space + $35-65 per guest

• The Unlikely venue

Img via Flickr

Whether you chose to do a carnival wedding, a picnic wedding or a toy store wedding (!), in the end it’s your day and it can be anything you want! Look into lounges, parks, local theaters – all these can offer a fantastic setting, depending on the feel you’re going for. I found a whimsical, almost forgotten theater in my area; I also came across some wonderful lounges, should we chose to go with a more laid-back feel.

Pros: memorable photos & interesting stories to tell!
Cons: takes some creative organizing, you will have to decorate the place yourself
Cost: $0-$5,000 (if you’re renting a theater/lounge)

DJ’s, live bands and music are not included in the cost, but you can always ask your friends to take care of DJ’ing or playing at your wedding!

• The food

Wherever venue you chose for  your reception, you’ll need food. I recommend ordering from a local restaurant or even having a potluck reception!  Yes, I said ‘potluck’! When I mentioned this to my cousin, she warned me it might look tacky, but the way I see it even an $100,000 wedding can look tacky if done wrong! Whatever you chose to do, remember that this is your wedding – not your grandparents’/aunt’s/uncle’s wedding, and is about your happiness. The rest will understand. :)

Potluck wedding | Img via Flickr

It’s easy to get overwhelmed worrying about the color of napkins and the shape of the wedding cake and lose focus of the main purpose of a wedding: a celebration of love. Don’t worry about having the perfect wedding – it doesn’t matter how much you spend, only how much you care for one another. And you don’t need to prove that love to anyone but each other. Like a friend of a friend said, “all my friends who had big weddings are ending up in divorce, and those who went to City Hall are still together.” The issue here is not about how splendid and perfect the wedding should be, because in the end a couple doesn’t need to prove to anyone their love for one another but only to themselves.

Henry & Glendy
Visit Glendy’s blog StyleAmor!

Curiouser & Curiouser:

• Should You Take His Name?
• Offbeatbride.com – for brides who think different!
• My wedding, how it came about and what Mark & I think about marriage

Deerlings: would you have a big wedding or settle for something more modest? Share your stories, tips & tricks!

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Rainbows shine for those who don’t care about the pot of gold.

I love rainbows. In addition to coming out right after the rain to bring the news of sunshine, they also show us a rainbow of possibilities. Even the tiniest rainbow carries all colors in the universe! I love surrounding myself with color – from clothes to books to wall paint – because it inspires creativity and makes you see things in a better, more positive light.

My love affair with color cosmetics began in the early childhood. My grandmother was a woman of a unique taste – her signature lipstick was a bright orange. But it wasn’t the kind of orange you see today, leaning on red and coral, but a simple, unpretentious orange. I remember fantasizing about that Soviet piece of cosmetics – how awesome would it be to actually try it on. Of course, playing with adults’ makeup was strictly forbidden so it wasn’t until I was about 5 of 6 that I finally got my sticky fingers on it. Filled with unspeakable delight, I smeared the lipstick across my pout, but, being inexperienced, pressed on too hard and broke it. I probably got in trouble, but what remained in my memory is the enchanting feeling of possessing a beauty item. When you’re 6, nothing can make you forget the worries of the world than the right shade of lipstick. Some things never change.

Moths & Butterflies

As I proceeded into my adolescence, I noticed that color became more and more sparse. All the bright hues were now reserved for toddlers and preschoolers, and it became increasingly difficult to find a pink jacket with a unicorn on the back. I felt cheated out of color and found escape in making clothes for Barbies. As I entered the world of grown-up cosmetics, things looked even more bleak:

The beige rainbow

An army of beige. Look around and you’ll be immediately confronted with it: nude lipstick, french manicures, the proverbial brown eyeshadow. I remember asking a sales assistant about a pair of brown false lashes they were selling. “These look more natural,” she said. Maybe she knew something I didn’t, but the idea of gluing on fake lashes to look ‘natural’ sounded absolutely absurd.  The Cult of Beige feeds on the assumption that neutrals look good on everyone, but that sure wasn’t true for me. Made up in grays and browns, I looked sickly, washed out, and felt not the least bit attractive. I wanted to be a butterfly but instead, all I could be was a moth. So where do all of the butterflies turn to?

Color Crisis of the cosmetic industry

The more I thought about it, the more I came to realize how much of a crisis the cosmetic industry is in. Companies are afraid of color -  and continue making the same shades they’d made for the past 50 years, in different packaging. I believe that color is essential when it comes to beauty. It can be used to enhance features, conceal imperfections, and even just for fun – isn’t that what makeup should be about? Color range is more or less explored in eyeshadows, but  it came to lipstick, companies acted as if they’d never seen a rainbow! To illustrate my point, I made this little diagram:

Common lipstick shades

This is what a typical lip colors spectrum look like. As you can see, browns, beiges and reds are extremely well-represented, but the rest is pretty much shunned. Makeup companies deem colors outside this ’safe’ range too bright, too unwearable and, by extension, unmarketable. As a result, you almost never see any shades outside the safe range. Now, I have no problem with neutrals per se. There is a place for them – foundations, concealers, powders, and bronzers are all based on the shades you naturally find in our skin – but shouldn’t we be allowed to have more fun with eyes and lips?

Meet the Wizard

We’re off the see the Wizard…

Everyone knows the story  of Wizard of Oz. Dorothy and friends set off to find the amazing Wizard of Oz, who allegedly runs the Emerald City and has the ability to grant them their wish. I always wondered if there was some kind of a Wizard pulling the strings in cosmetics, someone who decides which shades are ok and which too crazy. And then I realized how ridiculous that was. There should be no Wizard! We should be the ones to decide what colors we want to wear! Someone is holding the rainbow hostage – and so I set off to find out who.

What I discovered that there, indeed, was a Wizard. And he happened to be of sexist tendencies. Did you know that MAC, Estee Lauder, Lancome and most major makeup companies are run by men? That’s right: the industry that makes female-centric products is dominated by men – and not the fabulous gay variety, either – who have no passion for cosmetics! How can we trust them to dictate our beauty trends??

This is not the end of the saga but only the beginning. I will find my rainbow – in the meanwhile, I’m building my own mini-version in the hopes that one day it will grow big and light up the world.

Deerlings, what do you think of men running the makeup business?
I think it’s time for a change. There is nothing inherently wrong with men being involved in cosmetics, but perhaps we could all benefit from a bit of a female perspective.

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You asked how Mark felt about living in the unicorn house, so I had him put his thoughts down in this post. Enjoy!

“How does Mark feel about all this?”

After taking in the pastels, the pinks, the unicorns, the furniture and decor of Doe’s apartment this is often among the first reactions. In a word, I feel great about it. Our apartment is celebratory, irrepressible and magical. Why would I have a problem with it? Let’s unpack it.

A lot of men feel that they need to be surrounded by constant reinforcements of “masculinity” to retain their sense of self worth. If your dwelling doesn’t exude testosterone, oh my god!!! But should we really define ourselves based on these expectations of what it is to be a man? If I want to wear pink, wear makeup, or a sparkling scarf – I will, and so should you! Think about the idea of “essentialism” – that all men are supposed to be aggressive, insensitive and tough and all females nurturing, communicative and social. It’s rigid and outdated at best, plus why do the girls get to have all the good qualities? :)

How does all this tie in with the apartment? Well, most people go through life not questioning gender roles. They believe it is their duty to play their part. I do have some “male” interests: I enjoy working out and lifting weights and I listen to a lot of ‘macho’ metal and rock n roll (if you can call Cinderella ‘macho’!). I have a room upstairs where I get to do all those things – with a poster of Marilyn Monroe lifting weights!

So what can you do if your man fears the unicorn? How do you convince him that magenta walls are not the end of the world?

• 1. Consider

What are the alternatives? The “I don’t know what I want, but I don’t want this” position isn’t really a position at all. In our case, I didn’t have a grand vision for the house and Doe did. I wasn’t going to stomp on her vision while having none of my own, especially since I enjoy the color. There is no reason to be an obstructionist – right, guys?

• 2. Divide

Your man may be creative and want a role in shaping the character of your home. If so, great – but what if you two have irreconcilable visions of an ideal home? You may need to invoke the wisdom of Solomon and split the house. Have separate areas. You can have your girly corner where you keep your outfits and accessories and he can have his. I, for instance, have my workout area where my weights, bench and stationary bike reside (and yes, that Marilyn poster). Doe almost never goes there so I really feel like it’s my own space.

• 3. Discuss

If your man rejects the idea of any girliness in the house, it might be time to initiate a conversation on an uncomfortable subject. How big a role does a male identity play in his life? Is his having that identity important to you? What about your female identity? Are ALL gender roles bad? Are they all good? Is manliness so fragile that colors can smother it?

I hope this helps some of you gain a deeper understanding of your relationship, yourself, and maybe get your house looking a little more… gleeful?

Cheers, my Deers, and Happy New Years!

Mark

Deerlings: how does your man feel about  your decor choices? Are you on the same page? How do you deal with the differences?

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There’s one issue that rolls around the holidays every year, and it affects most women I know: body image.  With all the festivities going on and amazing food accompanying them, we worry about gaining weight – which, frankly, kills the holiday glee!

Prompted by British Style Bloggers‘ Fashion Activism Campaign, I wanted to talk about dealing with self-image. As a model, the pressure to stay thin can be tremendous – all the food looks irresistible but the thought of not fitting into an outfit is scary and embarrassing. You really can’t win: not eating makes you feel deprived & eating makes you feel guilty. Sound familiar, anyone? This emotional yo-yoing can take a toll on your self-esteem and cost you your confidence.

The truth is that no matter how confident we may appear on the outside, body image is something we all feel strongly about. Some of the fittest and most beautiful people I know all have insecurities pertaining to their body. If you ask me, if has less to do with the media than some would want us to believe – we just want to be loved and wanted, and being fit & attractive is one way of achieving it! But there’s another: confidence. More often than not, the way we carry ourselves plays a way more important role than our waist measurement.

Erica, leader of Team Candyfuture

My friend and assistant Erica is a major inspiration to me. Some people might call her ‘pudgy’, but that doesn’t stop Erica from being the most gleeful, positive, warmest person I’ve ever met! Let’s face it: none of us are 100% satisfied with our looks. But, if you take good care of yourself and present yourself with confidence, you will always make a fantastic impression!

A girl from ModelMayhem emailed me today (also a model), congratulating me on posting my real weight and measurements on my profile. For some reason it never occurred to me that one could post fake information on that site. It’s like submitting a picture of your hot cousin on a dating site – never works and always backfires. The first step to fighting an insecurity is facing it. That’s right, own up to it babe! If you’ve gained a couple pounds, have a large nose, frizzy hair, or crooked teeth, let’s say it out loud! But the twist is, you must add “so what!” to it. Doesn’t it feel so liberating???

The second step is realizing that just because you have this particular flaw, it’s not the end of the world. Having big hips doesn’t automatically prevent you from getting a boyfriend/girlfriend & being happy – poor self-esteem does. Being short doesn’t mean you’ll never be taken seriously – being afraid to speak up does. Life is a constant movement of things – some within, some outside our control – and if we can affect change in some way, we should. Once you have stated your flaws and decided you are still unhappy about them, don’t be afraid to do something about it. It’s within you.

In closing, I’d like to share a photo from one of the happiest moments in my life: Christmas with my family. This photo was taken last year and incidentally, captures me at my curviest. I’m pudgy – so what! :D

Deerlings: I encourage you all to post your imperfections + “So What!” in this thread, anonymously or not. Here’s to feeling good about ourselves!

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