I admire your style and your free spirit so much. I’m more like that in some ways today than I ever have been, but I still kind of have a problem. First off, I’m not particularly pretty. I’m actually pretty funny looking. And I’m 30 now, which adds some cultural expectations that I’m not sure it’s appropriate for me to attempt to contravene. I want to wear the things I find fascinating and I want to do bold things with my makeup and hair — but I also don’t want to be ridiculous. Help?
Meg
Dame Edna.
Dear Meg,
It’s rare to hear from someone who is closer to my age group (I’m 28, just 2 years shy of 30!). :) A few months ago I did a similar article on the subject on looking age-appropriate. It all starts with our mother saying, “You’re a big girl now…” and before we know it, we’re expected to act like a certain number. If you accept this, then there isn’t much you can do. But if you don’t… what IF you don’t…??
What if we lived in a world that allowed us to be anything we want to be as long as we’re not hurting anyone? What if there was a place where looking different wasn’t such a crime? What if our age didn’t come with a description of how we need to behave in order not to be made fun of? Let’s dream a little: in your ideal Candyfuture, at the age 50, are you settled down and leading a suburban life? Grand kids, a husband, a job where you’re expected to look a certain way? We all feel the need to fit in sometimes – there is nothing wrong with wanting stability and normalcy in your life. But are you fitting in and finding enjoyment in it? If the answer is yes, then you’re fine. Have fun with your hair/wardrobe on weekends, throw an occasional costume party and enjoy yourself! Having a more accepted ‘exterior’ is how most people live, it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun in the safety of your own home!
However! If you fail to picture yourself as anything but a lilac-haired, umbrella-collecting character at 65, then it’s a different story.
I often get asked what I think I will look like when I’m older. “Exactly like I do now, but 10x amplified” is what I say. My dress style a compilation of all looks I’d gone through through the years, stacked on top of each other like a pile of hotcakes. The further I go, the taller and more diverse the pile grows. My life experiences and how I interpret them through clothes is what makes me, me – so in a way I can’t wait to see me at 50! If things progress how I expect them to, it certainly won’t be boring. And when I’m really old – on the outside, never on the inside – and rocking a walker at 80, I’m pretty sure I’ll have powder-blue hair and rock that, too.
Will I look ridiculous? Probably. Too bad I’ll be too busy having fun to care.
Whew – what a bit of perspective can do sometimes, eh? The big 3-0 is only the beginning. You don’t have to make the decision right now – you still have a good 5-10 years to wear short skirts, sexy makeup, and not care! Think of your 30s as a grand entrance to a ball – and you are going to have a ball no matter what!
As for your ‘not pretty’ question. The whole idea of fun is to try to look our best, or what we think is best. Doing so will give you confidence to put it out there, and translate flaws into uniqueness. I’m a big fan of LaRoux‘s; she may not have a model face but she knows how to work it and that makes her attractive.
Deerlings: how do you picture yourself at 50? 60? 80?
I picture myself as being much the way I am now, although with greys either in my hair–which I’m hoping will be long enough to fall past my hips and closer to my knees–or starting in (and boy have I earned those), quite possibly a little less weight on my bones, and still being able to wear a corset with fabulous results. I don’t hold it as a “must be this way” but more as a “it’d be quite nice to be this way”. By the time I’m 80, I’d like my hair to be a nice medium to silvery grey that is still really rather long. And I’ll go about my life with a smile on my lips. :)
I think I will look pretty much like a crazy old woman. In fact, I wait for it! I’ve always admired all those old women who looks like they have the most interesting internal lives. Eccentric Is one word I think. I’m only 21 now, but people are already saying that I should dress my age (meaning stop wearing tulle, dress up in flapper-garb and stop painting my face like I’ve run off from a circus) but this is who I am! And I’m having to much fun thinking about cool outfits to stop. I already have white hair, så that won’t change, but I hope it will grow longer (why do all old ladys cut their hair short?), and I’ll probably wear more practocal shoes but I don’t think my use of make-up and my love for satin, velvet, beadworks and all things old mixed with the gothic infuences from my teenage years will ever go away. I can’t just picture myself in a pair of blue jeans…
I always saw myself with long gray hair, usually in a braid. probably because I’ve had long hair most of my life and I still love it, even though I tried the short thing and I think it looks good too. almost everyone above 40 cuts their hair into this odd, masculine pixie cut kind of thing and I’ve always been ultra-feminine. I’d never feel like myself.
also, I see myself as being one of those old lady artist types, but the peaceful, zen kind, not the 20,000 colors and 5,000 cats kind.
Doe, you are incredible.
I picture myself still wearing wild make up. I DONT CARE! Like you said I will be having too much fun! And probably having purple hair too. LOL
well…..dame edna is bit too much
http://www.monikapoppy.com/
MONIKA POPPY
LIVING IT UP AND BLOGGIN IT DOWN
IN LONDON TOWN!
I’m probably closer to it than any of you – I just turned 43. Right now I wear my hair in a kind of short bob. It has gone white in front, but that is often covered up with purple or turquoise hair dye. I love bright colors and make some of my own clothes from fanciful prints – I haven’t really been able to find ready-made clothes that suit my extreme tastes. Luckily I work in academia, where I have the freedom to express myself through my appearance. My boss is looking forward to seeing the turquoise lipstick I’ll be picking up when it goes on sale Oct 1! I’m sure my style will adapt as I get older, with comfort becoming a priority, but the essentials will remain the same. We all have our individual personalities and the world is a much more interesting place when we express them!
Oh, and if you haven’t already, I suggest checking out http://advancedstyle.blogspot.com/ – proof that “me” does NOT end at 30, 50, or even 80!
I just turned 30 this weekend, and regardless of societal expectations (which can totally get you down, I’ll admit), I’m so glad that I’ll get to re-live my twenties without being an idiot. I don’t FEEL any older. I mean, sure, my metabolism has changed a bit, but I’m still me…just better. :)
I’m 19 right now, but frankly, I can’t wait to be a crazy old woman, wearing my rainbow striped socks and crazy handknit hats.
Age is how you feel… or how you allow yourself to feel! I can’t wait to be in my 70s with long grey curly hair and the funkiest glasses you’ve ever seen. The most interesting people I know are the most eccentric and they don’t care what society wants them to be :) Good luck!
Wow I had no idea you were the same age as me! I am 28 also.
I expect at 50-80 I will still have multicolored shades of Blue hair because it somehow looks natural on me but will hopefully be easier to maintain not having to bleach as much as my hair will be grey underneath! I will still be wearing skirts and dresses in unusual shapes and combinations (I detest wearing jeans too much) Probably less makeup and more jewelry. Several memorable tattoos that I have yet to add to my body as I want them to be perfect. 3 grown children that will see me as an artistic inspiration not suburban humiliation of a mother and the most active grandmother hopefully still snowboarding given that my back hasn’t been totally destroyed by another accident on the slopes. Oh and hopefully I can catch up on all those Final Fantasy and Atlus Video games that I still haven’t finished but plan to while I am on maternity leave in the coming years! And perhaps a little less obsessed with Zombie’s as I age. As for the Job I hope to be a successful Fashion Designer that has dressed at least 10 Starlets for red carpet events and am the Head Chair of My Fashion department where I teach!
I remember the old lady that came shopping to the accessories store I was working at. First, the targeted custormers where no doubt young teenagers, but she would always buy tons of funky jewelry. And her clothes was quite extravagant. She would love to dress in one print from head to toe. She looked like she was having so much fun :P I also worked in an elderly house and believe me, there were a lot of styles and fashion going on there. I remember one that was so proud of her Louis Vutton bag and other designers things and the other one who had a collection of wolf shirt, one always more sparkly and colourful than the other ^.^ I say yeah to being old and eccentric
I’ve always hoped that my hair would go prematurely white, I have a passion for white hair. Hence my crush on Anderson Cooper…
I’ll be 30 in November and have never felt more fabulous or lovely, even post-bebe! It helps that everyone thinks i’m 22 but perhaps that is because I dress and “maquillage” based on how I feel inside. With age comes confidence, I have found. There has definitely been an evolution of my style and fully expect that trend to continue…
Love you Deer-Queen!
I was out for coffee with my great aunt (about 55?) not long ago and she told me she was off to a wedding in a few days and had just been out shopping for clothes. I asked her what she had bought for it, and she rummaged round in a box, pulled out a pair of sneakers and said “Well to start with, I’m covering these with glitter and patterns. Oh, and I’m dying my hair blue again.”
I’m going to see if I can find some photos next time I’m at her house!
Great advice. I’m about to be 35 (but I still look like I’m in my early 20s thanks to my petite size and very pale skin which has always forced me to stay out of sun) and I don’t think there is anything wrong with dressing fun and outrageous as long as it’s at appropriate times. I work in an office M-F 9-5 so I tone down my clothing for work (office casual environment..don’t have to wear a suit but I do need to look professional) and try to make sure all my tattoos are covered (I have many that are easile hid…legs, back) but on weekends and at night I dress however I want. My closet is defintely a mix of work appropriate clothes and club/fun clothes. I still hope to someday have a job where I can dress more like myself (my last job I could…I was even able to get away with pink streaks in my hair and didn’t have to cover up tattos) but right now I can’t. I need to look professional for my job. It sucks at times (I really miss my pink and blue streaks) but supporting myself with a good job and benefits is more important to me at this age.
i’m not looking forward to getting older but i do welcome it because why should we be afraid of getting older?? turning 40, 50, or 60 shouldn’t just be about senior discounts, gray hairs,and wrinkles. with age comes wisdom and clarity 2 things that take many years to acquire.
in addition to those qualities, retirement is also something to look forward to. my father is 65 and retired and although i can see he’s a little restless at times, he is a lot less stressed out. and my mom is 61 and still dresses as cute as ever (she shops at Forever21,Express,Vintage shops) and although she’s older she still maintains her spirit and sense of self.
PS. I picture myself as an old lady covered in tattoos with some outrageous color of hair.
It’s funny because every time my parents notice a new tattoo on me they say “what are you going to do when you get old and saggy and the ink is all faded?” I say I will get them fixed up and continue to love them.
i have a lot of tattoos, and i plan to be one of those tattoo covered old ladies. going to tattoo conventions and wearing a bikini. it should be awesome.
This summer, I went out in public a few times looking goofy- once with a painted on curly villain moustache (I was feeling sinister), another time in full Frieda Kahlo gear and rocking a fierce unibrow (aka the Majestic Eagle). Yanno what? Strangers went out of their way to tell me how happy my silly ensembles made them.
Do whatever the hell you want, no matter what you look like, no matter how old you are. Want sparkly shoes? Rock on. Purple hair? Even better. Be a jungle princess, a garden gnome, a space unicorn. If you find a particular look delightful, everyone else will be delighted with you. You will ooze happy, and it will be infectious.
Thanks.
I’m kind of lucky, I guess, in that most people say I look about 20 – 22, even if I am newly 30. And my best friend (for 14 years) is totally supportive and full of her own style spirit.
So today, I’ve still got the crazy raspberry hair, wild yellow nails and orange/yellow eyeshadow. I have to wear scrubs at work (hospital), so there’s not much I can do with that. But the rest is fair game. <3
Thanks again.
Thanks for posting a link to La Roux (french for “redhead”)… I like her!
HERE HERE!! There will be people who turn their noses, but don’t let them get to you. Do what you want and love what you do!
http://www.lacarmina.com/blog/
when i’m 60… hmm… either my hair will be hennared and poofy or either it’d be pink and poofy… xD
and hopefully i will gain a little weight and keep wearing colorful and poofy clothes…
and i like the word poofy^^
When I imagine my older self, not much is different. I know I’ll still be the same crazy otaku who dresses up for anime conventions and wears wild clothes on a daily basis. My love for makeup won’t be fading, either. And I’m determined to live in a house with lavender and yellow striped siding at which the neighbors will cringe.
I envision myself dying as an 80+ pink-haired granny of an overdose on the dance floor. I think the older I get, the wilder life will turn out. And one thing is certain: as soon as my naturally blond locks turn gray I’m going to dye them every colour of the rainbow!
I’m a little excited to see the older me. I don’t want to grow up anytime soon but when I do I hope to have a wardrobe of crazy colorful gauzy clothes and a million stories from traveling the world. I want to live in a slightly rundown overgrown Victorian house style near the beach filled with random artifacts from my travels and a lot of cats. I imagine myself looking a little like aunt Lilly from pushing daises.
I cant really imagine myself as an old lady…i do admire a certain “type” of old women though.
The ones that look amazingly elegant and poised no matter their years, with beautiful shiny eyes and soft wrinkled skin (oh, yes…i do love wrinkles), the ones that make me think that they were born strong and beautiful and will never stop being that!
Well, I’ve always loved the 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s style. I think that as I grow older, my style will match the “golden age” glamour, but also wearing extravagant, black, artistic clothes. Sort of a gareth Pugh version of a Pin-up. I think I’ll become this sort of artistic, avantgard Anna Wintour/ Miranda Priestley. And I’ll try not to dye my hair as soon as I get gray hair. I’m going to rock my long silver hair, even if it takes me all my youth to get it!
I’m SO EXCITED to be a crazy, fabulous old lady, and I guess I’m alright with being young for now.
It’s the idea of being being middle-aged that freaks me out.
I’m really glad you posted this. I just turned 29 last month, and it hit me HARD!! It’s not so much that I feel “old” – I just feel very “different.” I have the house (though not in suburbia) and for all intents and purposes have the marriage and will probably have the baby and the picket fence by next year as well, though because I want that and not because I’m interested in fitting a status quo…but lately I have been struggling with, “Am I too old to get away with wearing this or that?” I almost exclusively buy clothes in the juniors section because everything else seems too “old” to me. I enjoy watching “What Not to Wear” and seeing their self-esteem unfold on the show, but I would only wear a handful of those outfits myself because they look a little TOO put together, a little too orderly. While I may fall into the graphic tee and jeans trap too often because it’s comfy, at least they are cute tees (some of which I’ve designed) and jeans paired with funky sneakers and hoodies and, until recently, pink or purple hair. I’ve been internally lamenting my fast-approaching 30th birthday (okay, so I have almost a year) and feeling like I can’t “get away with” pink and purple hair and such anymore…but you’ve reminded me, why the hell not??!! And I already decided long ago that I WILL still have my nosering when I’m 50. :) I do want to be age-appropriate as in not trying to look way younger than I am in a desperate, obvious attempt to hold onto a fleeting youth, because getting older is not bad…but I don’t have to cross the threshold of 30 and decide that color and funkiness must come to an end either! So again…THANKS!! This is exactly what I needed! :)
Silver hair, lots of black and lots of leather. Lots of bright red, and lots of silver. Basically, me, only older.
Also, woot for La Roux! She is my hugest girl crush!
when my hair turns gray I’m going completely white on one side, and a vertical rainbow on the other side. I’ll still be singing in the shower (and everywhere else I go), and I will probably even still wear bright fishnets on occasion. This personality is going NOWHERE!
AND…
Get this, you mentioned La Roux (again :) ), so I followed the link, loved it, watched a few more videos of her, went to iTunes to check out her album/s and after listening to the samples and deciding to hunt down a hard copy, found that bulletproof is the itunes free single of the week! Meanwhile, you’ve added another album to my wishlist!
Briny Deep, I think I am going to wear a moustache tomorrow. You. Are. Brilliant. Thank you!
I’m on the downside of 36 with my 37th around Christmas. I wear Lime Crime makeup and tons of glitter. I wear heavy boots and sparkly heels and tiaras. Do I get strange looks? Oh Gods yes. My response?
My brightest smile and sometimes a curtsy. I’m learning still that you have to be true to yourself. If yourself is business suits and traditional hair, so be it. But if that isn’t you, then why become what you’re not?
At 80? I see myself with more ink, a drawer full of Lime Crime Glee and more boots than possibly hair on my head. And stock in L’Oreal because of all the hair dye over the years.
I think what kind of lifestyle you choose has a lot to do with how you “can” look, too. Doe, you’re a model and a make-up artist. You *have* to look awesome every day. :) It’s different for engineers, lawyers, etc. We can still look awesome, but within certain constraints if anyone’s going to take us seriously. ^^;
Of course, I want to be a fashion designer. Which will make me have to look awesome every day, too… which i don’t mind at all. xD
BTW, thank you for linking to La Roux. Never heard of her before… and she is awesome. I love her look: 80′s (which I usually HATE, but this is too awesome), frozen pompadours, futuristic, cameos (old meets new FTW!) and that lovely, boyish face to match that pretty voice. :D LOVED the “Bulletproof” video. 8D 8-bit pop is too awesome. ^^
I got so excited when I saw Edna, what with being an Australian and all. Hear the Nylon news and am so happy and excited for you.
I saw a lady of about 70 with candyfloss pink hair at the railway station last week. She was smiling and she was beautiful.
I love everyone’s response and knowing that there will be those who will continue to express their individuality whatever age they may be. :}
This was a well-timed post, if ever there was one.
-My mom, now of 55 yrs., recently came to me asking for help with makeup. She confided an interest in a “pop of color” for her eyes.
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been hunting around for reviews on this and that age-defying foundations, looking up tips and tutorials on age-appropriate makeup, etc.
So far my mom has been sticking to browns and light, ‘neutral’ shades, but I’ve been trying to convince her that she CAN wear brighter colors.
She seems to think that just because she’s getting older she can’t wear certain colors anymore. She’s not even comfortable wearing colorful nailpolish anymore, she feels like people will think she’s trying to look much younger than she is.
-Well who isn’t!?
I feel like I’ve jumped a hurdle with her though, I’ve got her wearing some purples and greens and fuschias, and she’s liking it.:D
Today is my 27th Birthday and I don’t feel one bit of 27. I honestly can’t put an exact age to myself..I guess I don’t feel too much different from when I was 18yrs. old. I look different, have gained some weight and my hair has darkened from a nice blond to a light reddish-brown, but I don’t ‘feel’ any different inside.
I’m still rocking my jewel tone shadows and even glitters recently.
What I see for my future senior-self…
I want to be the grandmother with the long, long white hair that tells fairy tales to her grandchildren. I want to dress comfortably, but have an “enchanted” air to my style. But I also still want to enjoy my blue jeans and comic book t-shirts.:D I want to wear long, velvet skirts with whispy silk and organza tops and beautiful big moonstone/silver jewelry.:D
My hair is currently down to my knees, so I’m nearly there, but no white or gray hairs to be seen yet.;D
I don’t plan to stop living and enjoying playing around with my appearance just because society dictates that I should. You don’t hit 50-60 and just fade away or lie down and die. You live it up ’cause by then, life is shorter and should be that much more sweeter.
I agree with others’ comments, you’re only as old as you let yourself feel. I try to tell this to my fiancee ‘all’ the time. But men are hard-headed sometimes. *chuckles softly*
Someone near the top commented about older women cutting their hair….most older women do this because their hair starts to thin out during/after menopause and it just doesn’t look as good anymore, so they cut it short to salvage what they can of it. That and I think some just don’t want to bother with it anymore, either.
And Doe, thank you so much for mentioning La Roux -I watched/listened to several of her videos on YouTube and I really like her style. While you’re right in that she doesn’t look like the contemporary model of Vogue, she is still very attractive and has a certain appeal to her.
-Her looks actually remind me quite a bit of Tilda Swinton, known for her role as Gabriel in “Constantine” and as the Winter Witch in “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe”. Could mainly be her dark eyes with her pale complexion, but I think it’s more than that.
Great post!!!
My Make-Up Community:
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Hi Doe!
Wonderful post! I’m 29 and I don’t look near 30 at all! In fact, I don’t even care: there is no such thing as age, there are only people. I look like I could be 20, or 25, depending on what I wear or how I do my makeup, but my youthfulness is down to my free spirited attitude and my kindness towards others (I’m not blowing my horn here, just commenting on how candeur and innocence conveys youthfulness a lot better than botox ever will!)
My mother is 63 and young men of 20 will turn and stare at her in the street, or even try to chat her up. She doesn’t have big boobs, nor does she try to be sexy, she is just fresh and vibrant (she lives on raw food and fresh carrot juice) and she is extremely intelligent, kind, funny and individual. I want to be like her when I grow up ;-)
Doe, I think you are an inspiration to all women, and I thank you for your wonderful contribution to this world. Long live Candyfuture!
Hey Doe- you must be jealous; I am seeing LaRoux next weekend in Melbourne, Australia!! Yes!! A lovely spring festival named Parklife- going to be totally fab.
Green yet?
Ha, the other day I was thinking about this, and I came to the realization that if I were to rock the same clothes and apartment decor at 70, I would really just look like a little old granny. My look at 24 can be best characterized as varying between a 70 year old transvestite and an excited 1980s first grader. Lots of lace, animal prints, bright lipstick and about a million antique bird prints. I think I’ll throw it all out for something completely new and equally age inappropriate when I’m actually 70 – maybe electric colored walls and deco decor, and american apparel unitards. Regardless, the best looking people, at any age, are the ones you look at and think “Woah. That lady/fella/etc is super fly!”
I picture myself myself as an old woman:
-with the loving caring nature of my mother
-my enduring smile
-The fun attitude of betsey Johnson
-The shock power of Vivienne Westwood
My hair will continue to be red, blond and if I get pure white hair I’ll rock it like it’s my birthday. I will wear fabulous heels. I’ll rock avant garde fashions and my cloths will always accentuate my hourglass shape.
i will probably be good-looking for my age (that runs in my family) with long hair, a decent sense of style, and a few too many cats.
I picture myself being the same, loving colors, fashion, candy, cupcake, glitter…IT”S me and i will not change for anyone. It’s not that i would not wear a two piece suit, but why compromise
myself and what i love because some people might think that is NOT MY AGE, LOL..at the age of 50, 60 i see myself still having red, pink,purple hair. Betsey Johnson is the perfect person who i can give as an example. She just turned 60, and wears clothes that many would consider great only on 25 years olds. How annoying.
And i agree if you are doing what you love and happy then that is what matters, but if you are wearing clothes you hate for others then it’s not healthy.
I agree I plan on dressing to hearts desire at 30. I often worry as I’m a few months away from 20 about not being able to dress like a teen anymore, but i’ve decided that I’m going to dress that way until I’m 25 because I’m not ready to give that up. I don’t think, as much as I tried, I got to enjoy fashion as much as some of my friends in highschool. I’m going to rock the purple and (at a seperate time)cherry red hair i’ve been wanting to and wear anything that covers me!
At 50 I see myself finnally with the kids off to college relaxing in some big house on the west coast, probably with a ridiculous ammount of pets my husband will have to look after if I have to shoot my latest show or film on a far away location. I’ll probably dress far less crazy but that doesn’t mean I won’t occasionally rock some outfit theat is supposed to be retired from you’re wordrobe at 45.
At 80 I’ll be skydiving. I’ll wear what’s comfortable for my adventures.
I’m 25 now. I’ll probably look the same way I do now when I’m 50…. red hair from a bottle, hot jeans, cute tops, coyboy boots. I might grow my hair back, it’s short now but I don’t know if i want to keep it this way.
There will probably be more wrinkles from having a fairly outdoor lifestyle ( I allready have some around my eyes, and think they’re damned cute!)