Doe Deere Blogazine

Every time I walk outside in my neighborhood or somewhere downtown, men driving by in their cars or walking by me have the tendency to whistle and holler obscene things at me, or sometimes they just leer at me in a really skeezy way. I mean, it’s flattering to have someone tell you they think you’re pretty or something, but it’s another thing to have someone yell out how much they want to have sex with you. I don’t even dress provocatively or anything. It always irks me because I want to say something but I don’t want to get myself into a predicament, especially since I’m a small girl and I’m always paranoid I’ll get raped.

I was wondering if you had any tips for girls in these types of situations.

Meri

“American Girl In Italy” by Ruth Orkin

There is a famous photograph by Ruth Orkin, depicting a young woman walking down the street as a group of men whistles. Cat-calling has been going on for centuries: single women of all ages, shapes, sizes and races having to endure unwanted attention from men. No matter what you wear, where you go, or how attractive you are, if you’re a woman, eventually you’ll have to deal with this.

Let’s cut right to the chase and take a look at why some men do it. I asked a couple guys for insight and they all seem to think it’s done for  the same reason: machismo, signaling primarily to other males that they are hyper-sexual because they believe this is what’s expected of them. Rarely will you see a guy yelling sexual remarks at you across the street when he’s on his own. This type of behavior usually occurs in men who are surrounded by their male friends. He is not hollering at you per se as much as he is posturing for his friends.

To men reading this: no hook-up ever resulted from obnoxious yelling. Just thought I’d put that out there.

So how do you deal with this caveman behavior? The best thing to do is to ignore it and keep moving. (If it’s coming persistently from the same person, it might indicate a bigger problem such as stalking, and you might want to reach out to authorities in your city/school/place of business where this occurs.) While the idea of responding might seem appealing – especially for those of us with a quick wit! – it is ill-advised. All you accomplish by this is prolonging the unpleasant interaction, which could degenerate further into trading insults. You definitely don’t want to engage them a-la Christina Aguilera & Lil’ Kim.

You mentioned your fear of getting raped. I hesitate to discount any potentially threatening situation, but the majority of rapes are perpetrated by people the victim knows. If a stranger was to sexually assault you, they would probably avoid attracting attention to themselves by shouting sexually-charged comments. Of course, there are exceptions and it’s all the more reason to keep moving and not engage.

Can you protect yourself from cat-calls? Not really. But, you can minimize them by having a friend – especially a male friend – accompany you. Stay vigilant & stay safe!

Deerlings: how do you manage these situations?