I go to a private school, and I know I am very privileged to do so, but the uniform is suffocating me. They ban all “unnatural” hair colors, any piercings besides the ears, “distracting” or “flashy” jewelry or hair accessories, the polo shirt looks like a sack, and the pleated skirt is both sexist and impractical as it is unbearably hot during the summer and freezing during the winter. I have been ordered publicly and loudly in the middle of the hallway or during class to remove a small colored hair clip. The boys however are allowed a choice between pants and shorts. I asked about changing the dress codes so that girls are allowed to wear pants… I not only found out that women are completely not allowed to be on the board of directors, but was told that pants and pants under skirts looked “frumpy”, “ununiform”, and was told that my “rebellion and disrespect” were unappreciated.
My mother is not supportive of my clothing at all, telling me that I look trashy, freakish, or just plain ugly, even refusing to let me go out in public with her unless I changed. I was not dressed inappropriately, and I had been very happy with the rainbow I was displaying. She’s even gone on to threaten to cut up my favorite clothes (which I bought with my own money) if I continue to wear them and asked my boyfriend why he’s not embarrassed to be seen with me or show me off to his friends, and my friends why they let me dress like I do. She tells me I look like a clown with my makeup (which is actually a lot less than many other girls my age wear) and at 100 lbs tells me I’m gaining weight. She completely discourages my art and tries to cut me off from some friends because she thinks they encourage this behavior, and constantly tells me to “act/dress my age” or that she “hopes I get out of this phase”.
I’ve tried to talk to her and my father, but they never listen and mostly offer up ridiculous punishments, or tell me that problems I have with them are all my fault and how I should act (and cater to them) to fix it, when I am respectful, cordial, and helpful to them a majority of the time.
Do you have any advice on how to handle these problems (without getting grounded or expelled)? Any responses to things my mother says? You’re truly an inspiration to me, and I’d love to hear your take.
Your deerling, Lisie
Dear Lisie,
Some people find comfort and a sense of belonging in uniforms. In fact, most people probably do. Your parents certainly sound like the type, and they don’t understand why you must ‘rebel’ against such a convenience. But not all of us are made the same way. Being raised in Soviet Russia, I spent most of my youth in a uniform – and, just like you, always had a problem with it. I’ve tried shortening it, adding more ruffles and lace, wearing a purple dress instead of the navy blue. Truth is, if you’re an individualist, no matter how pretty the uniform, it will eventually become repressive and wear you out – no pun intended.
I believe that we, as humans, have a need to express ourselves – some stronger than others. When forced into a homogenized look, we are robbed of our personalities and become cattle-like. This is exactly how I felt grades 1 through 11. My teacher even disliked my ear lobes being pierced at 7 and took out my ear-rings and put them in my pencil box!!! I was sent home and had my parents summoned several times for wearing pants, makeup and even an unusual hairstyle. Ouch.
Soviet school uniform | Img via Flickr
It breaks my heart that you cannot find support in your parents and meet so much resistance when you try to explain yourself. They really must think that to conform is the best course of action for you – after all, it’s worked out well for them. But you need to understand that you are not like them and the same methods won’t work for you. You ought to make your own path and not let them break you down, otherwise you’ll be miserable.
I know it’s hard to be confined to daydreaming while you’re still stuck in school – and worse, a uniform – but please remember that while you may not be able to dress how you like, you can always think how you like. Your thought process is something no one can control but you. Think different; think outside the box, every day – you don’t need their approval. Express yourself through writing, drawing, designing – so that one day you may unbottle your fountain of ideas and take the world by STORM! Hang in there, babe! ♥
Deerlings: did you ever have to wear a uniform?
I used to go to a Convent school, and had to wear a terrible brown uniform – an itchy pleated skirt with a yellow shirt and orange tie, and the brown sweater had blue, yellow and orange stripes on it. YUCK. :(
Kiri Reply:
January 13, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Wow! That beats my school’s uniform for horrendousness hands down.
Spooky Reply:
January 13, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Sans brown it sounds like it could have been lovely, hahahah, you loose me at brown though. Blech!
Thats pretty horrible. I’m very lucky that my individuallity has been embraced pretty much all over the world (I’ve had to live in 10 different countires during the course of my life.) I’ve only had minor abuse from strangers and although my parents have expressed in some cases an extreme dislike for the things I wear (this mostly applies to hair and make-up however.) but have never threatend to forbid it or anything like that. I have had however a lot of other problems relating to what I acctually want to do with my life. For example, I have reacently quit university, (at the end of october) My parents are still unaware, becuase I know they will be absolutely furious and my father especially will blame it on the fact that I live with my partner who he also doesn’t like. I have faith though and know that when I am living completely independantly of their financial support they will just have to respect my life choices and what I like to put on my body, face and hair!!
My high school had pretensions of being a private school and had a pretty strict uniform, although thankfully we were allowed to wear trousers.
I remember getting told off because my trousers were grey not black (mainly because they’d faded in the wash), wearing black almost-trainers (when the girls wearing 4″ or 5″ heels and damaging their backs and legs got away with it), having the audacity to actually wear jewellery, covering my bad with patches and badges and buttons, oh, and my blazer wasn’t the regulation shapeless monstrosity, but a fairly nice suit jacket instead. Generally if anyone was going to get it for uniform infractions, it was me.
Thank goodness those days are over!
Thankfully I’ve only ever been homeschooled so no uniforms there! My parents were always very supportive of my dress and makeup. They never said a negative word even when I proceeded to wear CAT EARS every day for three years. Momma would even tell off other parents when they tried to tell her she should make me take them off. She’s my favorite.
Rosie Reply:
January 18, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Cat ears for three years? That’s awesome! I should wish I wore mine more often.
If you thought wearing a uniform in high school is bad, I discovered that students in Thailand wear a uniform in COLLEGE!!
However, the girls actually look super sexy in those tight white shirts and black skirts. Check it out:
http://www.thailandmusings.com/images/thai-schoolgirl.jpg
Thais love tight uniforms not just for students. Security guards, policemen, soldiers, housekeeping staff, drivers, dancers, doormen, flight attendants, nurses, bell boys, legislators and even bankers all have uniforms. 0_0
http://blueinbangkok.blogspot.com/2009/08/get-me-my-uniform.html
Jenny Reply:
January 13, 2010 at 4:10 pm
Those are pretty sexy college uniforms!!
What about the week you don’t feel like shaving your legs though!?
Doe Deere Reply:
January 14, 2010 at 10:04 am
Ohoho, those are some sexy uniforms!
Lisie:
Poor girl. I also come from a private school, and I know how you feel; It’s horrible how they try to keep everything PLAIN and BORING, and how some people are determined to make your life miserable if you don’t follow some stupid rules (‘no nailpolish’).
In my case I wasn’t alowed to wear any kind of makeup, bright acsesories (I was forced to take off a small black choker that you could just barely see peeking through my blouse collar).
Oh well.
My advice would be similar do Doe’s. I would add this:
if you want, you could try to ‘dress normal’ for your parents for a while (a week or so), and make them realize how miserable it makes you. Also, make your friends speak! If your mum asks ‘How do you let her dress like THAT?’ they all should have a respectful but witty answer prepared.
When she says you’re gaining weight ask her how much does she weigh (if she’s the same height as you), or tell her ‘actually I lost a bit of weight…’ or something like ‘I think YOU gained a bit of weight, mom… I didn’t recall that dress being so tight on your hips..’
Well… I hope you can live through this. (actually, you will, and it WILL make you stronger, and help you with future bitchings coming from strangers)
Love,
Flo
Ugh yeah, we had to wear skirts all year round. I like wearing skirts now, but it’s very different when you’re forced to wear them – and they’re hideous :)
I also got told off all the time for wearing my plain silver studs in my ears, but I refused to take them out. Anyway, it looked good with the uniform. :/
Becca Reply:
January 13, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Also, a little bit of advice – patience pays off. I shouldn’t be saying that, because I’m the most impatient girl ever, but somehow I managed to make it through my school days without killing anyone. I now go to art school, and it’s a whoooole different world here!
In fact, I remember my teacher in class once saying that he saw a few girls who used to go to my school and now they all have bright orange hair and tattoos & piercings…haha, set a private school girl loose and she gets drunk on the freedom! :P
here in Trinidad, we still uphold many “colonial” ideas of how schools should be like when the British ruled. all of the schools have uniforms and the majority of schools are also single-sex. in secondary school i went to, i had to wear an extra baggy white shirt and an sickly shapeless skirt. i don’t like uniforms, but if the school has one it should be reasonably design and modernized with the times. the only school in the country that thinks about the students and the practicality of the uniform are the 2 international schools. they allow girls to wear pants or skirts, and a polo shirt which fit alot better. i was a hardcore art student and would constantly get in trouble for dyeing my hair different colours, (it changed every year) piercings (including my earrings, hoops were not allowed) and drawing tattoos all over my arms ^_^
my mother is liberal and supportive of me and as long as i wasn’t involved in drugs or any mass trouble, she was ok with me expressing myself. but for 5 whole years it was me against the school, and i just had to endure it. i was an excellent student academically so they couldn’t fault me completely, just in every other little way they could. i have no regrets though because at least i could say i didn’t truly conform and i stood up for myself always. in any case on the last day of school before graduation it’s a tradition for everyone to sign your school shirt and do whatever you want on it! lol so i defaced it and turned it into a work of art at the same time! then i showed it off for the rest of the day :D
As much as I know I would despise a uniform in school (I luckily didn’t have to wear one), the ones I see girls wearing here in Atlanta are surprisingly cute. I actually find myself trying to recreate the look for my everyday clothes now.
I feel so sorry for Lisie! But i think if she follows Doe’s advice she will be okay. I have always had to wear a uniform, but I live in the UK and uniforms are pretty much the norm here. I understand that the uniforms in America and other places are much worse than what mine are but here is my story. In primary school (aged 4-12) uniform was not as strict. My school was catholic. Boys were to wear black or grey trousers, white polo neck or a white shirt with the green and yellow school tie and the school jumper which was green with the school logo. Also black shoes or trainers. For girls we were allowed to wear either a white shirt or polo neck, black or grey pinafore, black or grey skirt or trousers, suitable tights and black shoes. But to be honest I hated my uniform and wished we didn’t have one, I think it was just because I was young and didn’t understand. My high school uniform is much stricter. Boys must wear black smart trousers, black shoes, white shirt with the school tie and a black jumper is optional. Girls must wear thick black tights, black shoes, black skirt, white shirt, school tie and a black cardigan. I feel the uniforms are extremely sexist and in the summer we are all melting with our tights on. But if you wear thin tights you get in trouble. We are allowed to wear jewellery and hair clips but it must be removed if you are in P.E or Science and hair must be tied back. As for hair colours, I used to have bright orange, bright red, bright yellow and pink hair and my head teacher thought it was cool :P I have to admit though that I actually like my uniform to an extent as everyone is the same and bullying is not heard of much anymore because there is no clothing competition. I think uniform is a very controversial subject. But we must all remember that we don’t have to wear uniform forever!
Katherinex
Lisie, your story was a serious eye-opener. I was shocked reading it; I didn’t realize places like that still existed. I am so sorry your parents are not accepting of your choice to be an individual. That’s just unfair.
I know this is little consolation, but it’s what my mom told me when I was still in high school and kids would make fun of me for being different: “This too shall pass”.
Someday, though it probably seems like forever, you will be out of that place and on your own and able to dress and be however you’d like. Keep that happy thought in your mind and know that there are others out there like you: maybe meeting them IRL or online will help you to get through all of this.
My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best!
I spent two years in a uniform. Of course, I was in preschool and prekindergarten, but even then I was a rule breaker. The dresses we wore had a tight collar that when you sat improperly, left no room for breathing, and had a zipper up the back. This zipper caused trouble because back then I hadn’t mastered the art of zipping myself up. So I wore the dress backwards. We also had the option of wearing sweat pants and sweat shorts. The shorts I’d pair with some tights and look absolutely fantastic for a 4-year-old.
Luckily, after those days were over, my parents enrolled me in a different school. A uniform-free public school. Though we had a social-norm uniform type thing (designer jeans, polo shirt) that everyone wore, I kinda ignored that, too. Surprisingly, after a bit of mockery, people wound up really respecting me for my clothing choices. They thought it was brave for deciding that, in 8th grade, I wasn’t going to wear Abercrombie, and I was going to wear something black with chains instead.
I’m lucky, in that respect.
<3 good luck, Lisie.
Dear Lisie,
Ouch! Too formal a way to start a piece of advice… If you can really call it that. First off, some consolation: think, many, many girls before you had had the same or a similar problem, being unique, but couldn’t do anything about it. You, on the other hand, have a future full of opportunities ahead of you, and let’s not forget the Internet, where you learn about people like Doe Deere, who give you courage and patience to keep being you against all odds.
Now, despite all, no matter what we all tell you, no matter how much we want you to “hang on”, it’s difficult to not give up when you meet so much resistance from not only society, but your family too. I did catch though a line, about your boyfriend and friends not being embarrassed by you and also being supportive? My dear, if anything, I would suggest to find more people like them, real ones, because the Internet is all well and good, but it’s not REAL. And you need a corporal shoulder to lean on when you want to cry from all the pressure building up inside of you, to feel your friends around you laughing and joking with you, loving who you are, loving you for just being YOU.
As for your family and school… I too like to be me, no matter what everyone else says (actually I believe there’s not a single person on this blog who hasn’t met resistance and social discouragement for being “not normal”!) I would suggest to not listen to them. But that can get you in serious trouble. The question is, can you handle it? if yes, then my best wishes and good luck! If not, perhaps you should wait until you go to college, or move out of your house. Rebels live a very stressful life, but isn’t it worth it?
Well, I hope you’ll manage. It is really disconcerting to hear about situations like your in the bloody 21st century. I’m positive it’s going to change in the future though, after all, in some years, WE will hold the power to influence the young! And we will not make the same mistakes our parents did, so that no one else will feel excluded for simply expressing themselves. A little unrealistic, but… still!
I went to public school so I didn’t have to wear a uniform. I remember wishing I did have to wear one. I thought their clothes were so much cuter than the ones I had to wear, which were hand-me-downs.
I didn’t realize there were still schools that strict on uniforms. I am so sorry you have to deal with that.
I was in JROTC for 2 years in high school, and we had to wear our uniforms once a week, and they were strict about the uniform regulations. It never really bothered me, since we did have the option of skirt or pants, with or without out blazer, since I was female and had short hair I had the option of hair up or down, and as female and members of the drill team (which I was on) had the option of beret of flight cap.
I was also in Future Farmers of America, and was shocked to find out that their uniform at meetings was much more strict. Girls had to be in a short sleeved, white blouse with neckerchief, black or navy skirt (only), black stockings, pumps, and a jacket if you owned one. Boys were in slacks (some chapters allowed jeans), tie, white button up shirt, and jacket. Much more comfortable in AZ winter and summer. This uniform issue was hotly debated quite a few times.
Anyway, I’m sorry for going on so long.
Lisie, I wish that no girl would have to go through the things they’re putting you through, it’s entirely unfair and sounds rather sexist, not to mention just cruel. Believe me, it is sometimes better to bide your time and be patient until you can make your getaway and have your freedom than trying to fight and making the situation worse for yourself. If no one else is being reasonable, sometimes you have to be the mature one.
Good luck to you, Lisie. Things will get better in time.
Oh God, I’m having the exact same problem and it is killing me.
We pay a lot of money to go in our high school and the school order the cheapest and most ugly clothes for us.
Not only are they shapeless, but also at sizes either too big or too small. It means that the girls wear the same uniform as the boys, but the difference are the little longer skirts for the girls(not regular minis like in everywhere else)(and no, the boys wear trousers). The color? I wish it was naxy, but its just a plain, ugly electric blue! URGH!
I can’t even list the horrible things that happens over all of this. It is so terrible to life a repressed life…
And for Lisie… You are truely lucky to have friends and even the boyfriend to support you! Just think about we the others that don’t even have friends! It screws up the mentality… :s
Yep, I’ve worn a uniform – 6 years of Catholic school! It was pretty lax, though – aside from the clothing, of which we had our choice of a variety of navy, black, and white sweaters, skirts, shirts, and trousers; we could wear any shoes we wanted as long as they were non-athletic and all black; hair had to be naturally-colored but not necessarily YOUR natural color, minimal jewelry and makeup was okay.
I wear a uniform now, too – my ACUs. I’m proud every day that I wear it. Army Strong! (and still girly!) :P
I used to wear uniforms in my elementary schools, which were mostly catholic private schools. Honestly, I didn’t care. It was just school, not my home nor place to reaveal my “true self.”
wow, reading this, was like reading my own thoughts when I was in highschool. In my country, uniform is mandatory for public and private schools, the private ones can customize the sweaters, for example, to stand out from the other schools, but never the less, it was a uniform (an ugly one).
For over six years now, i’ve been into alternative, goth, punk, lolita, etc style, and believe me, my parents didn’t like it. Specially my mom who, like yours, also threatened to throw away or cut the clothes that i liked, and even once, when i was at school, took all my clothes, hid them, and only left a pant and a blouse, telling me that i’d have to wear something else… i stood my ground and only wore that blouse and those pants for two weeks, until she gave up and gave me my clothes back.
I know having close minded parents isn’t easy, after all, I couldn’t help but think that they loved me less only for something as shallow and superficial as clothing. It feels that way, but it’s not necesarily true. Talk to them. After many fights about my clothing I talked to my parents, and we came to a conssesion: I could wear my clothes, but I had to fit the occassion (hence, if we went to a fancy place, I would not wear military boots with a tutu, but something more ‘demured’), and I had to try and not wear ripped clothing “because it looks awfull” (i still got to wear ripped fishnet thights when they didn’t check lol). Other than that, they would try to let me be.
I suggest you do the same, talk to them, see what exactly they dislike, and try to find a common ground. And always remind them that after all it is your life, and that you’re young and can afford to dress this way, because if they try and forbid you to do it 1) you’ll still find the way and 2) when you grow older and independent, you’ll do it….. and try to picture someone your mom’s age dressed however you dress… that’ll scare them, and at least will make them think..
Don’t forget to remember them that however you dress you’re still their daughter and that you are, in fact, a good person
If everything fails… take a deep breath, hide your clothes at your friend’s place, and find support from other parents/teachers/grown ups (some parents don’t listen to their children just because they’re young, but if a fellow adult tells them the same thing, all of a sudden it makes so much sense!)
And don’t you ever forget to be patient!
Hugs,
Laura.
I sounds like a bigger issue than the uniform (eventually one graduates and never have to wear it again) but that her mother seems rather abusive.
Threatening to destroy someone else’s property (even if it’s your child’s) is something a bully does and it’s very unfair that her mother has taken that stance against her.
I’d say find someone else in the family or your community (an aunt or uncle? a grandparent? Priest, volunteer organizer, whatever.) who is sympathetic to your point of view and work on that relationship. They might be able to advocate for you with your parents and will at least provide a force in your life that’s proud of you for who you are and what you want to be.
And when you graduate, figure out a way to support yourself and cut your ties to your parents for a while.
My advice: buy some outrageous/sexy underwear and rock it under your uniform every day.
-or-
In 11th grade my mom was trying to repress me (grounded for dyeing hair, etc) so I got my nipples pierced! I looked completely “normal” to anyone who saw me but it was my little secret. That’s not for everyone I know but it made me feel a lot better about life.
I never had to wear a uniform, nor had I after high school ever need to wear one. The thing though, is that I do have family and society telling me how I should dress.
If it weren’t for the fact that I was looking for a full time teaching position, and not working in a Christian store, I’d have my hair in shades of teal or magenta that compliment my olive tone.
My parents are not very supportive of the idea, nor do they like my bright makeup or the fact I again own black lipstick. And I love hats! and they look at me funny when I try to pull of those cute crotchet hats with my teaching wear.
I know someday, I’ll be able to fully express myself in school and at home, but until that day i’ll have to be patient.
As for you Lisel, Its hard being with parents who really don’t support you, even when they do poke fun at your weight, I still get that and I’m 25 and about 150lbs purportionally shaped so I don’t LOOK fat. But they say that I am, and it does hurt, but patience is a virtue and soon you’ll be with people who do support you and respect you for who you are. Just don’t make the same mistake I did by distancing myself from my parents, they may not know that they’re hurting you, but keeping that emotion bottled like that well into adulthood doesn’t help either. Keep that open relationship with them, and hopefully as an adult, they’d understand that how they acted was out of line. Patience is the only hope.
Melinda
I went to Catholic schools for 12 years, grade school we were allowed to wear pants or a jumper (not the sweater kind) or a skirt (only after 5th grade!). In high school I was only allowed to wear pants during Jan-March, and march was only occasional. Most people wore pajama pants underneath to walk in the building, or even jeans and took them off if they got to school early to fight off the cold.
I will admit that I was lucky enough to be allowed to wear whatever socks and shoes I wanted. So I wore hot pink fishnets, flame converse, crazy knee highs, you name it.
My job now doesn’t allow jewelry, OR nail polish EVER.
My Catholic school had a HUGE variety of people, and a LOT were inner city people. I won’t name my city but it’s in the top 7 or so of cities with the most murders. So we had a lot of “bad asses” that had to wear uniforms. I understand how you feel like a prisoner and are restricting, and trust me, I’m 22 and I still get disapproving looks for tattoos, piercings etc by my parents, but I think there are some things you just have to listen to, at least for awhile. You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you after high school to dress how you want, plus like someone else said, its only school, you don’t have to dress like that at home.
A lot of jobs make you wear uniforms, some more strict than others, look at school as a job.
Also, yes, your clothes reflects your personality, but are you that dependent on them? What if we all had to wear uniforms? Or all had to be NAKED? What would set us apart? Our personalities! Use this as a chance to let yourself shine through.
And I hope no one gets mad at me for saying this, and I’m not trying to be mean, but I went through kind of the same thing, and looking back, I think I personally was just going through a phase, to put it nicely. I watched my little sister do the same thing, and I can’t believe how ridiculous both of us were. I thought my parents didn’t understand me, wouldn’t let me show my “true self”, had the meanest punishments. I even tried to move out a few times and I’m so glad I didn’t. I don’t mean to sound too conservative because I’m not by far, I’m covered in tattoos with hot pink hair and piercings now, but I really think a lot of us go through our high-school-rebellious stage and/or sometimes there are circumstances where you just have to do what you’re told, unfortunately. I, as Doe put it felt “robbed of my personality” back in school, but looking back, I think it was kind of silly to be that dramatic.
I feel kind of bad that I’m making myself seem like the meanish person in the comments (and of course everything is entirely opinion here) but I’m sure your parents do love you, especially if they’re paying for you to go to a private school and get a good education, and seriously, find other ways to shine besides your outward apperance, since its the inside thats beautiful and creative as well! Does your school have clubs or art classes? Either way, absolute best luck and lots of love to you!!
Oh, and something else haha, when I was out of high school, being able to wear nail polish, dye my hair, and have my ears pierced were absolutely amazing. You appreciate things more the longer you have to wait for them =]. I know its not fun but trust me, you’ll probably be so much more grateful than someone thats been allowed to dye their hair all the time.
Lisie, always remember that neither school nor living with your parents will last forever! Someday, quicker than you think, you’ll be free to live and look like YOU want!
Gothic Charm School has excellent advice on the topic of dealing with parents disapproving of one’s unusual style, worth a read even if you’re not goth: http://gothic-charm-school.com/charm/?cat=6
And I agree with LKR’s advice: your underwear can be as excentric as you like and nobody need to know it…
Stella Polaris Reply:
January 13, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Also: are there other girls at your school who feel the same way about the no pants rule? There’s strength in numbers!
Never wore a uniform, but my mom used to periodically search my room for clothes she’s didn’t like and throw them away while I was out.
I wore a uniform for my school years. It was horrible. They were very strict. No jewelry, piercings, chewing gum, absolutely no colouring your hair – even a slight tint would be punished. It is difficult but it is only for those few hours every day. You’ll have to do worse things in your life.
My advice for that girl is to do her own thing. Negative comments should go in one ear and out the other. No one else is going to be you, so be yourself.
Doe, the Soviet uniforms are so cute. I would have killed as a kid to wear those for a uniform.
I did one year of uniforms and hated it. My Catholic private school was much like the one Lisie has, the only exception is that I could wear very itchy pants in winter. The uniform was itchy and very nonconducive to my artistic personality. I like having the ability to choose my own outfits for school. I’ve made a lot of Don’ts for me but also a lot of Do’s.
It’s important to talk with your parents and say, “I know I don’t dress like you do, but I would like it if you respected my fashion decisions. I feel suffocated and hurt when you tell me to change into something more “suitable” to wear. I’m not asking you to accept and incorporate my choices into your wardrobe. I’m asking you respect my choices.” Don’t shout it at them. Try and have a respectful conversation with your parents. If you start to feel frustrated, ask to leave for a few minutes to calm down.
at my high school, we have to wear grey pleated plaid skirts a hand’s width below the knee- no skin shown between the hemline and grey socks. blah!
buuuuut everyone seems to have banded together and just about all our skirts are sitting just above knee length and we’re wearinf stockings. there’s too many of us girls breaking this code that the teachers can’t possibly hand out infringements to everyone…
not to mention it’s about a bilion times more comfortable. its so bad trying to get places with a skirt at a really random uncomfortable level. :/
citizens, UNITE! :D
i have never had to wear a uniform. i express the way i am not only through my super colorful clothes and make up but also through my photography, drawings, and fashion desighns.
lisie,
don’t let go of who you are just because you can’t show who you are at this time in your life. continue expressing yourself through your art and when the day comes that who you are explode out into the world. just hang in there
=D
Latetly I have seen Lime Crime everywhere!
With my favority Guru at YouTube, whatisstyletonickel,
Many times at Nylon,
I am almost sure that in the latest W Magazine, I think is “No she didn’t”,
And now I was reading Elle and Airbone appears at DIY “Beauty: Makeup looks from the runway”.
Yeahh I can’t run anymore, I think I will wear Lime Crime at my B-day here in Brazil!!!
In Australia all the schools require you to wear uniforms. Some are more strict then others however. Alot of the schools in my area were quite relaxed. But the year I started High School they also had a new principal and he made our public school seem like a private school. Our uniforms were bottle green 3 pleat skirts and white shirts with green and yellow stripes and a green tie. So gross but it was still better then other schools in the area.
But one thing that did annoy me was how strict the uniform was. I use to love seeing american movies/shows and seeing that they got to wear normal clothes.
We did however hem our skirts (and we got away with it) and we would undo the bottom buttons on our blouse so it was less puffy. We would get told off and we’d fix it up. But then change it when we got out of that particular class etc. As we got older though the teachers seems to give up on trying ti get us to look ‘presentable’ haha. The worst thing was that they were Sooo strict on jewellery. You were only allowed to wear a watch and 1 small stud of sleeper in one ear. And they would actually confiscate jewellery and you couldn’t get it back till the end of the semester. I use to always wear these big silver shiny euro balls in my ears. I had mostly nice teachers and I never go in trouble. A couple times I was told off by a passing teacher on the school grounds and I’d just slip them out and put them back in once they were gone. And if I saw that teacher again I’d just slip my earings out quickly and then put them back in.
I’m so glad that school is now just a memory. Even working in the office I do, I still have alot more freedom in dress then at school.
I was lucky that the private school I went to didn’t require uniforms, although in middle school there were times I wished they did. I’m not a conformist by any means and if the situation had been different I’m sure I would have rebelled against the uniform too… on the other hand, the constant teasing for my clothes even when I thought I was dressing acceptably was really annoying/upsetting.
At that age many girls were dressing as revealingly as possible, and I was the dorky tomboy in plaid shirts and cargo pants. Practical. Conservative even! Unacceptable to anyone but my closest friends.
The only uniforms I had to wear were band uniforms, and for the most part I liked them. The casual uniforms were unflattering but I loved wearing a tux, and in high school it was even a bright green tux! Just my sort of thing, really. Once I got into a professional classical group I had to wear a dress though and that wasn’t as much fun. Nothing against dresses but if I’m going to wear one I don’t want it to be plain, long, and black.
I went to a prestigious private girls high school in Australia and we had crazy rules & regulations. For example, if we were out in public in our uniform, we were not allowed to eat and walk at the same time! However, girls always found ways to get around the uniform regulations. Some girls skirts were obscenely short, others rolled them down at the waist. I went through my goth phase during high school and dyed my hair black, which never got any complaints! But I did get sent home once on the first day back to school because I showed up with a white streak in my hair! No jewellery was allowed, including earrings. We always had to have a regulation ribbon or scrunchie in our hair.
However, looking back at it now, I enjoyed having a uniform to wear! I was so self conscious during high school (I still am today!) and didn’t really get a dress sense until Year 12. If we had the freedom to wear anything we wanted, I know I would’ve been alot more depressed and upset! I also loved having a conservative uniform because it meant on the weekends I could really go wild! I wore some things in high school that I would NEVER wear now! During the holidays I went crazy with my hair, dying it pink, blue, green and blonde! Last month on a whim, I decided to dye my hair pink and got rid of it after a week!
I’ve changed alot since high school, and whilst I’m not the same rebellious person I was, I’m glad we had that uniform which did make me so unique during those years! The amount of fun I had coming home the first day of holidays and cracking open the hair dye, or parading around the city in ridiculous outfits was amazing!
Maybe its because uniforms are the norm here in Australia or something else, but I really enjoyed having a uniform! Its even a guilty pleasure of mine to wear our school ribbons now and again!
I did twelve years in uniform: grade school and high school. As much as I hated it at the time, now that I’m in college and uniform-less, I kind of miss not having to struggle in the morning over what to wear.
Lisie:
Uniforms can be a pain in the ass, and it really seems that your uniform code is much more strict than mine ever was. But here’s the thing: it isn’t going to last forever, I promise. And even if you feel smothered, just remember that your personality is in YOU, not in your clothes. Do you really need green hair? Can’t you go without the lip ring and gigantic jewels during the day? We had tons of girls (my high school was all girls) who had multiple piercings…they just didn’t wear their extra earrings or lip rings or nose rings during the school day. Just keep your flashy stuff in your purse or backpack and dress up when you get out of class for the day, or once you’ve left the house.
You’re bigger problem is that you feel unsupported in your art, and — much as I hate to say it — there’s not much you can do about that. You can’t change your parents. Try to find a mentor at school. I know it can seem that all teachers are just cogs in the machine, that they’re all the enemy, but it’s not true. Some f my teachers were monsters, of course, but others really spurred me in my writing and acting and made me feel supported and respected. If you’re uncomfortable with the faculty, join an art club or find a group of people who you can create around. Friends are the biggest weapon in your arsenal: as long as you have friends who truly love and support you, you’ll be okay.
Don’t stop trying to connect with your parents, though. Your mom and dad are probably just worried about you and trying to help out in the only way they know how. Especially if your art and style are on the goth//dark side, your parents might just be afraid that you’re getting into something dangerous. Without knowing what kind of work you do, and what your style is, I can’t say for sure, but imagine if you had a kid who came home and out of the blue started dressing like the undead and painting pictures of dismembered corpses? You’d hope they “passed through the phase” too! Try throwing some understanding your parents’ way too…make sure thy know that you love them, that you’re trying to express yourself and grow into your skin, but that you UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE WORRIED and that they ARE ENTITLED to worry about you and try to guide you on your ‘growing up’ journey.
Now, I might be wrong about your parents. THey might just be soul-crushing and nasty, but I’m inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. Never forget that you are who you are — no matter what color your hair is or what clothes your wearing. You are just as much YOURSELF in a sack-polo shirt and dingy skirt as you are in neon zebra jeans and purple corset.
Best of luck to you, hun, You’ll be okay.
Lisie,
I feel your pain! I am currently in private school and I have been for my entire life (read: 14 years of oxford blouses, long plaid kilts, and plastic sweaters), though mine haven’t been as strict as yours. I have found that the best remedy for forced conformity is rebellion, but attitude. By “attitude” I don’t mean the kind that you’ve already been reprimanded for (the “forget you, I’m better than this” kind). I mean that if you have to wear the skirt and polo, own them. Walk down the hall like it’s the longest runway you’ve ever seen. Turn the classroom into a photoshoot. If you’re going to look and act a certain way, you’re going to be damn good at it.
This probably isn’t the best piece of advice you’ll hear on the subject, but I know that it’s been loads of help to me. I’m at an all-girls private school right now, and sometimes it feels good to actually do my hair in the morning and know that I’m going to be the best-looking one at school that day, or at least act like it. I always try to bloom where I’m planted, and I hope that you can do the same, at least every once in a while.
LOVE ALWAYS,
T.C.
Uniforms can be oppressive. I also detest mine which sounds similar to yours with a polo top(however it comes with a band on the bottom which is supposed to encourage tucking them in), a skort/skilt (if you don’t get the right size, the shorts end up riding up as you walk), and etc. I make my own way of standing out though, by dressing geek to the max with high waist, tailored and shortened pants, with big nerdy glasses, a cardigan, and occasionally a bowtie. You could always do what Doe once did and wear amazing underwear underneath.
I realize you want to stand out, be different, and make a statement, but you have to realize that when you do there will always be some kind of opposition. I’m often made fun of or talked about for have a slightly eccentric fashion statement/personality. You just have to rise above it. In the case of your parents, they’re probably having a case of shock that their spawn is falling farther from the tree. I hope that they’re doing what they think is right for you, just that they don’t know the right way/method to go about raising you to your absolute best. However, sometimes, other pressures can also affect the way they act. Recently, I had an out with my mother, which caused both her and me depression, because she’s been having stress related health issues. Our issues with each other in the end were resolved, but that still doesn’t stop us from fighting. However, I learned from it that no matter what my mother does to me I love her, and that she was only trying to raise me the best to be prepared for the world, but she also took out her problems on me because she was frustrated with her issues and tired in raising her children and that it wasn’t right of her to do so.
Sorry for taking the long way (but it made me cry reminiscing), but perhaps your mother is just at a loss for how to raise you. There is no easy way. Sure, she’s making some mistakes, but I’m sure she has what’s best for you in mind. Try confronting her like an adult, and don’t be afraid of being grounded for objecting. There’s not going to be an easy way getting through to anyone.
I don’t want to give you any ideas, but the catalyst that helped solve my problems was when mum found out that I was desperate to move out once 18. She was afraid of losing me, and then the problems all started unfolding.
I had to wear a uniform for the majority of my childhood schooling. Thankfully, we got to wear khaki pants and navy or white polo shirts MTTHF and had to wear long khaki skirts, white oxford shirts, with thick navy wool sweatervests. Talk about warm! I despised the uniforms, even though they weren’t horrible and challenged it in whatever way I could. When I first started at school mainly my high school, the dress code was two pages…when I graduated, it was 10. All due to me! I blame my uniform days for my current love of bright and neon colors and all things extraordinary.
If I could give Lisie any advice it would be to keep strong to her “abnormal” roots. My mom and grandmother hated how I dressed outside of school but yet I did it anyways. Your style is not hurting anything and if anything, it makes you a more interesting person. Stay strong sweetie!
At my school, The Reno Academy (A Paul Mitchell partner school), our dress code is all black (no exceptions), no jean material, the two-toe rule (only two or less toes showing through your shoes), nothing showing your armpits, and all skirts have to end below your fingertips.
at first, i HATED our dress code, and i had a hard time conforming to it. but now, about 7 months into my program, i’ve grown used to wearing black, and often can’t wear any of the neons i used to.
Actually my uniform wasn’t really THAT bad (well in year 11 and 12 at least since us seniors got a different coloured jumper) Our main colour was green – which I hated but it was bearable. But our jumpers in year 11/12 were changed to navy blue which did look much much better and our skirts were pleated dark green-ish with a tint of blue.
I think the best part of the uniform really was our school logo. It’s a unicorn. No kidding. It’s actually pretty similar to the one that Doe uses for her lime crime makeup :) You can see my year 12 badge uploaded on my flickr:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/melludee_x/4273949578/
(I was going to put the school website but for some reason its down atm :S)
But I’ve never really felt much restriction wearing my uniform partly because I tend to spend more money when I have to choose the clothes I’m wearing everyday. It’s like I’m thinking “Oh. I’ve worn that already ..so I’m running out of clothes to wear..” sort of thing.
Doe Deere Reply:
January 14, 2010 at 10:02 am
You are so lucky to have a unicorn as mascot! :D
That was great advice Doe!
I had a public school uniform and I was lucky enough to wear pants in summer or winter! But a uniform is a uniform so I always tried to bend the rules because that’s how I am! While others didn’t mind one bit (that baffled me) we were lucky enough to get a casual clothing day once in a while and that was my fave <3 yet some people just wore there uniform anyway LOL
I can see two ways to approach the uniform issue.
1. think about what you are wearing under your uniform. Know that you are wearing a bra in an amazing shade of purple with ruffles and sequins. I sometimes have to dress smart for work and it’s knowing that my conservative tweed coat has a lining of skulls that gets me through.
2. Wear the uniform and do your hair and so on as if you were trying to look like the perfect little school girl. Rebel by conforming so much that no one cna argue with you. I also find you get away with a lot more if you keep your head down most of the time. If you have an impeccable record it’s much easier to get away with things.
The parents issue is much harder. Maybe agree with them that you will grow out of it one day and that it’s better to have your rebellion now than when you’re in college. Of course, you know that you won’t grow out of it and that one day you’ll be free to live your life how you want. In the meanwhile reap what lessons and knowledge you can from what you have to.
Doe Deere Reply:
January 14, 2010 at 10:01 am
Great idea about the underwear! Wear cute panties, bright nail polish, etc! They can’t see it, but YOU know!
Doe Deere Reply:
January 14, 2010 at 10:01 am
Polish on your toes, that is ;)
Luckily I never had to wear a uniform. I went to public schools all my life since the only private schools were catholic and they would have had to drag me there screaming and kicking. Plus my public school had a 10 times better art program then the private school and since I planned on going to art college, public school was the best choice for me. Although the catholic school’s uniforms were cute. Cute little plaid skirts and sweaters.
Luckily my parents let me dress how I wanted to (they said I was an artist and I was expressing my individuality) and they didn’t see anything wrong with me having blue or pink hair because I was doing well in school and not getting in trouble (no drinking, drugs etc… Of course they hated most of my outfits but my mom still gave me money to buy them…like my first pair of docs when I was 15. I went through lots of phases in high school like skater girl, punk, and goth. They only thing my parents really hated was when I shaved half my head (undercut) when I was 16. They were pissed but they got over it becuase it’s just hair.
I had a dress code in high school. I went to a private high school, and the dress code was no jeans or sweats, and button down shirts. The shoes couldn’t be athletic shoes unless you had a medical reason. Also, no unnatural hair color. In winter, you could wear sweaters, but if you wore a crew neck, you had to wear a button down shirt under. Shirts had to be tucked in, which was really annoying. Patterns couldn’t be loud. Girls could wear skirts, but they had to be close to the knee. There were no rules about makeup or jewelery. I always wore a t-shirt under my button downs. When I graduated, there was talk of a uniform, but I don’t know if that ever happened.
I don’t wear button down shirts now because of my high schools rule.
I also had a punk/goth phase while in high school. But my school was a little more lenient.
So, Lisie, heres my advice. Do what you like. It’s you, and no one can change that. Try talking to your parents when they are calm, and you should stay calm while talking to them. Smile. Be confident in your style. And I like the idea of wearing amazing undies. If you must go by the dress code, dress yourself up underneath. Wear sparkley bras and cute underwear. Paint your toenails. I know I’m contradicting myself, but good luck.
What stands out to me in all this is that people are still defining themselves by ‘things’ and not as individuals. Do clothes really, truly matter? You will grow up and you will be your own soul- you are right now, but you do owe respect to your parents- even if it is stodgy. Find some ways to express your love of colour/style, but also know that part of growing up is realizing that society expects certain behaviors and until we can navigate our own road, it’s good to do the best we can. If your parents feel less threatened, if you find more peace in who you are instead of what you wear- and you’re able to share your heart instead of your will, I think you’ll find the uniform irks you less, your parents will be kinder, and you’ll have grown. I know it’s not easy when you feel closed in by a stuffy box, but sometimes if we alter our views, it does get easier. Best to you, dear.
I have a uniform I have to wear EVERY single day of the week (even for a compulsory church service on Sunday and Saturday school) and though it fits ok it has a winged collar and a brooch at the neck where sometimes you can hardly breathe! Luckliy we’re aloud loose hair even if its really long for girls and discrete make-up (though we’ve been pushing the barriers with lipsticks a bit recently) and that counter balances things a bit…
I went to a private school as well, though mine was no where near as strict as Lisie’s sounds. Still, I can relate. I was always the odd one out in the group, finding loopholes in the school rules so I could dress they way I wanted. It must have worked because I went my whole school career there without getting into trouble.
I was just talking with my friend about how we actually miss wearing a uniform. Yes, it can be so lifeless, dull, and boring, not to mention ill-fitted and damn cold in the winter, but we saved so much time in the morning. No waking up an hour early to try and decide what to wear, no worrying if this matched that, just throw it on and go. Trust me, I looooove to dress up and wear bright colors. But some times – most times – I’m just damn tired. And wearing a uniform saved me time.
Try to think of it this way: What kind of memories are you making with friends? Good ones? Bad ones? While you may despise the uniform right now, think of the memories that are attached to it. They’re not ALL bad, are they? Think about laughing with friends in the hallways and running around outside during the summer and even when your knees got frost bite from playing in the snow. It sounds cheesy, but when I had to wear a uniform I hated it too. In some ways I still hate it. But my time in uniform was some of the happiest memories I’ve ever made.
i have to wear a uniform at my job, but that’s just because it’s convenient :) i’m a swimcoach for little kids :) so i wear, swimsuit (of my own choice), shorts and t-shirt (Hummel, with clublogo and sponsors printed on them).
it’s easier with the uniform, then anyone can see who is coach/lifeguard, and we wont get sick during our breaks :)
my father completely approves of my taste in clothing. actually he has expressed, that he’s proud of my choice to stand out. he often helps me with my style and clothingchoices, he also tell me if something just wont work out :)
my mother just don’t understand it, most of the time she comments like “you look fine…!” or “cute, now get to school!” so… that kinda sucks. but she has never been against it.
i do feel a little sorry for those who have to wear a uniform to school, though. but at least, in most cases, they can wear their own style outside school, right?
I never had to wear a school uniform even though I went to a private school, but I did go to a strict school regardless and even though it’s frustrating to be told what to do, you just have to grin and bear it. A city near where I live is full of gangs, and all of the schools there wear uniforms similar to yours to keep them from having their “colors” on display. It is a shame that your Mom isn’t supportive of your choices, but like Doe said, express yourself in other ways.
I suggest getting a job as soon as possible (if you don’t have one already.) Save up as much as you can so you can support yourself financially as soon as you graduate. Your parents sound like negative people and it would be best to live under your own roof.
If you’re saving up, it feels like you’re working towards a goal instead of being stuck with a crappy life. Working towards a goal makes waiting a whole lot easier & more bearable.
Try to surround yourself with as many people like your boyfriend and friends who will continue to support yourself and stay positive.
Other than than, find secret ways to express yourself. Buy lots of underwear that makes you happy or get your nipples pierced. Something no one else will know about but which will make you happy!