I go to a private school, and I know I am very privileged to do so, but the uniform is suffocating me. They ban all “unnatural” hair colors, any piercings besides the ears, “distracting” or “flashy” jewelry or hair accessories, the polo shirt looks like a sack, and the pleated skirt is both sexist and impractical as it is unbearably hot during the summer and freezing during the winter. I have been ordered publicly and loudly in the middle of the hallway or during class to remove a small colored hair clip. The boys however are allowed a choice between pants and shorts. I asked about changing the dress codes so that girls are allowed to wear pants… I not only found out that women are completely not allowed to be on the board of directors, but was told that pants and pants under skirts looked “frumpy”, “ununiform”, and was told that my “rebellion and disrespect” were unappreciated.

My mother is not supportive of my clothing at all, telling me that I look trashy, freakish, or just plain ugly, even refusing to let me go out in public with her unless I changed. I was not dressed inappropriately, and I had been very happy with the rainbow I was displaying. She’s even gone on to threaten to cut up my favorite clothes (which I bought with my own money) if I continue to wear them and asked my boyfriend why he’s not embarrassed to be seen with me or show me off to his friends, and my friends why they let me dress like I do. She tells me I look like a clown with my makeup (which is actually a lot less than many other girls my age wear) and at 100 lbs tells me I’m gaining weight. She completely discourages my art and tries to cut me off from some friends because she thinks they encourage this behavior, and constantly tells me to “act/dress my age” or that she “hopes I get out of this phase”.

I’ve tried to talk to her and my father, but they never listen and mostly offer up ridiculous punishments, or tell me that problems I have with them are all my fault and how I should act (and cater to them) to fix it, when I am respectful, cordial, and helpful to them a majority of the time.

Do you have any advice on how to handle these problems (without getting grounded or expelled)? Any responses to things my mother says? You’re truly an inspiration to me, and I’d love to hear your take.
Your deerling, Lisie

Dear Lisie,

Some people find comfort and a sense of belonging in uniforms. In fact, most people probably do. Your parents certainly sound like the type, and they don’t understand why you must ‘rebel’ against such a convenience. But not all of us are made the same way. Being raised in Soviet Russia, I spent most of my youth in a uniform – and, just like you, always had a problem with it. I’ve tried shortening it, adding more ruffles and lace, wearing a purple dress instead of the navy blue. Truth is, if you’re an individualist, no matter how pretty the uniform, it will eventually become repressive and wear you out – no pun intended.

I believe that we, as humans, have a need to express ourselves – some stronger than others. When forced into a homogenized look, we are robbed of our personalities and become cattle-like. This is exactly how I felt grades 1 through 11. My teacher even disliked my ear lobes being pierced at 7 and took out my ear-rings and put them in my pencil box!!! I was sent home and had my parents summoned several times for wearing pants, makeup and even an unusual hairstyle. Ouch.


Soviet school uniform | Img via Flickr

It breaks my heart that you cannot find support in your parents and meet so much resistance when you try to explain yourself. They really must think that to conform is the best course of action for you – after all, it’s worked out well for them. But you need to understand that you are not like them and the same methods won’t work for you. You ought to make your own path and not let them break you down, otherwise you’ll be miserable.

I know it’s hard to be confined to daydreaming while you’re still stuck in school – and worse, a uniform – but please remember that while you may not be able to dress how you like, you can always think how you like. Your thought process is something no one can control but you. Think different; think outside the box, every day – you don’t need their approval. Express yourself through writing, drawing, designing – so that one day you may unbottle your fountain of ideas and take the world by STORM! Hang in there, babe! ♥

Deerlings: did you ever have to wear a uniform?