I got a surprising amount of questions about my marriage. Most people spend a lot of time & money and make a big deal out of their weddings, yet I didn’t publicize mine. I didn’t mean to keep it a mystery; it just sort of came out that way.

Before I get to the questions, I should explain how such a feminist as myself ended up getting married in the first place. Mark and I met & fell in love when we were just 19; by the age of 21 we were living together. The subject of marriage came up frequently and inevitably during our cohabitation, yet each time we decided against it.

Part of the reason was that neither of us believed in the institution of marriage. It’s just a piece of paper that says you’re in a long-term relationship with someone. You get the chance to consolidate your family name into one, but since we weren’t planning on having any kids, it made no difference. Our non-religious families trusted us and didn’t apply any pressure. Married couples do get a tax break but we weren’t making enough at the time so again, it didn’t matter. In a word, it simply did not make sense for us to get married. Plus, everyone’s heard the horror stories about how marriage can ruin a perfectly good relationship, and we weren’t willing to take the risk. As they say, don’t fix it if it ain’t broke!

By the time we were 25, we were living in a bigger house with our kitten Puffy (our daughter). I decided to pursue an artistic career, which left me with no health insurance (Mark couldn’t put me on his plan because from the official standpoint, I was nobody to him). Most importantly, our relationship evolved to a new level where we no longer saw each other merely as boyfriend and girlfriend. It felt silly to say, “Hey everybody, this is my boyfriend Mark” when in reality we were family. So we decided it no longer made sense not to be married. Our relationship had stood the test of time and the fear that it will fall apart after saying “I do” was gone. It felt like the right thing to do.

Ok, now that we got that out of the way, let’s get to the questions!

When did you get married? How did you know he was the right guy for you? -Shayne
Mark and I got officially married on September 22nd, 2006 at the City Hall in Brooklyn. It was a very low-key ceremony with my mother and sister present. We were both 25.

I knew he was the one because we almost never fight (and when we do, it’s always because I’m being an idiot.)! It’s the smoothest, most supportive relationship I’ve ever had – plus he’s a hottie! :D

What was your wedding like? What did you both wear? -Ash
Our reasons behind marriage were rather undramatic, and our wedding reflected that. We called it “The Marriage Party”. I got myself a cute vintage dress and had my mom put rose buds in my hair. Mark straightened his hair and looked like a Gothic Elf – spiffy!


Arseny, Kat & Yana (my bridesmaids), me & Mark

Our closest friends and family gathered to celebrate, and we even had a mini tier cake! Mark’s father – who happens to be an ordained minister from some bogus church he joined years ago as a tax evasion tactic – ‘married’ us and it was hilarious! The night ended with everybody doing the Thriller dance in our living room.


Told you we were silly. :)  Photography| Bernadette G.

Did you have a dream wedding when you were little? -Sunny
If I did, would my wedding look like it did?! Haha. Somehow, I think dream wedding is a very American concept. Girls fantasizing about the day they get to wear a beautiful white dress and live happily ever after with their very own Prince Charming. :) Sometimes I feel inspired to do a high-concept, fashion vow renewal… Maybe I will, you never know. ;)

Do you ever wear a wedding ring  or just take it off for pictures? What’s your take on wedding rings? -Staar

To me, the relationship is important; the manifestation of it is not. I do have a wedding & engagement rings, but only wear them in an official setting (like a corporate party) – basically, anywhere where being married and not wearing a ring would be a ceremony-disrupting, head-turning, jaws-on-the-floor shocking offense! Mark used to wear his band every day until he lost it and we never replaced it. It’s ok though, he got into 80s glam and wears at least one ring on each finger now!

When people ask us why we don’t have our wedding bands, we joke that we are ashamed to be married to each other. Haha.

Did your relationship change after marriage? – Taryn
It did and it didn’t. We are still each others’ best friends and love each other deeply. But I think becoming a lawful husband and wife made us more conscious of what we have and more serious about building our future together. You could say we became a Power Couple. :) I enjoy the fact that we can have a joint bank account and not have to split all the expenses any more, and that if something should happen to me, Mark will have a legal say in it.

Plus, now I get to threaten divorce – not just breakup! – over the wrong toilet seat position!