Tue 10 Mar 2009
Don’t be an easy target
Category: How To

How often do you find yourself fumbling with your purse, talking on the cellphone or carrying yourself with a less than amazing posture on the street? What you don’t know is that you may be unwittingly giving off signals as an easy target to predators. This article will teach you how to avoid being a victim and hopefully stay safe.
According to the studies, criminals don’t choose their victims randomly – they examine nonverbal signals such as posture, body language, pace of walking, length of stride and awareness of environment before deciding on the potential victim. Researchers Betty Grayson and Morris I. Stein showed convicted criminals (incarcerated for robbery, rape and murder) a videotape of pedestrians and asked them to identify which ones they would target. Within seconds, the convicts identified potential victims – and they did so with a surprising consensus.
Criminals don’t discriminate against race, color, age or gender. Some petite, physically slight women were not chosen as potential victims, while some large men were. They seek out signs of weakness, someone they can easily control: downward gaze, shuffling of the feet, unawareness of the environment. Sexual predators in particular look for those they can easily overpower, someone who isn’t paying attention, who looks like they aren’t going to put up a fight. People often think that women who dress provocatively draw attention & put themselves at risk of sexual assault, but it’s women with passive, submissive personalities that are more likely to be raped – and they usually wear body-concealing clothing such as high necklines, long pants and sleeves, and multiple layers. A lot of people think that staying on the cell phone while walking makes them safer – they can call for help at any moment. But criminals disagree: they view it as a sign of distraction and are more likely to target.
So how do you stay safe? You need to make it difficult for them, and project an image of a non-victim.
- Be alert
Look at your surroundings, notice people around you. Make brief eye contact with people but don’t stare. Don’t look scared. Don’t look drunk. Stay off your cell phone.
- Walk with purpose
Look like you know where you’re going and how to get there. If you have to stop and ask for directions, ask a store clerk or a restaurant employee. Don’t stop people on the street.
- Don’t let people stop you
If someone tries to ask you something, keep moving. Never follow strangers.
- Don’t flash money/jewelry
Some robbers will hang out inside stores and business establishments to spot victims carrying a lot of cash. Dress down when visiting entertainment districts – particularly those in high-crime areas – and be sure to park in an attended garage.
- When approaching your car
Always carry your keys in your hand – digging for keys at your car is a sign of distraction. In addition, a sharp key can be used as a self-defense weapon (a friend of mine who teaches self-defense taught me that). And of course, be sure to check the passenger seat before you get in.
- If walking along cannot be avoided
Always tell someone of your exact route and your estimated time of arrival – that way, if something happens to you, the police know exactly where to look. Stay in well-lit areas when walking after dark.
- If you live alone
Get a dog – criminals steer clear of houses with dogs because even a small one makes too much noise! Also – don’t laugh – putting a pair of old construction boots on the porch (or something the indicates a presence of a physically fit manly-type of a guy) deters rapists and burglars. Stay safe!
Deerlings: what precautions, if any, do you take?
67 Responses to “ Don’t be an easy target ”

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March 15th, 2009 at 3:35 am[...] Doe Deere Blogazine this week features an important post that all women should read: “Don’t Be an Easy Target“. As sad as it is that today’s society makes measures like these necessary, they are, [...]












March 10th, 2009 at 11:10 am
My guy friends at work often poke fun at me for getting nervous walking out to my car at night, but we park in a big empty parking lot, usually by some dumpsters, my car is dark and someone could hide under it.
Here’s another tip I got from another article.
-PONYTAILS – Guys tend to target girls with ponytails because its easy to grab.
-LEGS – I heard that some people with hide under your car and cut your leg so you bend down.
Of course those are drastic situations but it never hurts to be safe. I keep a “rape whistle” on my keychain, its a high pitched whistle, and I stick my keys between my fingers so they stick out to form protection. I am however guilty of talking on my cell phone, but I do try to be aware of my surroundings as much as possible. I guess I do feel safer with it on me.
I also got myself a wonderful 100lb dog as soon as I graduated and spend most of my time alone until my boyfriend moved in. I think he’d rather give someone kisses than bite and attack them. He’s all bark =]
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March 10th, 2009 at 11:17 am
This is a great post like always. Although the construction boots suggestion is funny, I think it’s very logical. The key can be used as self defense… but I think you have to actually know how to use it. I think some people have the wrong misconception that swinging(?) around the key somehow is self defense. It’s not. Hopefully, this would never happen…but if someone is coming at you in an attack position, a good way to dodge would be actually charging at them like you have some kind of weapon or technique and once you pass them to keep on running fast as you can.. running at the attacker is usually not anticipated by the attacker and will confuse him momentarily to let you escape. But like anything, prevention would be best.
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March 10th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Great tips so far. Gaiya, the key can be used to poke someone in the eye. Unpleasant, to say the least…
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March 10th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
This is, as always a great post. It’s a shame that as women we need this kind of information, but since we do, it’s important to spread the message.
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March 10th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Actually the dog thing isn’t entirely true. They had a show where an ex-burglar would break into peoples homes and steal everything he would have stolen when he was making a living doing that. Often times the dog that people had and thought would gaurd their house did absolutely nothing at all. He would usually pet the dog and give it treats, and then put it in another room while he loaded up everything into his van. It was pretty interesting to watch that show.
Another good tip is, if there is a van near the sidewalk, cross the street to walk away from it. (I mean those big white vans with the tinted windows and sliding doors] People hide in those and can pull you into it really easily. If a van is next to my car, I always get in on the opposite side just to be safe.
I always scan while walking, and look at bushes and behind things to make sure no one is lurking. Better safe than sorry!
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March 10th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
I will give you the advice that my father gave me, this works if your assalent is a man or a women. Punch them in the nose if you can and as hare as you can. Use you overloaded purse to do it if you have to. When someone breaks there nose, the eyes have an automatic instinct to tear up. This blind and dazes the person for at least a few seconds, usually long enough for a kick to the shin, groin or knee to the gut, then and this is the most important thing, RUN, run to a crowded bright lit place, then call a friend to get you.
Also I like to be aware of my surrounding with out people know that I am, it can give you the upper hand in a situation. i have always lived in a semi-rough neighborhood. I have learned to walk around with my head phones on and my hands in my pockets, when I near a crowd of loitering teenagers I simply turn the music all the way down so I can assess the situation before I walk into it.
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March 10th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Hell.. I was always thinking that talking on the cell phone makes me ’safe’.
But then I read a similar article, and yah it’s not like it.
So now I try to walk with purpose and with self esteam.
Where I work, I leave my car in a parking lot, that’s only half lightened, and well of course I get scared to get in the car, that’s why when I get into it I lock myself in and then possibly relax.
I can’t wait to live alone, but such articles scare me, but that’s it, the cruel world. Good that here we don’t have as much crime.
Tho god damnit, I really wouldn’t go to Italy at night alone. No way. Hell no. There rapers (if they’ve done nothing else before) get nothing! NOTHING damnit! Because otherwise they’re ‘clean’ and because jails are full. Bleh.
Girls stay safe.
Get a dog, they’re adorable too! ;)
Oh and about that possibility that someone hides under your car. That’s not really possible in my country, because everyone here drives small cars, big ones are quite rare, even those are lowered. xD
My dear has his car so much lowered that you can’t even stick one foot under it, ..
Okay sorry for this :).
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March 10th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
One more thing.
If you can’t affort pepper spray, try with a regular spay deodorant/hair spray.
The person will surly have to go to hospital..
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March 10th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
This is really good, Doe.
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March 10th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
You are the best for posting things like this!
I actually heared ones that sexual preditors rather go for the shy girls then the sexy dressed ones. So that’s in comparison to what you say! People might suspect differently because people always tell the “naked/sexy dressed” girls that they make themselves a target.
I never really take precautions. I feel safe in my city. All I do is when it’s dark I phone someone. And I always try to look tough when I’m alone :P
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March 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I was “attempted mugged” once while walking around in a rougher spot of Minneapolis. I of course had been at the bar and had a few drinks, and was actually walking with a guy-friend when it happened. They must have thought I was more tipsy than I was–or simply didn’t realize that I’m irish (HA!). Anyway he came up out of an alleyway and grabbed my wrist to twist it, and I punched the guy so hard in the nose that I actually saw blood fly. And then I just sort of like, kicked him away and we ran. My friend was pretty dazed by all of it, we didn’t really have time to react (either that, or he was as drunk as he looked).
Either way, its a good point. We were both really lucky. It wasn’t necessarily a “red light district”, but we had wandered further into the rougher part than we should have. And just because I had a guy with me, didn’t necessarily deter them either, as well as the area was pretty well-lit too. So it can happen anywhere.
I would just recommend avoiding situations like that all-together, if at all possible.
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March 10th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I live in a small college community that has a huge drawback-we are the first stop off the greyhound for convicts getting out of a prison up north. I work alone on our town plaza, where these lowlifes congrigate, and after dark it is honestly intimidating. I keep the phone beside me and mace in a loose jacket pocket so i wontaccidentally hit the trigger.
Other than that i find bringing up the cops is a good deterrent.
When walking or on the bus i give out angry, aggressive vibes to creeps and am very aware of my surroundings. I dont like to talk on my phone while walking because i cant hear anything else.
I really want a taser though, i think it makes the most sense for girls to carry because its small and its unlikely to be used against you. Yeah! :D
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March 10th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
What a topic, Im actually a police officer in my country, but we dont call it that here. Attacks can happen to anyone, anyplace and all the tips are great because its good to see people thinking about their safety. Screaming is a good idea, if you make lots of noise theres a chance whoever is trying to steal your bag/cell phone or whatever will run, noise atracts other people and thats the last thing they want.
Safety in mind, remember that these things happen but try not to think about it all the time or you could find it has a egative impact on how you live your life. Stick to well lit, public areas at night and always make sure somebody knows where you are and will expect a call that you got home safe.
If all else fails, jab them in the eye with your mascara wand and run! :-)
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March 10th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
I’m amazed to say that I practice most of these by instinct. But such great reminders to be mindful of yourself and your surroundings.
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March 10th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Be responsible for your own safety.
Be aware of your surroundings at all times.
Get a pistol, a good holster, a concealed carry license and the training needed to use them. Some basic martial arts training would help too.
Remember, when seconds count the police are only minutes away.
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March 10th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Stumbled upon this!
Great article, and tips. Kinda frightens the living daylights out of me, that these things happen on a daily basis! But, ya’know they do, and it’s better to have these tips on your side, eh? Haha. I thought talking on your cell phone was a good idea, but I guess it’s not. I’ll keep that in mind.
Thanks for the great read.
Comments were really helpful and interesting too!
Girl power, all the way :P
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March 10th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Very timely for me, Doe. I’m going to SXSW this weekend & I’m concerned about looking like an easy target because it will be obvious that I’m carrying a lot of valuable items (laptop & SLR camera).
Excellent advice. Thanks!
xx austin chic
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March 10th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Thanks so much for the advice. I’ll be sure to pass this on.
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March 10th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
These are excellent tips.
All I have to add is something to what Samantha said. I used to do martial arts and was taught that a palm upward thrust is much more effective than a punch to the nose. Also, this will have less chance of injuring your own hand :]
My mother taught me many of these years ago, but I never would have expected the cell phone advice! I pretend that I’m speaking to someone on my cell phone when I’m nervous about being alone at night – I will definitely stop now.
Thank you for the advice Doe.
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March 10th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
I did vicious girl wrestling for awhile, so though I am small and not as strong as I used to be, I know lots of grapples and how to hurt tender places. Other than ring-fighting, we were taught how to hurt as quickly as possible and get away, not stay and fight someone who was probably bigger and stronger than ourselves.
Otherwise, it makes me angry that it always has to be a woman’s responsiblity to make sure she is not hurt by the ‘big bad men’.
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March 10th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Great article, Doe.
I’m guilty of some of the things you mentioned, such as appearing ‘distracted’ by fumbling with keys, etc. but only in very busy areas and in broad daylight. I’m not saying that attacks never happen in these circumstances, of course, but if I ever have to walk alone at night and/or with not many people around, I’m hyper-vigilant. And I often carry my keys in a fist with one sticking out between my fingers – that way, if I were to get attacked, I have an easy weapon at hand.
I also trained in martial arts and self-defence for a few years but I wouldn’t get complacent just because of that. I knew a blackbelt guy who was attacked and ended up in hospital. Other people said that he should have been able to defend himself but many people go into shock in these situations and whatever training they might have had seems to go out of the window.
I think a lot of safety is just about common sense, such as sticking to well-lit areas and trying to stay in groups, etc. I always trust my gut feelings, too. Better to be over-cautious if it means being safe, I think.
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March 10th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Just don’t be stupid.
A girl last week on my college campus got into a random man’s car at 1:30 in the morning because he offered her a ride – under what context, I don’t know, but she got in – and then he tried to sexually assault her before she managed to get out of the car and run away.
Clearly, sometimes, people just undergo a lapse of judgment. :P
HOWEVER. I am assuming everyone on this site is much brighter than that girl – honestly, I couldn’t even feel any pity for her – and will know how to keep her head straight.
BTW, I think someone above said this, but don’t ever run at a criminal to “surprise” them, as they may have a weapon hidden.
If someone grabs your wrist, pulling doesn’t help and just wastes energy – you have to rotate your wrist to get it loose much more easily.
Other than that, I think just carrying yourself confidently is really your best defense.
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March 10th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
A few weeks ago, some crazy guy started following me and cussing me out randomly. This was during the day a few blocks from my house in a decent neighborhood. I think the guy was looking for a fight or hadn’t taken his meds, it was very strange. There were tons of people around, but I had a feeling that none of them would do anything to help me out. I walked faster and looked for anywhere that I could go to escape. Since I had a packed lunch with me, I grabbed the glass soda bottle out of my bag and was prepared to use it as a weapon. This guy followed me up the block and just as he caught up to me, a bus stopped and I hopped on. Either I got lucky, or he did since I didn’t break his face with a cream soda!
I ended up reading a lot online about self defense and it really helped. I also downloaded an app for my iPhone called MyPanic that sends my gps location to my boyfriend’s email, puts it on my twitter, and on my facebook status at the touch of one button. It can also call 911, but I disable that since I’d rather be looking for an escape or a weapon instead of talking on the phone with the dispatcher. Haven’t had to use it yet, and I hope it stays that way!
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March 10th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Wow, Jess! That’s a neat find.
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March 10th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Two years ago my school gave the girls mandatory “self-defense” lessons and lectures and they said pretty much the same stuff, like not parking near potential hiding places (walls, vans, hedges etc) and parking near the entrance and under lights. They also recommended not going to the ATM at night.
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March 10th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
that boot thing is amazing!
i have an old, muddy pair i’ll put out tonight.
to use a key more effectively, the say to hold the chain in your dominant hand and have the key coming out from between your index and middle finger.
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March 10th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I remember when I was younger my stepfather once told me to dress your best and carry yourself with confidence because you never know who is watching you. Since I was young I thought he was making some comment about how I dressed, but at the time he was a detective and our family could be targeted by gangs and drug dealers that would be angry at him. So it was actually great advice that I still practice till this day. But I think the best advice is to always be aware of your surroundings especially if you’re with someone else like a small child like I am, they can easily distract you. When I’m be myself I always keep my hands inside my coat pockets where my keys/cell phone are, and when I go anywhere at night I always check inside the car before I go in, even if its parked outside my front door. And look out for each other!! The one time I went to the Laundry mat with my son and there was a random guy parked outside. I was a little freaked out since I had my son but another woman offered to watch from the door until I got my son and myself into the car, which was a big help/relief.
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March 10th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I have the luck of having a spouse-creature that is also my best friend, so I’m rarely unaccompanied by a 6′2 240lb German rottweiler. :) That always makes me feel safe.
I work in a store that’s near the high crime part of town and caters to those same neighborhoods, and we only work one employee at a time, so little me (I’m about your size, Doe) has to be here alone at night most days. Precautions? Confidence, attitude, and I don’t keep the key in the register drawer so that I have a valid excuse to reach in the drawer that has my pistol in it. :) It’s a nice set up. Makes me feel safe (besides having aforementioned rottweiler come and sit with me after dark nights that he doesn’t work).
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March 10th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
this topic is unfortunately something I’ve had to become an expert about, since I live in a very insecure country, where life is apparently meaningless, and things like someone got shot so the robber could steal their shoes, or someone got killed because the robber wanted to steal their car but since they couldn’t they got angry and shot them, are an everyday event.
So here is my little personal story. One day I was heading out of sewing class, and because of winter it was night already when we went out, I always walked back home something that would be about 2 or 3 miles, half of it would be with a friend until she got to her house and I would go on. Since this part of the city isn’t as insecure I’d always plug my earphones and listen to music the rest of the walk. when I was about 3 or 4 blocks from my house I crossed a street which is usually jammed in traffic and people, this day how ever I only spotted a family going in the opposite direction of me and there were no cars passing by, so I keep walking and i suddenly felt someone going behind me, it had happened to me before and turned out it was just someone passing by, but i hurried my pace a little, then I stopped for a second to plug my earphones and set my iPod off and a man just jumped in front of me and he screamed to me to give him the iPod, It was the first time something like that ever happened to me so I was terrified and I didn’t know how to react, my mind was absolutely clouded, so I did probably the stupidest things anyone could do first I forced with him until he threatened me and I let it go, then he grabbed my arm I don’t know if he wanted to steal anything else or what was it he wanted but acting just in instinct I slapped him, then I froze and stepped back and my mind was no longer clouded I was even more terrified thinking what the hell I just had done, I didn’t know if the man was armed, as they usually are, I didn’t know what he was going to do, there was absolutely no one around and he was blocking my way, so I couldn’t even run anywhere. Fortunately, maybe slapping him was really the right thing to do or I’m just lucky, If you can really call that lucky, after giving me a furious look he hit me with his hand open across my face, I don’t recall ever experiencing anything as painful as that, his hand covered not only more than half of my face, but of my head, so this time I was really paralyzed, stunned-stung in pain and completely in blank, I don’t know how long I was like that but when I finally looked up the man was running from me with some sort of triumphant grin on his face I absolutely hated, and when I could move i just started crying, running to my house and spitting blood. I remember my face was red and swollen, and after it all had happened more than scared I felt furious, but I ended up having some sort of trauma after that, It was weeks before I went out to walk or went anywhere on my own, if I had to go somewhere I’d only do it in car and if I was left alone somewhere I’d get somewhat psychotic and just run to someplace I thought as safe. but after that day, every time I go out I walk very fast, I never let the night catch up to me, and I’m pretty aware of every single detail.
my story might be a little over reacting but thats what you feel like when you’re being threatened in some kind of way, and I seriously wish nothing like that ever happens to me again, or anyone.
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March 10th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
My constant companion is a very large wolfy dog and a medium sized little spitfire aussie type :D. If anyone sneezed they’d faint but nobody knows that.
For robbery of the indoor shopping center type I am Ms. Take It It’s Yours ;~)
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March 10th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
♣ Jess
What an incredible discovery! Everyone should have it installed on their cellphone.
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March 10th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
This might sound funny but I’ve been told to carry around a mugger’s wallet. It’s a wallet where you put a couple of dollars and expired credit cards. Hopefully, the mugger will run off with it and you won’t have to defend yourself.
Apparently, this can also extend to fake cellphones:
http://gothamist.com/2009/03/09/mugger_scoffs_at_non-iphone.php
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March 10th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Great post! The whole subject makes me nervous and quite depressed, but there is a lot of scum out there, so we do need to confront the topic occasionally.
Thankfully, I find that I instinctively take most of these precautions already, apart from the phone thing. I won’t be doing that now! (Although, it’s probably a good idea to have it close)
One thing that bothered me slightly about Rebeccas comment up there was her admission she “didn’t even feel sorry for her” re: a girl who was almost sexually assaulted. Sure, what she did was pretty stupid, but can this EVER justify a man trying to rape her? There are plenty of “stupid”/naieve women out there, but this does not mean that it is acceptable for them to be assaulted.
We do need to be aware, and try to keep ourselves safe as best we can, but it angers me that victims are still held partly responsible for the sick and depraved acts that may be taken out on them.
Maybe it would be a good idea to try to educate brothers/fathers/ male spouses on these matters too; eg,that it is NEVER ok to bully or victimise anybody,how to REJECT any of your male buddies that think it’s ok to do so, what to do if you spot a potential situation, how to help a potential victim etc.
Looking after yourself is very important, but it would be great if members of the community were encouraged more to make an effort to look out for each other too. I realise this is a very idealistic idea!(and probably unrealistic in this dog-eat-dog world) But I really think this whole issue must be dealt with by human beings in general, and not just left up to the women of the world to deal with.
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March 10th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Thanks for the extra tips Doe. I think everyone should know how to handle these situations and even more so how to try to avoid them. I walk to my school everyday and usually I don’t worry too much about it. I live in a fairly good neighborhood and am a little more than a half a mile away from my school. However, this past year there have been two different rapes of female students at my school and other sexual assault cases as well. This has made me more aware of my surroundings and I try to take as many precautions as I can.
Thanks again for the tips, I too thought it was better to be on the phone, but now I’ll try to not be and stay focused on where I’m going.
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March 10th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
If I hang out late at night and have to bus or walk home I always do the key through my fingers defense. This also may sound silly but sometimes if I feel threatened I have 911 dialed into my phone ready to call. Sometimes I’ll just talk on the phone with my sister for the period that I’m walking so that I look busy. I also walk fast and with a purpose.
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March 10th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Everyone says they live in a good neighbourhood and thinks it counts for something. I live in an exceptionally good neighbourhood thats nothing but old people and young couples, but in both directions from my house their have been rapes and muggings. Not just one offs either, it’s happened quite a few times. No matter where you are you need to be on your guard, good neighbourhood doesn’t nessicarily mean good people.
My boyfriend always checks the back seat if his car which people always laugh at, but it’s not that silly. My mums a nurse and worked in hospital in town. A lot of the time they would park their cars near the park lands because the hospital would charge them for parking. The security guards would walk them to their cars after dark. One night one of the nurses was walked to her car and after the security guard left and she was in her car she was attacked by a man in her backseat. Luckily she got away.
And as for not feeling sorry for a girl who does something stupid. The point is we should be able to do those stupid things. we shoudln’t have to look over our shoulders all the time. The sad fact is that we do.
Everybody stay safe!!
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March 10th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Good tips, I remember one of my teachers going over these precautions back in highschool.
I’ve noticed that no one messes with girls with neon crayola coloured hair [from personal experience, living in both small towns and big cities]- maybe its part of the whole carrying yourself with confidence.
Oh, if you can’t afford a bottle of pepper spray, then buy one of those little Axe bullet sprays. That stuff reeks when sprayed once in a large room, I imagine it’ll burn like hell in the nostrils. If you carry a metal nail file with a pointy end, aim to jab the attacker’s eye.
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March 10th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I live in a town with 2 colleges nearby so most anyone trying to steal anything is a student (so am I for that matter) and I have had people try to force their way into my house before. They usually get chased off by my dogs.
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March 10th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
If you’re easily worried, live in a difficult neighborhood, or just want the experience – take a self defense class.
But please, it is important to be conscious of our use of language. No one is ever deserving of an attack or rape with or without “precautions”.
As a woman, I am tired of being told to change MY behavior as not to become a target. Perhaps there should be more list-making to teach ALL people to respect one another.
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March 10th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
About owning a pistol.
I’m sorry if I offend any of you girls but this is crazy.
I’m all for defending yourself when in danger but never like that, owning anything that was meant to kill is against principles. In my opinion there would be at least half less violence in our world if it was againt the law to own a gun.
Back to the subject of self defence, we talk a lot about women being attacked but men are at risk as well and it’s not ony men that can be attackers.
I’m a bit paranoid about walking alone at night, when I was a teenager I use to wear a big chain attached to my belt and when I walked alone I would take it off and roll it around my hand.Now, I keep my keys between my fingers but it doesn’t feel safe enough, I’m thinking of getting a pepperspray.
One thing that makes me feel a bit better is that here in Montreal if you take the bus at night you can ask the driver to drop you off at any street corner in between regular stops. Once I was the last person on the bus and the driver even offered to drop me aright in front of my house (what a nice guy).
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March 10th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Great article!
I always carry my keys between my fingers and also if you are in the unfortunate circumstance of being assaulted, scream and fight as much as you can. If you are ‘difficult’ they will more likely give up. And if screaming for help it’s better to scream ‘fire’ than help. I heard a long time ago that people respond more to this than ‘help.
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March 10th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Personally, one of the best things I’ve learned to do is treat everyone and every situation like it’s dangerous, unless it obviously isn’t. Unfortunately, I’m usually the only one of my friends who actually takes into account that there are dangerous people out there and they’re the ones that usually get me in a tight spot. Luckily, nothing really terrible has happened, but a few of my friends have been drugged and found themselves in dire situations because they just take kindness for granted. Silly girls…
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March 10th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
great tips! i think it’s very important that women and girls these days know what to look out for since it seems that as time goes on, the more dangerous the world becomes.
i haven’t read all the comments so i don’t know if someone already mentioned this but i have read and heard from many sources that if you do get into a bad situation and you’re stuffed into a trunk of a car, to start kicking the area where the taillights are because they should pop off, and start waving frantically so get the attention of other cars.
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March 11th, 2009 at 1:43 am
Doe> Er… looking at my post again, I think it might have sounded like I was sorta attacking you about the key.. ahaha; Just wanted to let you know I didn’t mean to if it came out that way… I was just reminded of girls who think they are protected just because they are carrying a weapon.. I was talking about them… but I think it might have sounded like I was attacking you. :P
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March 11th, 2009 at 2:55 am
amazing article!!
i know that there is a lot of danger out there not just for girls but for anyone
i live in monterrey mexico .. monterrey was actually one of the safest cities in my country but right now it seems no place is really safe. not just here but in the whole world..
my dad is obsessed with me getting all the training possible to avoid getting into a hard situation.. since i was 4 years old he get me into martial arts. and self defense
..i actually didn’t really believed something could actually happen or that someday i would need to use all the training. but i did.. even though i am always very aware of my environment one day after college i was going home.. it was 8 o’clock.. it wasn’t even that late.. and walking around the bus stop a guy just came out of nowhere,, my first reaction was walking away from him but i didn’t do it ’cause i didn’t really thought he would be dangerous ’cause he looked like some random college guy.. and just like that he grabbed my laptop bag and pulled it away, so i grabbed my bag as hard as i could. and twisted it .. but he won’t let it go so while i was screaming for help. i hit him in the nose. and then some guys came to help me.. they scared him away he just started running away..
so even though you now self defense or maartial arts or stuff like this..a very important thing is to know how to react in a danger situation .. always think that YES it can happen to you.. and that you never really know who can be a threat to your safety..
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March 11th, 2009 at 4:44 am
Interesting read, makes me realize some things I thought I did to protect myself do the opposite. I’m always on alert, I’m one of the overly paranoid types. If I’m ever in an area alone that I’m uncomfortable in I’d grab my cell and call or pretend to call someone. But since it’s out of discomfort I’d still be very alert.
I like the boots suggestion!! I never would have thought of that. I’d be way to scared if I ever lived by myself. I think I’ll always need someone. Being alone in an apartment or whatever all the time would just freak me out.
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March 11th, 2009 at 7:05 am
I always do the key thing too.
I think one of the most dangerous things people teach girls is to not trust their instincts and to not make a fuss. The few times I’ve been in threatening situations, I’ve had alarm bells going off like mad in my head but tried to ignore them because the person involved is a friend of friend or whatever.
While it’s important to protect ourselves from random attackers, most attacks are by people you know. If I had a daughter, I’d be advising her to get out of any situation in which she feels uncomfortable no matter who’s feelings are hurt or if she gets laughed at.
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March 11th, 2009 at 8:48 am
This article makes me wanna take self defence classes! Another tip: If you think someone is following you, cross over the road and observe what they do. Cross over again and if they follow, you know for sure! Its unlikely that anybody just going about their business would cross twice. x
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March 11th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Great article. I always have my car keys out when I am walking to my car. And if anything should happen and I am near my car I can set off the car alarm in hopes it will scare an attacker away. I was also told by my father to always go for an attackers eyes or if it’s a guy… the groin area.
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March 11th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
First I want to say that this article is really, really helpful. And I think it’s great that you think about such things and don’t just try to forget that there are criminals. In my small home town in Germany it doesn’t seem to be that bad, when it comes to criminals but it is still good to take precautions.
This is going to sound stupid but … I’ve got tics and this kind of seems like a good reason to get rid of them. Well, I’ve already found a thousand reasons but this article made me think about how my tics distract me a lot and they make me look weak. There are already people at my school talking about me because of those tics. I’ve been having them for about eight years and it’s so hard to get rid of them. It would be so great if you had some advice on staying calm and things like that. But I know this is quite a stupid question because you don’t know how it is having tics (which is really good and I’m glad about it)
So … thank you for this great article!
<3
Vanessa
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March 11th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
This was great, I think a lot of people really need to read this!
Sometimes I find that that people can be too open and friendly towards strangers. It can be dangerous. Be polite, but don’t go further then that. Where I work, one girl is extremely outgoing and chatty with customers. She was particularly friendly to one customer and now he’s stalking her.
I’m not saying you should assume every stranger has bad intentions, but you can’t let your guard down. Be weary!
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March 11th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
What an informative article! Thank you for sharing this! I get harrassed all the time by strangers, I live in an area where all the action is, the nightclubs, drunken groups of men, accidents, speeding, weirdos etc. Yet I love living in my area, it’s close to work and is a trend spot and tourist attraction by day. You need to be street smart.
The best thing to do is ignore people! I’mIt is tempting to talk back but it encourages them to harass you even more.
Not acknowledging they exist really works. No matter what they say, keep walking and ignore them.
Just yesterday leaving work late at night, a man pulled up in front of me and was trying to ask me to get into his car. By ignoring him and getting out my cellphone and pretending to talk to my “boyfriend” he ignored me. I was not wearing anything to imply I wanted attention. I was wearing a trench coat and pants. Men bother you when you are alone no matter what you are wearing.
I live alone and walk alone all the time and by the fact you are alone, you get harassed even more. Always have your cellphone. Even if it’s not charged pretend to talk on it. I do this all the time.
It is true by having a dog you feel more safe. My dog is 8lbs but sounds like a German Shepherd. Her bark is ferocious when it comes to strangers or intruders. They don’t know, they just hear her barking. Leave a light on at home or the tv/radio to show someone is home.
Be careful!
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March 12th, 2009 at 12:47 am
I am amazed at how many people really think talking on your cellphone makes you safer. Really? Really? That’s like saying talking on your cellphone in the car makes you a better driver.
Also, people: dogs are not attack animals; they are not sirens. If a robber or rapist is armed, he will have no problem killing your dog in an instant if it gives him trouble. No dog is going to attack a man so viciously based purely on the fact that he is threatening you unless the dog already has behavioral problems, in which case the dog is a danger to you. Do not get a dog just because you think it will deter people from breaking in or attacking you on the streets—most dogs just stand there and do nothing. A neighbor of mine has a st. bernard, and while walking at night was attacked by a young man. The man punched the dog in the face–no lie–and then took the owner’s wallet and phone. The dog was really hurt!
I live in Baltimore, the murder capitol of the US. Almost everyone I know has been robbed, attacked, raped, or had their car broken into. We’re students who come here to study at a really amazing college, but it’s located at the edge of the slums. I’ve recently had to move because my car kept getting broken into!
Also, do not accept help from strangers if you are locked out of your house or something. A girl at my school was locked out and a man offered to help her get into her apartment through the fire escape. Of course he followed her in through the window, raped her, and took her valuables. Honestly, the safest thing to do is to just give them your wallet and phone; they likely won’t hurt you if you just comply. Sucks, but at least you’ll live through it.
Still, murder and rape are threats. I try to avoid going to parties where I will be with strangers; if I drink at all it is never to the point of where I can feel it; I don’t put my glass down. I never walk alone at night if I can help it, and I always walk very purposefully with my head held high. I try to keep my hands as free as possible, and someone always knows where I should be at any given time.
To quote zefrank:
If you hit me I won’t run, I won’t run to get my gun
’cause if I do then you’ll have one.
I kind of wish I could have a stun gun though. They make ones that are disabled if they are pulled out of your hand, and ones strong enough to stop a man’s heart in a few seconds. At the very least, they can shoot a bolt of electricity into the air so people think twice before attacking you.
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March 12th, 2009 at 9:13 am
really great article!
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March 12th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Scary…but useful. Thanks.
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March 12th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Hi Celine;
I don’t talk on my cellphone all the time like Cher in the movie Clueless :P I do feel safer with a cellphone. It’s something I have handy if I’m stranded.
It’s not like running at night in the park alone with your headphones on. That is not safe. You can’t hear someone coming up behind you.
I don’t drive and would never drive and talk on my cellphone at the same time. But having a cellphone really works. Like I said, another time a man just grabbed my arm, I instantly pulled out my cellphone and started to dial 911 and said I’m calling the police, the man bolted. He probably had a history or a warrant.
Also, I once lived above a record store and someone threw a brick through the window. My dog woke me up out of a dead sleep by barking. He didn’t end up going into my apartment because of this. She doesn’t have behavior issues, she is protective of me with strangers at the door. Dogs also hear sounds you don’t hear right away. She *sounds* ferocious (the illusion of a misbehaved dog) but is not ferocious. She is really cuddly and sleeps on my pillow beside my head.
A dog and a cellphone make me feel safer but not 100% safe. Even if I owned a gun, I would not feel entirely safe, that could be used against me like a knife could if you’re caught off guard.
These suggestions are precautions.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I have no choice to walk at night, in the real world, the 9-5 job is dwindling, I work shift work and without having someone to pick me up after work, a cell phone really helps.
I read a lot of Ann Rule, a true crime writer. She wrote ‘The Stranger Beside Me’ about Ted Bundy who lured his victims wearing a police uniform. Her books are a real eye opener for women.
Also, don’t let strangers into your house posed in a uniform when you’re not expecting them. It seems like common sense but subconsciously we immediately trust someone in authority.
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March 13th, 2009 at 3:39 am
I make a note of avoiding walking too closely to large vans, especially vans that either do not have windows or have darkly tinted windows.
-Do NOT park along the passenger side of a large van. It’s too easy for someone to grab you and pull you in without anyone seeing.
My fiance and I like to go out to movies, grocery shopping, bookstores, etc. late at night. We are always looking around us to see where people are. Especially if there are columns nearby or some bulky structure large enough for someone to hide behind. We like to walk far enough away that we can see what’s on the other side well before we’re too close to it.
Always look into your back seat and the foot-wells of the driver and passenger seats before you get in.
Check under your car before getting too close. There was a wave of people getting their ankles slit by someone hiding under the car with a knife in hand, some years ago.
Lock your doors (ALL of them) as soon as you get in your car and keep the windows rolled up when you’ve come to a stop, especially at night.
-If you are in a situation where you are being sexually attacked, urinate on your attacker.
I heard a story on some talk-show where this young woman was being attacked and she urinated on her attacker. This surprised her attacker so much that it gave her the moment she needed to get up, and get away. Saved her life.
SCREAM “FIRE” not ‘Rape’. More people are likely to come running to a fire rather than to help someone who’s being raped.
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March 13th, 2009 at 3:46 am
Oh yeah,
When you are going into a public bathroom by yourself or even with a friend, make sure you are not being followed in.
Last year there were reports in MA. that women were being followed ‘right into’ the bathroom stall where they were physically/sexually assaulted by male attackers.
I always look around to see if anyone else is in the bathroom with me and to make sure I’ve not been followed in. I also lock the door behind me immediately.
Try not to hang your coat/purse on the back of the door. Too easy to someone to reach over the door while you’ve got your panties down and steal your stuff.
-I know it’s nasty, but either keep your purse between your knees with one strap around your leg, or try to balance it up on the toilet paper dispenser or trash can.
*Your purse is easier to wash than to replace.
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March 13th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Deere, you did a fantastic job on your post, but some of the visitor comments bother me a lot. Yes.. training in self defence would be ideal, but all this talk about spray, weapons etc. This concerns me. The best weapon one has against attackers is yourself. You waste precrious time fumbling/reaching/grabing/aiming for something meant to protect you, but could so easily be turned against you. My opinion is that you may actually be enabling your attacker with a weapon, and hurting your own chances. Keys are great.. (Yes always have them prepared for use in your doors) but what if your hand is grabbed and the attacker crushes your fingers against the metal because you tried to make them into a cheap brass-knuckle? You’ll probably wind up with one less hand to fight with. Your best weapon is yourself, but you have to be willing to fight dirty. Claw, scratch, bite, kick, knee, twist anything you can get your fingers around. Head-butt, spit/drool on them, or take them by suprise like one woman had the courage to do and urinate. Her attacker was so supprised to be pissed on that he let her go for a moment which gave her the time to run.
Sometimes, it’s best to be prepared for everything. There is a time and a place for weapons.. usually when you have the distance to use them. But if you’ve been caught you need to weigh your options carefully. Weapons aren’t a cure all, especially if you don’t train with them frequently. This includes sprays and keys-made-brass-knuckles.
Get together with your friends or your significant other. Practice attackers hold’s and ways you can think of to get out of them. Just remember that attackers have tight holds, don’t make it easy on eachother. Bend fingers, scratch skin (Though.. do it gently to your friends :P ) use whatever your brain and body can come up with. Better to have a criminal report, than writing on a tombstone.
Always be prepared. Always be ready.. for that one sparse moment in time, that you just might not be.
Stay safe ladies, and many blessings to you all.
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March 13th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Good tips!
Celine, I’m in Baltimore too. It’s gotten more and more sketchy over the past few years!
When I walk alone at night, wherever possible, I actually walk in the middle of the street. The lighting is better than on the sidewalks, and there is more time to see someone coming at you and react. There are lots of little alleyways and places where people can pop out of and grab you, plus on most vans, the back door part is on the passenger side which would be on the sidewalk side.
I never talk on my cellphone, but I make sure it’s handy in my pocket. I also text my boyfriend if I make unexpected stops anywhere off my route. My car keys have a panic button on them so those stay close as well.
On one hand you hear about these amazing stories where a stranger came to someone’s aid and saved the day, but on the other hand, you hear about people who stop to help a stranger and get beaten/raped/etc. My dad once stopped to help a woman move her car out of the road, and a couple of guys appeared with baseball bats and the woman demanded his wallet and keys. Luckily he said it was in the car, hopped in and drove off. They put a few dents in the car with the bat though.
You really just never know!
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March 16th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
According to this I’m not an easy target at all. Maybe because I’ve heard a few of these tips before and learned from my mom but I also think i have some instinct about it. The only time i fit the qualifications of an easy target is when I’m with friends or my parents because i feel safer and let my guard down.
My precautions? When I was younger I’d walk to my friends house nearly every day and I carried a sharp metal mechanical pencil sticking slightly out of my purse zipper so i could grab it quickly and stab an attacker.
It’s not much but I also like to wear my fingernails long and sharp. It comes in handy since i know for a fact they tear through flesh easily. I also keep in mind wear i can stab or tear and do serious harm or even kill a person with my own hands if i can get my hand there in time. example: the genitals (obviously) the neck, eyes, soft spots in the skull at the side of the head between the ears and eyes and in the back of the head where it meets the neck. Yes it’s gory but it beats getting raped!
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March 16th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
To Vanessa: You’ve probably already heard and tried this before but just in case I’ll tell you anyway.
I have OCD and used to have some tics. Well I suppose i still do (but doesn’t every girl need to scream for no reason every so often ;P ?)When I’m in public I just realize an OCD thought or tic is coming i try and think of the most distracting thought i can. Then they go away. If your out alone i’d make it something about my surroundings.
sorry chances are this won’t work (because it already hasn’t)but i hope it will.
Good Luck
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March 17th, 2009 at 1:52 am
This is good advice, I’m glad I read it. My only concerns are during the hikes I take. What would I do if I came across a Bear or snake? Don’t look them in the eyes, don’t run. I never even considered what I would do if a pervert crossed my path. Kick them in the nuts?
Thanks for posting this information.
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March 18th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Confidence is key. If you don’t have it, fake it until you do.
I once heard that sexy/ provocatively dressed women get attacked not because they look “inviting”, but because they’re an easy target. And really, it’s not that comfortable to run on heels in a mini, and if your hair is down and waving all around, it’s very easy to grab and pull.
I live in what is presumed to be a safe area, but one can never be too cautious. Things I always do is scan surroundings before I get in the car, check the CAR before I get into it — I cannot stress this enough, ALWAYS do it, — and lock myself in before I start the car and drive off. The important thing is not to forget to unlock it once you’re on the road, because if, God forbid, something happens, it’ll be much harder to open the doors and get you out.
When using mass transit, don’t stand close to the doors, even if the next station is yours.
One of my acquaintances worked as a prison guard. She told me that if I am ever in the situation where I have to walk home in the dark in a scarcely populated area, then walk in the middle of the road — yes, where cars usually go. I told her it seemed unsafe, and she answered that it’s much easier to jump out from a bush, alley, whatever and drag you in a secluded area when you’re on the sidewalk. It’s an extreme advice for sure, but walking home alone in the dark in a rough area isn’t a daily occurrence either, I hope.
Also, it’s a mistake to assume that once you’re in the light, you’re safe. It’s hard to see what’s going on in the dark once you’re standing under the streetlight. That, and source of light usually makes you more at ease and therefore not as aware.
Another advice I once heard, if you’re attacked by a raper, tell him/ her your name. It sounds weird, but if you think of it, it has a point. To a raper you’re a faceless victim, something to use and dispose of. When you put a name to something, it’s different. Though of course it would hardly stop them, it could throw them off for a moment. And then you use that moment to punch them in the nose.
Other than that, use whatever possible to defend yourself. Bite, claw, poke in the eye, pull ears.
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March 25th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Don’t put yourself in dangerous situations and use common sense. I agree with the poster who said she didn’t feel sorry for the girl that almost got assaulted because she got in a stranger’s car. She did something stupid/dangerous and that was the consequence. Remember consequences? You know – touch hot stove, burn hand, learn lesson (hopefully)?
Thankfully I have never been accosted, although some delinquents did try to break into my apartment once. These brats knocked at the door at like midnight. I looked through the peephole and didn’t answer. Then they went around back and started trying to get in the window.
I called the cops immediately and stood at the window where they were with a sword (yes, a sword) in hand ready to cut off whatever came through the window first! They ran off though (and promptly got caught by the incoming police).
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April 4th, 2009 at 5:31 am
Listen to Xenia kids. She is telling you the truth. I am 6 foot and 4 inches and 200 lbs but I’ve been jumped on the street several times and one time I had a knife pulled on me.
):-(
I am Autistic so it makes me a target.
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