I’ve seen all kinds of off-the-hook questions in my Gmail but this is the strangest one yet. So bizarre it is, in fact, that I don’t know how to answer it! I’ve been accused of making up Deer Doe stuff before and after this one, I couldn’t really blame them! I let it incubate in my box for a while until the sender re-submitted it again recently. It’s like it was destined to be published.
But, enough words! See for yourself.
I have something of great importance to ask you. Is it possible to fall in love with a character, real or not? And if so, is the love real?
I have always been a huge fan of Optimus Prime. When I was little, I watched all the transformers generation 2 shows and have realised in recent years that I have grown inordinately attached to the character. I believe he is real somewhere. His voice at the prologue of the 2007 Michael Bay film makes my heart flutter. And I have cried heavily every time I have watched transformers 2 because of his *death*.
I don’t really know what to do as I’m willing to wait for him forever but what if he never comes? I was instantly drawn to his personality as he is brave and strong with good leadership skills but is slightly emotionally detached which makes me want to teach him emotion – especially how to fall in love. I am unsure of what to do and feel I love him too deeply to give him up…
-Laura’s Prime
Deerlings: what do we think? Have you ever found yourself in love with a fictional character – from a movie, book, anime? Is this kind of love real? I know Laura’s is an unusual situation but let’s share our thoughts without judging. Should she wait for her Optimus forever or give him up in favor of a, um, more real fella?
Well this has sort of happened to one of my best friends a couple of years back. She fell in love with Edward Cullen and to this day still refers to herself as Mrs. Edward Cullen. Lindsay is 17 now and although she isn’t quite as obsessive as she was I don’t see her getting over this anytime soon. So Laura my advice to you would be to try and find a guy who reminds you of Optimus whether it be the voice or some aspects of the personality.
oh Dear, i don’t know what to say :( that is weird :O GoodLuck
I totally crushed/loved a character in this series of books that I read in high school. It didn’t help that my first boyfriend was kind of like him (in a more realistic way).
These are the worst kind of unrequited loves because you know there is NO hope of it ever happening, unlike with a celebrity or other person where, while unlikely, it could happen.
Really I don’t think its anything to worry about. Fictional characters exist as a product of the imagination and as such they fulfill a part of us that cannot be by anything in real life. Whether its a live action character in a movie or a cartoon character is irrelevant.
For Laura’s Prime, Optimus represents characteristics she is attracted to and would be in a real man, if he existed. There’s nothing wrong or weird about that.
If we didn’t grow emotionally attached or even fall in love with characters we wouldn’t enjoy watching films, reading books, or anything of the sort.
So yes, its okay to love a character, but she should also try to find the qualities she loves in Optimus in a real person too.
When I was a child I was hopelessly in love with Donatello from TMNT. As I grew, my weird crush lingered for years off and on. I am not happily married to someone after 8.5 beautiful years of our relationship. I realized that I was attracted to intellectual types (Reid from Crime Scene Investigations too!) and am lucky to have found an amazing man who is very smart and witty.
You’re in love with his actions, not with him :D It’s possible you will find this kind of endearment in someone else too, so don’t let yourself miss out! Good luck Laura’s Prime! <3
I meant to say I am NOW happily married hahaa, that’s the absolute worse typo ever! -blushes-
I think everyone has felt some sort of emotion towards a character before, maybe not as strong as this, but something which to anyone else may seem silly.
It sounds like you’ve found the qualities you really want in a person, but haven’t actually found a person with those qualities yet. As long as you don’t limit yourself by waiting for Optimus you’ll be ok because unfortunately Optimus isn’t real. Put yourself out there a bit more and you never know who you’ll meet.
Women often become so deeply in love with their partners that they think they would die if they were ever apart, but we know when the relationship does end we eventually move on and find another.
[...] Read the story here…. [...]
SPOILER!!!!
She can have one of my exes who was emotionally detached ;<.<
I had a crush on alladin….
x
http://www.monikapoppy.com
LOVE FROM MONIKA POPPY
LOVING AND LIVING IT UP IN LONDON
I think Stephanie L makes some very good points and has some good advice about trying to find Optimus’ good qualities in a real person. I just have one caveat:
Laura’s Prime mentions being attracted to Optimus’ emotional detachment. This raises a red flag for me – relationships with emotionally distant people are problematic at best, potentially heartbreaking, and in my experienced opinion should be avoided at all costs. If Laura is attracted to him because of that detachment, it may be because she is not really ready for an adult, emotional relationship. If Laura is 14, this is not a big deal and her feelings will change as she matures. If she is 24, then perhaps she is hiding from real life and real relationships?
So, Laura, enjoy your love of the character, and add his good qualities to the list of standards you look for in a real relationship. But look for those qualities in a man who is emotionally open and available and will appreciate your good qualities as well!
Yeah, actually, when I read this post (didn’t get so far – needed to comment! lol) – I find myself relating all this non-existing charachter-love, to my love for Tara in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I was soo devastated when she got killed =( and still am.. actually, it is very hard to watch! She is, like, my dream girl :D
I think falling in love / crushing on a fictional character isn’t much different from crushing on real people. In both cases we fall for illusions.
I also hugely agree with Stephanie L.
i think it’s fine, but if you forgo dates with other… “real” guys, that might be a problem… it’s like the whole thing where thousands of teenage girls feel in love with edward cullen (from twilight).
Well I feel falling in love with a fictional character has a lot to do with recognizing in that character your ideals. As the writer said, she is in love with Optimus Prime’s personality more so than with him as a Transformer. She wants someone who is brave and strong with good leadership skills and I’m sure she’ll find just that man someday!
I think its fine, I used to have a huge thing for Spiderman when I was younger and just the cartoon version. Tobey Maguire in the films did nothing for me.
Its just like fantasying about a dream guy, a lot of girls are attracted to those “emotionally detached” guys in a hope to fix them.
I think Laura will meet someone she likes eventually in real life who may or may not be like the character she is in love with at the moment.
I will just say don’t miss an opportunity if someone you like comes a long give them a chance and don’t just let them sip away because they are not Mr. Prime.
<3
Sometimes we fall in love with characters, whether it be Optimus Prime, Edward Cullen, or Darth Vader (guilty when I was 8). But alot of the time we’re using these created people as our way of saying “You’re the Perfect Boyfriend/Girlfriend.” (It also doesn’t help when you can buy shirts that say Mrs. Edward Cullen). It helps fill a void we can’t find in real life. But sometimes we use these characters as a template for our own future relationships, and that’s pretty much a star that’s out of reach. No one can be Edward Cullen (I’m talking about the emotional aspect), No one can be Optimus Prime, and especially Darth Vader. But its not wrong to be in love, that’s how these characters get their magic, the people they love.
One thing though, I”m worried about the emotional detachment part of Optimus Prime, I’ve been in those situations, and it hurts worse than beguiles. Maybe you need to look further into yourself and see if that’s what you want in a guy. I know that personality trait was a lot of pain for me.
Laura,
The qualities you love in Optimus Prime are there to make you love him. That is, the creator of the character built the character on the same ideals you love in him. Everyone loves those characteristics, and we love fictional characters because they are able to show us the best parts of ourselves. I both love and hate Holden Caulfield because he reminds me of the best and worst things about myself and about youth. People adore Rainbow Brite because she represents all the perfect, innocent, cheerful things we like to associate with little girls.
But the thing is, fictional characters are indeed fictional. You have to come to terms with the fact that someone made them up. Rather than looking for a real life Optimus Prime, look for those characteristics in yourself. Be the honorable, strong, smart leader that you know deep down you can be. You’re not likely to find a person in real life who is as perfect as this fictional hero, but you can continue to value those things that make you look up to the character.
To take it out of a romantic context, I have to admit that I admire certain fictional characters. I always tell people I want to be Tank Girl. Realistically, I don’t want to live in the dessert and drive and tank and fight bad guys and marry a kangaroo-man-hybrid. But I adore her attitude, her toughness, her weird style, etc. I look for things in my life that reflect those qualities. You can do the same, and it is my humble opinion that there is nothing wrong with you. <3 <3 <3
I think more then in love with the character, you are in love with the way he is, caring, brave, and all those things that make him so wonderfull, he might never come, but you will be looking for someone that has that kind of actitud, it’s totally normal what’s going on with her.
in everything, comics, books, the writers make a character than is an ideal, that’s why many people fin themselves calling them heroes or their perfect match.
How old is Laura? She may grow out of it. My daughter also falls in love with anime characters. One psychologist said it wasnt healthy. But I disagree. One day when she is older she may find the right guy that will understand her feelings and may win her over. Maybe a rich fantasy life may be beneficial to their relationship. But even if they dont grow out of it, it is their lives and maybe if that is what makes them happy who are we to say anything against it. Its not like they are hurting anyone including themselves.
I agree with most of what the above posters raised, but I would like to mention one additional aspect: Because Optimus is a fictional character, loving him is very safe. Laura’s Prime, I’m not entirely sure how old you are but as someone who is nearing their mid-twenties I can tell you based on personal experience that love is very scary. Love means opening yourself up to someone and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, which makes it possible for you to be hurt by someone. But Optimus can never hurt you, can he? You may love him so much that it pains you at times, however he can never cause you any actual emotional pain. He can never make you feel rejected, inadequate, or unimportant because you can never actually interact with him. Loving him is safe because it is a constant. Nothing can happen to change your experience of him short of another movie, but that doesn’t actually have any person to person relation with him.
I understand where you’re coming from; I’m terrified of love myself. But if you limit yourself by never allowing yourself to be open to the possibility of being able to have something special with another person, you will never be able to grow from the experiences you have with someone else. I have just come out of a two year relationship that ended mutually and calmly. I am completely miserable right now. But I don’t regret anything. Being with that person helped me to become a better person myself. Even the hurt that I’m feeling from losing that person is something that I can learn from and grow with. I am not any less afraid to love someone new than I was before I fell in love with my ex. I am still just as afraid of being hurt again as I was before. But if I spent my entire life being afraid of experiencing it, then I would never accomplish anything. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid. Like the others have said, there is nothing wrong with finding qualities you would want in a partner in a fictional character and using them to help you find someone you are compatible with. But I believe that there is something wrong with limiting your potential experiences by fixating on something that can never be. Try to find your real-life Optimus Prime. He’s out there somewhere, you just have to allow yourself to find him.
whats not to love about OP :)
tbh i was really attached to dumbledore :(
because he was with ut for 6 whole books and then he was gone!!!
Does Laura have a strong father figure in her life? If she doesn’t, that may be part of why she is in love with this character.
He is the big strong type of character that scoops you up in his arms and makes a girl feel safe and protected. Something every girl longs for, especially if her father was lackluster or absent in any way.
I’m always surprised at how little our culture takes the father figure into consideration when it comes to female relationships and individual proclivities.
When I was a little girl I was madly in love with Ash from Pokemon.
All I can do know is look back and giggle awkwardly
Oh my yes!! I fall in love with a character everytime I read a new book (or re-read an old one) and watch a movie anything really. I have this button that says “Reading gives me unrealistic expectations on men” I’m so fickle though, I have alot of character loves, and a new little story intergrating myself into their lives for each one of them.
I don’t mean to judge. I completely understand falling in love with a character. I know I had it bad for Fred Weasley for a time. I was uninterested in real people because I just was so enamoured with him. I’m not sure why now that I think back, but moving on…
The thing is, I always knew Fred Weasley wasn’t real, and that he wouldn’t show up one day and love me. I knew that sooner or later, I’d have to get over it and form a healthy relationship with a real person. I think that’s where this does become a problem. I don’t think it’s unhealthy to fall in love with fictional characters; they are often more ideal than real people. However, I think it is unhealthy to believe that they are real and spend your whole life waiting for them.
I’m not sure what to do about it; I suppose any other way you get over a hopeless romantic pursuit?
Mostly, I think the idea is harmless, but it is somewhat detached from reality. As humans, our imaginations are beautiful things, but they can also confuse us and deceive us. A giant truck robot from outer space, however noble and good, does not exist in real life. I think what Laura’s Prime is drawn to is the opportunity to love and teach someone about love, probably in the same way that she would like to love and learn about love.
It’s totally ok to love and admire a character, but at the end of the day, don’t waste the goodness of your love on something that will never love you back. You deserve–and should demand!–better.
In fantasyland, you can do whatever you want and have no apologies for it. I have fantasies about Edward Cullen, Jack and Sawyer (Lost) and The Spectacular Spider-Man (cartoon). I think it’s fine as long as you keep it to yourself and/or don’t get too obsessed about it.
I think there is nothing wrong with having an emotional attachment to any sort of character. I have a lot of characters that I identify strongly with, and having a character out there that I know I can turn to and think What Would This Person Do? is a great way to cope with things. I really got into the show X-Men Evolution in 8th grade, and the show is set in high school, which made it a lot easier for me to make the transition because I was thinking, ‘Well, if the X-Men can do high school, so can I!’
On the subject of falling in love with a fictional character, I think it’s possible. I’ve done it myself (do not get me started on the list of characters I have a crush on!) and while a lot of people may not understand, there are those who do. Besides, it’s not like your fictional love is going to run off and break your heart. They may, but it will hurt less in the long run.
And seriously, look at all the girls in love with Edward Cullen. Oiiii.
Laura’s Prime, there is nothing wrong with being in love with a fictional character. Love happens and you cannot control it. It comes at the worst of times and best of times in the strangest forms. “Love looks not with the eye but with the mind/and therefore is winged cupid painted blind” (Shakespeare, Act 1.1, A Midsummer Nights Dream)
I’m totally here for you, sugar, and I understand. And just wait, one day, your perfect guy or girl is gonna come along and sweep you off your feet and be everything that Optimus is, and more.
i am glad to see i’m not the only one who has an emotional attachment to a fictional character. after i saw edward scissorhands i have such great emotion towards him. just like what laura said in her entry about teaching him emotion that’s how i feel. i think all of this is pretty cool just as long as it doesn’t take over our lives. keep the fictional stuff separate from reality. it’s always fun to day dream that’s why movies and books are a great way to make that become a bit more closer to us =)
I have the same problem. I’ve been infatuated with characters because they just seem better than the guys in real life, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with one. She should try to find someone who reminds her of Optimus Prime. Or write a fanfiction with her as the main character fulfulling her fantasies of Optimus Prime. Maybe that would get it out of her system.
Laura,
I was once in love (or so I thought) with not a fictional character but a sort of semi-celebrity. I know this is a bit different, but in both cases, the person we want is unattainable. I ‘loved’ this person for a long time, but gradually, the feeling faded on its own. I didn’t do anything to cause it, it just happened.
Then, I found myself meeting someone who reminded me so much of this person, and I didn’t even realise it until someone else pointed it out. Really, he was alarmingly similar in his personality, looks, outlook on life, even his hobbies…and we got on so well that we actually got together.
However, when we were together, I realised that there were some aspects of his personality that I didn’t like, which I had romantically idealised when thinking about these characteristics in the other person, if that makes sense. In other words, you might think that you want someone like Optimus, but if/when you actually meet someone like that and get to know them, you may find that it’s not all that great after all.
Someone else pointed out that desiring a relationship with someone who’s emotionally detached and unavailable isn’t a good idea. I support this idea from the perspective of someone who, on the whole, is emotionally unavailable and detached. People have tried to change me and ‘melt my heart’ and all they got was pain and disappointment. Trying to change people is rarely a good idea at all.
But, I realise that sometimes you have to experience things to learn them. For me, I wanted a ‘tortured artist’ type of person (to remind me of this semi-celebrity who I was infatuated with) whom I could bring ‘into the light’, an insecure person to whom I could give confidence. When I actually found myself with a reclusive, insecure person, I found that I didn’t always have the energy to keep trying to make things better for them, and this was one of many things that caused me to end the relationship.
So, characters and characteristics which look good on paper (or in books, stories, cartoons, etc.) aren’t necessarily characteristics that you’d want to live with. That’s why fictional characters are great to love, because you don’t have to directly deal with their less desirable traits…just as long as you can come to terms with the fact that they are just a character.
I hope this helps, and feel free to get in touch with me if you want to chat (if you click on my name in this comment it takes you to my website and there are lots of contact details on there). I’m very direct and honest, but I think I know where you’re coming from on this :)
Good luck for the future and remember you have your whole life to fall in love with someone.
xx
Well, in my opinion there’s nothing bad about it.
As long as you still know that he is fictional it’s a really… uncomplicated love. No cheating, no lying, no compromises – except for one: it’s not real, unfortunately. And it never will be real, unless you find a parallel universe, where all the fictional characters are real. But let’s be realistic – that’s impossible (sigh!).
I had (and have!) a crush on several fictional characters, of course that changed over the years. One of the many reasons why I crush on those characters is because it’s ridiculously easy to get rid of them ;) Ever had an clingy man? Then you know what I mean.
Fictional characters can’t harm me, so it’s a really save kind of love.
Sometimes I get really obsessed (when I discover a new to-die-for character) but I never forget that these people are definitely not real.
I think everything’s alright with you, Laura’s Prime. Just cool down. You don’t have to give up your Optimus Prime – just don’t let this love take over you. Give him a little place in your heart but don’t forget your real life friends and pleasures!
Finally: A rich fantasy is one of the best things on earth! Maybe you could start writing and create your own characters/stories :)
This has happened to me numerous times, don’t worry Laura; *you’re not alone*.
Anyway, for most people, Edward Cullen is by far the best example. I’ve never been much the twilight fan.
In my experience I always get over my lovesickness. XD Even if it takes months. At the time it may seem like Optimus is perfectperfectness, but ‘sokay, you’ll move on. Enjoy the fantasy while you have it!
Th-thankyou everyone i’m 15 bby the way :) gosh i feel all shaky and scared as i’m writing this… it’s a weird question I’m sorry :(
MaryAnne’s comment (#6) made me laugh!
Anyway, I’m of the opinion that, while there are tons of different kinds of love, “real love,” in this context, is reciprocated. There’s such a big difference in how it feels when you are in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same, and when you love someone who loves you back. (also it’s so much better. haha just saying!) And yes, like many others have said, emotional detachment is a romantic concept, but doesn’t really play out so well in real life. ):
When I was in high school, I was hopelessly infatuated with Dream from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series (hi I like my romantic prospects ridiculously flawed and angsty). There’s nothing wrong with it, in my opinion. No matter how well and complex a character is written/designed to be, they’re never really “whole,” and so we project our own desires and wishful qualities onto them and they end up being exactly what we need them to be. And they’ll never say we’re wrong for thinking they’d be this way, or act in that way. But if you choose this over reality, you won’t gain any life experience and thus won’t be able to grow as a person. I got over Dream after realising that all this projection meant I was basically pining for a version of myself, or at least a me where I was way more interesting and attractive and cool. hah. That’s not to say fictional characters don’t make my heart skip a beat anymore, because they totally do :P
This reminds me a bit of that Dresden Dolls song, “Coin-Operated Boy.”
Wow. Just, wow. I can’t say much because I had a crush on Trent from Daria (but, really, i think most girls did), and like so many others, I’m absolutely hopeless over Edward Cullen. However, as far as Edward goes….well, I met my fiance first, and then when I read Twilight I got all “Uhm…Chris is Edward, wtf?” lol I mentioned it to him and then when he read it he started looking at me funny saying I was just like Bella. Then a couple of our close friends read it, and without us saying anything they made a crack that we were Edward and Bella. It’s nothing to be taken too seriously, but we sure as hell get a kick out of it.
I think it’s all harmless. I’d only be worried if this person was in love with a celebrity or schoolmate or anything similar to that, and was starting to stalk them. That’s not cool. But otherwise, crushes happen because in those people you see qualities that you want in a mate. Just don’t close yourself off from something real. Don’t close yourself off from reality in hopes that just one day… Keep the fantasy, but don’t ignore reality for it. You might miss out on something amazing.
I think the feelings this girl has for Optimus show what traits she is looking for in a lover. Like how you can fall for someone that forever changes what kind of person you look for in the future! Rather than waiting for Optimus to pop up, I think he can be the guideline for the general search for love.
There’s nothing wrong with crushing on a fictional character. They give us an idea of what we might want to look for in our partners in real life.
The trouble comes when instead of putting yourself out there, your stay at home with your fictional partner.
This type of detachment from society is an indicator of serious emotional issues. Most likely this girl has been burned by someone she really liked before.
She obviously thinks there’s someone weird about it, otherwise she wouldn’t have messaged you. It would not be wrong at all to suggest she see a therapist about it.
I just can’t tell you how relieved I was that she wasn’t going to ask about a Cullen.
I do fall in love with fictional characters but not in a romantic sense. I’ve fallen in love with Jack Sparrow, Chuck Bass(Gossip Girl) and the Joker. They become my muses and inspiration in everything. I don’t imagine myself marrying them and having their babies.
#33 Oh, goodness yes me as well!
Plently of times! Not cartoon characters though usually characters or villans in movies. You somehow relate to this character and have a bond. Something that draws you to it/them.
Some people might think I’m crazy, when I tell them who I realte to or love in a movie or book, but deep down its much more than that. It’s sharing thier feelings and hopes and dreams. Even if thier on the dark side.
I think it is completely possible. I feel in love with a character from the book series sweep by Cate Tiernan when I was in high school. When they ended the series and I finished the last book I was sooo sad, i felt like I lost my best friend.
I used to have a bad crush on Spike the vampire (back in times when vampires weren’t all glittery and didn’t have tons of money ^_^), Severus Snape and Erik, the Phantom of the Opera – but in a fictional way, I just have a weakness for doomed but ultimately redeeming love stories… Not that I want this for my real life though, my husband isn’t anything like them (except for the occasional singing and potion-making maybe :)
My list of fictional character crushes:
-Knuckles (Sonic’s red friend)
-Freakazoid (90′s WB character. Speedster. Blue skin.)
-Hwoarang (redheaded Korean in Tekken 3)
-The Flash (fastest man alive…)
-Reno (redheaded Turk in Final Fantasy VII)
-Eduardo (hispanic smartass in Extreme Ghostbusters)
-Gambit AND Nightcrawler (X-Men)
-Disney’s Tarzan
-The 30-year old version of Ben 10.
My Father drives motorbikes. I love people with strangely beautiful colouring. And I’ve a Beauty and the Beast complex, where I need someone both wild AND civilised like me,and everybody loves a rebel, right?
Optimus is wonderful, with a fabulous speaking voice and SUPER paint-job, but one MUST identify what attracts us, and seek it in the real world. Your Autobot is out there somewhere, just search for a guy who has more than meets the eye, sweetie. Good luck!
Ahah!
For a while I was in love with an Anime character. D:
Then I fell in love with Laurie from Little Women. If I were Joe I would’ve said yes! D:
Laura, date a human being and get laid.
I totally agree with Eva Internazionale (comment 11) about falling for illusions. I couldn’t have said it better.
And hey, Laura, it could be worse. There was an article about fictional love in the NY Times about two weeks ago (here) showcasing a guy who was in love with his anime body pillow – he took it everywhere with him!
I agree with the general consensus that fictional love is a-okay as long as it doesn’t interrupt IRL relationships.
^ whoa sorry ladies and gents, for messing up my XHTML tags. (#48) I swear I’m Internet literate.