I’ve seen all kinds of off-the-hook questions in my Gmail but this is the strangest one yet. So bizarre it is, in fact, that I don’t know how to answer it! I’ve been accused of making up Deer Doe stuff before and after this one, I couldn’t really blame them! I let it incubate in my box for a while until the sender re-submitted it again recently. It’s like it was destined to be published.
But, enough words! See for yourself.
I have something of great importance to ask you. Is it possible to fall in love with a character, real or not? And if so, is the love real?
I have always been a huge fan of Optimus Prime. When I was little, I watched all the transformers generation 2 shows and have realised in recent years that I have grown inordinately attached to the character. I believe he is real somewhere. His voice at the prologue of the 2007 Michael Bay film makes my heart flutter. And I have cried heavily every time I have watched transformers 2 because of his *death*.
I don’t really know what to do as I’m willing to wait for him forever but what if he never comes? I was instantly drawn to his personality as he is brave and strong with good leadership skills but is slightly emotionally detached which makes me want to teach him emotion – especially how to fall in love. I am unsure of what to do and feel I love him too deeply to give him up…
-Laura’s Prime
Deerlings: what do we think? Have you ever found yourself in love with a fictional character – from a movie, book, anime? Is this kind of love real? I know Laura’s is an unusual situation but let’s share our thoughts without judging. Should she wait for her Optimus forever or give him up in favor of a, um, more real fella?
this has the potential to get nasty, and i can’t say that i blame you for avoiding the email. feeling crushes, even strong ones, on imaginary characters is not uncommon, and i’ll freely admit that i also love optimus prime. i also wept when he was killed. i can understand the connection that fictional characters can garner us in our lives.
however, there is a limit. the amount of fantasy (loving him, teaching him emotion, how to love, etc) is unsettling. the level of fantasy is too rich.
laura, no. it is not real love. i mean you no disrespect, and hope you will heed my words here- i highly recommend that if this level of feeling for a fictional character continues, you seek psychiatric attention. this advice comes from someone who is now stablized, but did (and does) suffer from “bpd”, (borderline personality disorder) a mental condition that blurrs the lines between reality and fiction.
please let me stress again that there is no shame in what is happening. nobody can, or should, ever tell you that what you feel is not real, or that it’s wrong to have those feelings. they are yours to have, and you should NEVER be made to feel badly for the feelings you have. this, however, does not mean that the feelings you have are pure. please do, if these urges continue, or you find similar themes in your everyday life, seek medical attention. there’s no shame in it.
~tonks
i don’t know if it can be consider real love as oppose to just plain obsession but i mean there are many people in this world who suffer from Objectum Sexuality (OS) so who am i to judge. although optimus prime is a character and not an inanimate object which does complicate things a little more.
because he is a fictional character i would suggest keeping your feelings on the down low and instead try and find a human being that has similar character and personality traits as the Transformer character in question.
I hope this is not a troll.
I think it’s fairly common. Just keep in mind, however, that it, sadly, will never happen as the character is fictional. There will be someone in the world with similar traits who you will love and adore just as much as the character, who you can reach but, currently, there are just too many obstacles for you to overcome at this point. At least you can feel comfort in the fact that you didn’t crush on a character who was gay like I did, as if I didn’t have enough obstacles with him being fictional…
I can completely relate! While it’s… unusual… that Laura’s Prime is in love with a fictional robot, I have been hopelessly obsessed with fictional characters, too. When I was a little girl I was in love with Robin Hood from the Disney movie — yes, the orange fox! To this day, hearing his voice and seeing his mannerisms makes me melt. Any fictional character, even an animal or machine, can have humanlike characteristics that charm us into loving them. And since the term “love” is such a vague, strange concept in itself, it really *can* be applied.
Oh god, come to think of it I’ve had so many other obsessions as well… probably the one that lasted the longest was Remus Lupin from the Harry Potter series. There’s also Jack Sparrow (and Johnny Depp in general, but he’s not fictional!). I stopped obsessing over fictional characters when I found my first boyfriend, a real person I’d been dreaming of in real life. Non-fictional relationships turned out to be much more rewarding. Still, like Chriss said, those fictional characters have become like muses to me. They’re personalities that I love and adore. I wish I could live in their company but I’ll settle for being inspired by them.
A major crush on a fictional character? Definitely. Full on love? No. I think you should just try and find someone similar.
i totally understand, i thought i was in love with D as in Vampire Hunter D, now i understand it was an infatuation with the character
My best friend and I growing up had used to have crushes on cartoon characters all the time. Granted, we’ve both grown out of it. It was still very real and emotional at the time. What we were feeling was real love, the person (or…’thing’) we had them for wasn’t.
I’ve always been a big fan of Optimus Prime myself- he was one of my many heroes growing up and still is. But I realized that I really liked what he was about more than the actual robot.
I think it’s perfectly fine to have crushes on “make-believe” characters! But it’s also good to realize that they aren’t ‘real’ people- but real people can have the same characteristics. :)
(On a side note, there was a guy who legally changed his name to “Optimus Prime”. But he’s probably an example of an extreme case!)
Best wishes!
I love Optimus Prime! I’m not in love with him to the point of waiting for him to come to me, but I have been watching Transformers since I was little and I can understand where they are coming from. Sometimes people are attracted to certain qualities and unforunately they can be found anywhere, haha.
It’s certainly nothing like the way you love a boyfriend, friend or family member. It’s just excessive fangirling.
Now, I believe you can lust after a fictional character, but love?
You can’t *love* fictional characters, be it Optimus Prime, Solid Snake or Jesus and if you do, it’s time to go out and make some real life friends.
I mean, it’s easy, specially when you’re young, to get things confused in your head if the character is human. Everyone has their version of Prince Charming, and everyone grows out if at some point. But a robot that turns into a car? What?
No. Just no. The poor girl. And poor you, having to deal with such mail!
Well I Love Transformers! Though Im Much More Intrested In The Actors In It Than The Robots When It Comes To Crushes!
But Hey You Cant Choose Who Or In This Case WHAT You Fall In Love With.
Its Perfectly Normal To Fall For A Fictional Character! I’ve Spent Most Of My Childhood Lusting After Made Up Characters!
You’ll Grow Out Of It! Well, Once All The Real Guys Grow Up! :)
xoxo
WOW…i think it’s fine to like what you want, but i don’t think it’s LOVE. I mean how people out there want to marry Edward.He Hot and kinda what most girls want, but i’ll take Jacob.
Either way, don’t know what to say. I guess we all have our own secrets and i think it’s very brave of her to come out and share it with you and now us all! oxoxo Hugs.
And love ur lipstick, if u ever want to make another poly contest to let others know about ur line , let me know and yes i would be careful with the winging sets…make sure YOU PICK and i see the emails first :(
HUGS..lol
I sadly have a thing for Link from The Legend of Zelda. T’was a childhood crush I never really got over lolol.
Oh my oh my…. you know what? I’ve been there too!
My first love EVER, in my life, was a fictional character from an anime. Who? well, Yue from Sakura Card Captor,of course!
even though i learned to “get over him”(come on, it’s been almost 10 years), when ever see a picture/video/something of him, i get all fliushed, and my eyes get all teary and starry *_* i can’t help it.
My advice? well, since you like optimus so much, but hey, let’s face it, finding an alien robot might be kind of a though task… you know what you like about him, so try to look for those same things in a pontential couple.
It’s a though task, but i think is a tad easier than finding the original and real optimus prime, huh?
When I was young it was a Biker Mice from Mars character, and my friend was in love with a ninga turtle so it’s all good.
Ps. i did not see T2 yet and know he dies, why give it away???
I just have to ask, are you referring to “The girl and the robot” by Röyksopp in the title? :)
That’s an interesting question…
I would just say that, to me, physical attraction is part of love so I don’t really see how you could fall in love with a robot, or a cartoon or anything like that. But it’s not because I don’t unterstand that it can’t be possible…
On the other hand, I think that you can fall in love with a fictionnal character, like all women are in love with Mr. Darcy.
I don’t think I’m giving a real answer there, but that’s what I had to say ! =)
I can’t help but think of objectum-sexuality, where people fall in love with inanimate objects… sorry, I’m a psych major.
Basically, to echo what everyone else is saying: you’re young so you’ve got growing up to do. But if this persists and becomes problematic, it could be indicative of some sort of psychological problem, i.e. requiring therapy.
Mmmm… idk. Some books/video games/anime/etc. have that character that makes go, “Oh man, if you were real I would totally be all over that, hurr hurr.” But I think… this is a bit more extreme?
I wish there was a way to spare the girl’s feelings, but I don’t think all the sugar-coated words in the world could spare her. She loves a fictional character, and despite her feelings that he is in someway real, the truth is that he isn’t. She doesn’t want to give up, but the healthy thing for her to do is, well, give up. It’s love that will never be returned, so she’s only hurting herself by clinging to it.
Instead, perhaps she should cultivate relationships with, well, real people. Surely there’s some brave, strong fellas out there who wouldn’t mind some lessons in love from an eccentric young lady. …Maybe in the form of an Optimus Prime cosplayer?
I think crushing on a fictional character is completely normal. I’ve got a bit of a crush on Optimus Prime myself. My husband thinks it’s funny, lol
Yeah I agree, having a crush on a fictional character is normal…but thinking they are real and falling in love with them is a different story lol but falling in love with inanimaten objects I believe is a type of sexual fetish, I remember reading about someone marrying a part of the berlin wall.
I also have to admit I’m one of those people who sometimes prefers dealing with imagination and fictional characters than real people. Throughout my childhood I’ve always had those little crushes, changing as I moved from series to series to one-shots and so forth; some took a special place in my heart, some didn’t.
That has translated into an obsession for storytelling; if a character can’t make you care about them or what they do, then they aren’t very well established or written. I write and draw, depicting stories of my own, and I always try to come up with plots and dialogue that are not only intriguing, but easy to relate with and understand.
So what I’m saying is that I completely get falling in love with fictional characters. I still do it, and I’m not ashamed of that, not really. Sometimes you might be able to find the qualities of those characters you love so much in someone real–then, at least, you have someone to cuddle and talk to who will respond back to you.
I wouldn’t be waiting for Optimus Prime, maybe just looking for a guy who’s kind of like him: strong, independent, a leader who’s willing to sacrifice his personal desires to keep his friends and loved ones safe. Though I’d be a little worried about the emotional detachment thing.
*pretty much just summarizes what’s already been said?*
I think what you’re falling in love with there is more a fantasy, the ideals you admire in a person, and not Sir Optimus Prime himself.
It’s not a problem, because I have several girl crushes on different characters in movies/books/video games/etc. and plenty more who I would love to be friends with. XD
When it becomes a problem is when you are convinced that you can actually be in love with the real optimus prime and refuse normal relationships.
Besides that, welcome to the ranks of the fangirl. We have awesome t-shirts!
I used to feel this way about Kurt Cobain and this was AFTER his death. I was around 13 and dealing with severe depression/bipolar type II (doctors are still trying to decide which) and so I felt a connection to him, as did a lot of teens and early adults around that time. When I read 2 biographies on him, I realized that he had a lot traits that I look for in a man, asides for the depression and drug abuse. He was very creative, genius, caring, emphatic, had a sarcastic humor and highly imaginative. These are traits that I wanted in a man. It wasn’t ‘in love’ though, but I do believe it was love, just not IN love.
I do not think that you’re in love, Laura, but I do think you are exhibiting love and the fact that he’s fictional really doesn’t matter because you’re expressing what you desire in a person. You want a guy who is just like him. Emotionally detached, however, really isn’t the best quality. I’m in my mid to late 20′s and I still haven’t learned to love myself. Nobody can make someone else feel love or be traits that they don’t exhibit unless they are willing to want to change. This they must do on their own, especially when it comes to being emotionally detached. That is a trait that must be learned on their own. You can’t try train a person to feel love. This is why he is a robot. My ex-husband was close to being a robot too, so don’t feel too bad! :)
What you need to find is someone that has his positive traits and is already capable of loving. I think why you like that trait so much is because a lot of people want that feeling of “rescuing” someone. When the person they should be rescuing is themselves and taking care of themselves. A person can’t be rescued in that way; they have to learn on their own. You can try to inspire the person and give advice to them, but really a relationship with them isn’t a good relationship to have. Believe me, sweetie, I found out the hard way. I tried to change people and they grow to resent you for it. My therapist even said so! ;) So if that is you who commented up there, and you are really 15, start dating slowly a variety of different guys and you will find more likes and dislikes. Unfortunately, Optimus isn’t real and you can’t wait for someone who doesn’t exist because that is unhealthy (and delusional), BUT it’s not unhealthy to love and admire him. You never have to give him up and you’ll never be cheating on him or the guy you are dating by loving him. Just don’t let it get in the way in loving real people.
My best of luck to you, sweetie.
Crushes I have on fictional characters and celebrities:
- Brian Kinney on Queer as Folk (US version and yes he’s gay, but I some aspects of his personality a lot.)
- Dr. Gregory House on House
- Sawyer on Lost (are you sensing a pattern yet?)
- Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel
- Ewan McGregor (physical resemblance to Kurt huh?)
- Lily Allen (hee)
- the model Mosh >.> what? She’s sexy! ;p
Plus numerous role models which aren’t crushes, but help define what we like in people.
Its normal.. i hope.
I always fall in love with these perfect fictional characters like Tuxedo Mask, Eric Northman, Mr Darcy and the list can go on forever. Each having characterstics I seek in a man.
So Laura stop waiting for the Optimus Prime from Transformers. Look for a man with the loving characteristics of Optimus Prime.
Hope that helps!
Heh.
Yeah. . . . I was actually looking forward to watching the second Transformer’s movie on BluRay even though everyone I know who saw it in theaters said it sucked. And now I know the ending, THANKS!!!
Falling in love with fictional characters is just a way to avoid getting into real relationships with guys, which at 15 you probably aren’t emotionally ready for yet. So I vote that it’s healthy in your youth. No worries, girl!
Laura,
I used to have fictional crushes myself, and it was hard to fall in love with people when fantasizing about these characters. There was actually one time when I used to pray to have a character appear to me in real life (silly, but hey, I was only fourteen at the time!)!
But yes, I agree with a lot of people here: they are simply figments of the imagination and they are seen as perfect because they are fictional. Real people are harder to understand and are 100 times more unpredicatable. Even with romantic comedies, romance novels, and others, the creators do their best to make them realistic and relatable, but there are no such things as happy endings; life continues on with no end.
Over time, I think that things will change. You will slowly let go of your feelings for Optimus Prime and start searching for a realistic relationship. I think that it’s normal to fantasize about these characters and imagine what it’s like to meet them in real life. They’re perfect and made to be that way. After all, that’s what the imagination is for, and most girls pretend to be princesses when they’re young. Of course, they learn to grow out of it over time (unless they’re real princesses in real life of course) and realize that there isn’t really a prince charming on a white horse.
It sort of reminds me of a trailer of “The Ugly Truth” when Katherine Heigl describes her image of the perfect man and Gerard Butler replies by saying: “You just described the perfect woman.” We are all a little disillusioned about real relationships because of what fiction tells us.
As for the fact that you are in love with a robot, I don’t think that’s strange at all. Optimus Prime is just as fictional as Harry Potter. Plus, people are infatuated with elves and fairies, so I don’t see much of a difference. I mean, Optimus Prime was given a human characteristic after all.
For the records, Id stil do Harry Potter while the Weasly twins watched. Major lust. hehe xxx
Falling in love with fantasy and cartoon characters are completely natural and tend to be more of a childhood fantasy. This is because we dream of finding the right man (or woman!) and we tend to fall towards certain personalities because most often the personalities in cartoons, for example, as fictionalized, stereotyped and all around not of the norm. Making them seem irresistible and desirable.
I have an everlasting crush on Trent from Daria!! It was love at first sight!
Hewwo I am also in love w/ a transformer named Jetfire a.k.a Skyfire *sighs* I dont know why but in every Transformers series i fall for him and i do believe that he exsist. In transformers 2 i was a little disapointed how Bay saw Jetfire as an old BlackBird jet but i stilled love him cuz he was funny XD. But when he sacrificed him self i cried so much i had to leave the movie T.T
Laura, what you’re going through is completely normal — I went through the exact same thing myself for several years … I was in love with Ash Ketchum! To this day, whenever I see an episode of Pokémon on TV, I realise still have a wee crush on him … And I’m 22 now! XD There’s no shame in loving Optimus Prime! I think he’s pretty goddamn awesome, too. ^^
And now I feel the need to address a few comments posted above …
@ #47: She’s 15. She most certainly should NOT be ‘getting laid’ at such an age. Have some tact.
@ #50: For Christ’s sake. What Laura’s feeling is completely normal. Don’t go telling her she needs immediate ‘psychiatric help’. Just because you have serious mental problems, doesn’t mean everyone else does, too.
@ #68: Did she say she doesn’t interact with ‘real people’? Did she say she was a recluse or a hermit because of her love for Optimus Prime? No. She did not. Give the young lady some credit.
Wow, this is by far the most interesting question I’ve ever come across. But, I (sort of) understand where the girl is coming from. While I’ve never completely fallen in love with a fictitious character, I have had my share of fantasies that involved a few.
Nobody should be judged or ridiculed for something like this. It’s a unique situation, but just because most of us have never found ourselves in this young girl’s situation, doesn’t mean we should immediately label her psychotic or put her down.
But returning to the initally asked question(s), I’d have to agree with the people who suggested searching for a man who possesses the same type of character as Optimus Prime: bravery, leadership skills, etc.
omg @ 64# anon: I had major crush on biker mice from mars! yum.
I just read through all 80 comments…I think we should rename this post to “I Love a Fictional Character Anonymous.” We’ve all, at one point in our lives, have had a crush on a fictional character, and shouldn’t be ashamed. To start, I’ll name off some of my Fictional Crushes:
1. Darth Vader: I used to route and cheer for him to win in all the Star Wars movies and cry when he died. The interest was lost after Chapters 1, 2 and 3 when Hayden Christenson (spelling?) just made me go eww!
2. Trent (from Daria): I loved his nonchalant, screw with society attitude that I am currently dating a metal head who is a rhythm guitarist in a band, with long hair. Surprisingly, he has no tattoos or piercings. What lost it for me with this one was that episode where Daria imagined Trent on the couch fat, while she worked in a research facility. Yeah, at least my guy has his own business!
3. The Scorpion King: …Don’t ask, its too embarrassing to even mention, but I just remember watching the movie drooling and bought ten posters. Any one want any?
4. Johnathan Taylor Thomas: Now yes, he’s a real person, but I was so madly in love with him that I couldn’t see straight. I was absolutely certain that he was going to come to my house, date me and make me his costar like Fred Astaire and Grace Kelly. What stopped this one? Age, I grew out of it.
5. Currently Amanda Palmer: I’m more in love with her songs than anything else. The tortured soul that’s been hurt by so many people she loved. Her music has helped me through so many of my problems, its like having a best friend who only sings with drums and a piano, but you secretly have a crush on.
If you’re comfortable with this post on after! ^_^ Give the reasons why you love/loved them, and why you grew out of it! :)
I was once totally in love with the character Charlie, from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I understand what it’s like to love a fictional character…sometimes they’re purposefully written in such a way that you can’t help it (Edward Cullen is a prime example of this) but, while she may choose to wait for Optimus, the fact is I think it’s inevitable that she will find a man to love who isn’t Optimus; it’s only a matter of meeting him. And who knows, maybe he’ll also be a fan of Optimus, and that will be something they’ll have in common.
@80 Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear. Perhaps she should look into a relationship with a real guy as opposed to a fictional one (yes, I am aware she believes he is somehow real, but the truth is that he’s not). You know, a guy who could actually return her feelings.
Looks like a stud to me ::shrug:: ;)
OH, haha, actually my very first crush was on the red guy from Voltron. True story
Well, girl, it doesn’t matter what you do, because you will never get to take a long walk on the beach with OP. However, you can write terrible, Mary-Sue fanfiction. Call yourself, oh, “Bella” or something, and turn Big Mr Robot into some smooth dude in school.
And voila, you have a best seller on your hands ~_^
tinyurl.com/omptimusprime
Doe, everybody wants Optimus Prime.
I have had too many fictional crushes to mention… oh ok, i’ll mention some :P
1. Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon
2. Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid
3. 2D from Gorillaz :P
4. Lestat from the Anne Rice books
I have to disagree on the ‘love’ part though – I believe it’s more of a desperate yearning for something you know you cannot possibly have.
Best of luck :)
Well dear, I believe you are in a wee bit of a predicament! Not to worry though. I remember when I found myself in a similar situation. I had fallen in love with a character on TV. I believed I would never find someone who was enough like him. I soon realized though that it was not the character that I was in love with, but his admirable traits. He was chivalrous, caring and brave, so I set out to find a man with similar traits. Luckily I did, and it was a perfect match! We have been together for a year and a half now!
Good luck with your troubles darling! I hope it all works out for you in the end!
I generally always ‘fall in love’ with fictional characters; be it from a book, to an anime! :) Of course, I’m not head over heels in love with these characters ..so I can’t totally understand. But the only advice I can give really is to try and release that addiction on OP so that you’ll be able to see human guys too. Who knows? Maybe you’ll see a real life OP somewhere around – meaning as a real man who has a similar personality :) AND hopefully whoever this guy is, he’ll understand your infatuation/love for OP :)
this is soo my kind of love-trouble :P
i tend to fall in love with fictional characters and…the only thing i can say as an advice is find what attracts you to this fictional super boy and look for it in…real guys!
As long as your fictional romance doesnt stop you from living real ones you can always keep them in your heart…
besides…every girl needs a nerdy Clark Kent,a dangerously attractive Edward Cullen or a noble Legolas Greenleaf from time to time…who can blame us??? :P
I can’t believe that of 90 comments so far, only one person mentionned the possibility of troll.
I read this and could only think “TROLL’D”.
But for argument’s sake, let’s say this is a for real person with a for real love dilema:
Sure. I think it’s possible that she’s fallen in love with Optimus. Chances are she has fallen in love with the idea of him and finds his character traits attractive. That’s usually what happens when people “love” a fictional character.
HOWEVER the person who sent the e-mail to you is delusional because she refuses to recognize the fact that Optimus Prime isn’t real and that things will never happen between them. Usually children do this. My cousin thought that Darkwing Duck was going to come to her house and ask her to marry him. She was 7. She knows better now, and OP should, as well. Since she doesn’t…it’s not healthy. I wonder if she’s let her love of Optimus get in the way of forming a real relationship. I’m willing to bet she has.
–But seriously. How is this not a troll?
Oh memories.
I dreamed of a guy once and drew him so I’d have some type of physical depiction of him and I have done this quite a few times over the years since I appear to be (ALWAYS apparently) emotionally detached in my real relationships.
In characters you can find something and imagine something so strongly that you feel love and parting with that feels like tearing something from yourself. You just need to find someone out there who is ideal or close to what is your ideal.
Someone, in your case, who is strong and brave and needs the help to discover through emotions and your love his true potential as a man.
I understand though, that’s why these characters are created. For us to love them and cherish them and immoratalize them in ourselves. Just remember that all these things are based off of real people. All the strong traits and the flaws. That’s why the stories and the characters reach us.
Because they are all undeniably real and human.
Wow. 96 comments?!?! I had NO IDEA how many people would relate to this ‘feelings for a transformer’ issue. Only proves that weirdness rules on my blog! :D
I think this is one of the most interesting Dear Does ever. Everyone has a closet-fictional-character crush!!! Fanfiction.net keeps coming to mind as I’m reading the comments. XD
@48: That article is kind of creepy… but you know, different cultures have different ways to value human relationships.
I’ve had crushes on:
*Subaku no Gaara (of Naruto Shippuden)
*Legolas (Who hasn’t?)
*Both Draco Malfoy and (older) Tom Riddle from the most recent harry potter movie. Eeeeee! So kawaii~! I want to hug themmmm!
And when I was really little I vaguely remember being in love with Brock from Pokémon, hahah.
I totally understand where she is coming from with this one but shes not in love with optimus prime, and shes not weird.
I found myself very attracted to the character of optimus prime even though he is just a large machine and when he died I cried WAY to much…
Hes just a really powerful character wtih a lot of charisma and the girl who wrote that email is obviously looking for a powerful mate, you can get strong feeling of desire towards characters who emote the traits you desire…and until you find somone that has these traits for real you’ll continue to desire the character.
its no big deal
anna xox