If you or your parents were born in a foreign country, chances are you have to deal with ethnic stereotyping on a daily basis just like me. And just like me, you probably have the why-I-came-to-this-country-story on the ready – both the long and the short version – in case someone decides to ask.
I have an accent, so avoiding invasive questions about my Russian past is nearly impossible. To make things easier, I introduce myself as Xena or Xenia (not Ksenia, which is what I used to be called 11 years ago). I anticipate the “which part?” question and am almost not annoyed by it. How are they supposed to know that there is only one part in Russia – Russia, and someone from Ukraine or Belarus would never say they are from Russia? I am quick to explain that I’m from neither Moscow nor St. Petersburg (the only Russian cities most seem to know) and am in fact from a a little-known city in the Ural region. I am absolutely shocked when someone says they know Izhevsk.
Russian women get stereotyped a lot – beautiful, domesticated but strong, coy but ambitious, excellent cooks and mothers. There are also not-to-flattering stereotypes – “Russian slut”, “Russian gold digger”. Sometimes, usually riding on the train, I wonder what sort of assumptions people make about me just based on the fact that I’m Russian. I’ve been approached with flyers from seedy ‘photographers’ on several occasions. I’ve been hit on by guys who for some reason think that complementing me on my eyes will immediately get them in my pants, or at the very least my cell phone number. I try not to take offense, but it does get you thinking: Do I really look that easy? Or is it just my Russian face and the fact that I’m riding the Brighton Beach-bound train?
Photo: Johansen Laurel
When I stumbled upon I Am Not A Russian Mail Order Bride, I couldn’t believe how astonishingly accurate it was. Written by a Russian immigrant and fellow New Yorker, it felt like my own life story with a few names changed. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
I Am Not A Russian Mail Order Bride
By Helena Khazanova
One would think I know all about Russian girls in New York because that is exactly what I am: a Russian girl living in this monster of a metropolis. People often ask where I am from. “Moscow,” I reply with certainty and without hesitation, despite fifteen years spent abroad. The look of surprise always registers in their face. “No accent, I know,” I feel compelled to finish the thought for them in order to avoid another obvious comment, a conversation that I can predict word for word. But it follows anyway, and the next question is why.
“Why are you here?” they ask, almost surprised, as if I am the only person not born on this island. They look on, eager to hear another heartbreaking story about bleak, cold weather, everlasting snows, and bread shortage, garnished with an intricate and hopefully slightly illegal crossing of the Atlantic. Black and white images of Ellis Island flash in their minds, and faces of harassed dirty immigrants contrasted by their own childhood that is suddenly basked in a warm glow reminiscent of a Norman Rockwell painting.
“Sorry,” I let them down. My story is not thickly wrapped in darkness and despair. Instead, it is disappointingly ordinary. “Well, my parents moved here because my father worked for an American company,” I begin my speech that I have told enough times that I no longer need to concentrate on what I am saying. “They live in the city and Southampton,” I continue. “I went to school in Rhode Island. No siblings,” I add for some reason. So far nothing too scandalous.
“So, your parents are here?” they ask, shocked at another proof that I am not, in fact, a prostitute in disguise. “Yes,” I say. Somehow they feel cheated out of their small victory.
It’s not offensive really. I guess I am just used to it. But no matter where I come from, today, in New York, I am only an observer. I watch in awe as this new breed of Russian girls dash wildly around Manhattan in four-inch stilettos as if they are still at a local collective farm, rounding up all eligible men like a herd of cattle. Yes, sometimes the ill-fated reputation is well-deserved. Permanent fixtures at every chic and expensive restaurant their faces look somewhat devoid of expression and can be compared to say, a genetically engineered peach. Good to look at, perfectly colored, firm and completely inedible. They sit on their well-chosen dates with silence hanging heavily off their forks and vacant smiles on their plump and glossed lips. But although they look blank, their minds are crunching numbers faster than any investment banker.
Unfortunately, to many in New York it seems highly unlikely and very suspicious that a girl from Russia could be just that: a person from a place with no baggage attached. Stereotypes run rampant; a model from a small town who was selling vegetables in the snow-covered market to survive; some beauty whose main goal is to marry a billionaire but who is still having trouble reading; a designer-clad girlfriend of a shady businessman with wads of cash stuffed in her purse.
Somehow lately the image of the Russian “girl” has undergone a very significant and swift transformation. First it was associated only with something Americans strangely like to refer to as babushka (which, in fact, does not mean a scarf or any other headpiece but a grandmother). This babushka is usually represented in their mind as a poor girl swathed in rags, slightly hungry and pale, looking wistfully at the brightly lit store window, too embarrassed to go in.
Then came the age of the mail-order bride: a girl who does not possess any command of the English language but is nice-looking, timid and compliant. This was an image that made a proud husband think himself a knight on a white horse and not some loser from the Midwest in a white Subaru.
But with the iron curtain swinging wildly in the wind of political change during the early nineties, the seemingly largest resource of the former Soviet Union spilled out into the world: women. They are literally everywhere. Mainly stationed in leading epicenters such as New York and London, they traverse the globe to the best beaches, ski slopes or just anywhere that starts with a “St”. They are beautiful, tall, ready and willing but behind the sugary facade they are tough and uncompromising.
They come from different corners of the enormous country empowered just by their ability to get out, something that was forbidden to their families for generations. Behind them is a dirty country road, remains of an old factory sticking out against the big sky as a skeleton of some prehistoric beast, bleached white concrete with weeds growing timidly in between the cracks and long forgotten objects that suggest an everlasting, destructive human presence: vodka bottles, condoms, candy wrappers. In these places, being beautiful does not really matter and does not have the capacity to change your life.
Russian girls want what everybody wants; a good life and they want it badly. I guess they just don’t go to the trouble of hiding it. True, there is a lack nuance in their approach as they are offensively shameless about it. A style quite opposite from their American counterparts who want it just as much, but pretend they do not by modestly feigning indifference (which, in their minds translates to good breeding) and then turn into domestic monsters the second they have a ring on their finger. Yet, a lingering and unwavering impression remains; complete and utter obsession with money.
Saying one is Russian in New York gives off a subtle whiff of negativity and indignity. However, isn’t it giving Russian girls too much credit in the originality contest? As if no one else ever wanted a diamond or two, as if obsession with money, especially someone else’s, has not been plaguing people since the beginning of time.
New York is a city that indeed does not get much sleep. Here our tastes are erratic and there is clearly an obsession with ‘the new’. Spoiled and neurotic, we are in constant search for the next best thing. And guess what? Russian girls are ‘in’. Modeling agencies are practically bursting with various Natashas, who are rapidly succeeding Brazilian bombshells and sprinting towards the finish line of lukewarm celebrity. Not too many men would object to having one on their arm either. But for some reason, insinuating that a Russian girl, no matter how pleasant or gracious, is most likely a whore in disguise has become “a thing to do”, almost like bashing France.
But like it or not, even when this trend is gone the Russian girls are here to stay. And in the city that is a graveyard of failed dreams they will most likely be successful in finding what they are looking for – be it money for some or a white picket fence for others.
At the end of the day, girls are pretty much the same. They could be from Minsk or Minnesota and want the same thing just wrapped in different packaging. And who is to say what the American Dream really is if not to get your own Prince Charming with all the right trimmings?
Deerlings: what ethnicity do you consider yourself to be? Is there a stereotype associated with it?
Thats an interesting article. I had no idea there were such stereotypes of russians, but then Minnesota is heavily populated with norwegian, scandanavian and yes, russian, so I guess it takes on a different twist here. We also have a significant population of Native American, and I would say they face the brunt of the “ethnic stereotyping”. We just have a different scapegoat.
My family has lots of irish blood running through it. I’m a genetic throwback, with the pale, pale skin, red hair and hazel green eyes. And I have typically noticed that people expect me to be poor, or uneducated. Everyone is so shocked when I explain to them the roles in the community my family is involved in. We definitely aren’t exceedingly wealthy, but we do have political, financial, and social backgrounds that act as a portfolio of our ambition. Even more directly offensive to me is the general shock everyone feels when I explain I am accepted to Carlson School of Management (acceptance rate of 11%, or less, I believe) and that I have a 3.98 GPA overall.
I get a lot of expectant invitations to “come out and drink” and “show them how its done” from people who have confirmation that I am in fact Irish. More tied to my haircolor, I get a lot of advances from people who think that because I’m a redhead, therefore I must be a crazy-awesome lay. Usually the sexual advances follow neatly on the heels of the calls to drink, go figure.
I guess every culture has to deal with its stigmas, you know? Best we can do is overcome them and prove them wrong.
I’m chilean (and I live in Chile), so I guess everybody outside Southamerica would call me a latina. I lived for sometime in the USA and got almost all the comments/questions I was expecting: “you don’t look latin, I thought you would be shorter and darker” (I’m relatively normal in height, white skin), or “Do you have movie theaters in your country??” (GOD YES?? WTF??), “had you tried chinese/MacDonalds food before?” (uhm…), etc.
I dislike the typical latina stereotype. People expect a tan, curvy girl, who knows how to dance salsa, great cook, fiery in bed, living in a dirty, chaotic country filled with banana fields, maybe uneducated…everything you want. I think the only stereotype I fill is that I know how to dance merengue, and the fact that where I live is a custom to kiss people in the chic to say hi (which was scary/exciting for the people I met there). But we DO NOT have carnivals everyday (we don’t have any in my city, in fact), Chile’s climate is mediterranean so we’re not hanging in our bikinis all day or streets are filled with banana palms, and my city (Santiago) is way more developed than most middle cities in the USA, and is a pretty nice, safe place to live. Yes, my home is made out of cement, I have a real pool on the yard, a nice cocker dog and a 2005 car; I’m studying laws in the best university around, and I have a laptop and Wifi in home.
Oh well. The only thing I can say is that I understand why stereotypes exist; my country is so “far away” that is easy to assume that I look/act like a Dominican girl, and that my country is extremely poor. Same goes with countries so far away from mine..I tend to do the same. Because of my bad experiences with people stereotyping me, I have an open-mind when knowing foreigners! :)
100% Filipina. First generation American born. And for the love of everything, I am not a ‘me love you long time’ girl. Proudly bicultural (and probably more Americanized than my parents want me to be– Coconut? Brown on the outside, white on the inside), and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I am acutely aware that after WWII, there has been a stigma of the Little Brown Brothers and Sisters who are so subservient to the will of ‘normal’ Americans. And I am not like that. I am proudly American, and proudly Filipina as well. I am headstrong, I have my own wants, needs, and likes. And I am also not the ghetto-fied Filipino (not to say they’re all like that… but there is a sizeable group in my area of NY).
I am Asian (not Chinese, not Japanese) or Pacific Islander. I did well in school, and I am good with analytical thinking (as well as creative). I do have glasses, I did learn piano at a very young age, I am not very athletic. But I do not let my ethnicity or my heritage dictate the person I am.
Other people can categorize me if they wish, and I don’t apologize for shattering their preconcieved notions. In fact, I welcome it.
Okie… enough rambling from me… ;)
I found your “there is only one part of Russia” funny because a situation like that sort of happened to me. Basically it goes to show how geography in school is so different in other countries. I spent 5 weeks in Scotland when I was 17 (summer between high school & college) and when people would ask me where I was from I said Boston (people would have no idea where my smaller town was but it was close enough to Boston to say Boston). I would get asked oh, is that near Disney World or near Hollywood? Ummm no! I couldn’t understand why they had no idea where places were in the USA until my Scotish friend (she was an excahnge student in my high school and I spent the summer with her) explained to me that in school in Scotland the USA is not broken down into individual states so often time people have no idea what city is near what.
fantastic read!
Well, I am first and formost a Canadian, which of course has it’s steriotypes. When I went down south, I recieved good comments and bad comments…stuff like “We [the USA] could learn a lot from you,” to “You guys [Canadians] are a bunch of pussies and we should invade you” blah blah blah.
Secondly, I identify myself with my roots…Irish and Ukrainian. It may seem like a strange combo, but it’s actually quite common here in Canada. The only steriotype I face with these two ethnicities is “so you must really like your alcohol,” “you must be cheap,” and “I’ll bet you have a really bad temper.”
Of course, people who say these things are ignorent, and need to get out more!
I often read your blog, but I’ve never commented – but I really felt the need to n this post!
I’m Russian (well half Russian, really, my mother is but my father’s not) and for the first few years of my life we lived in Vladivostok, until we moved to Chicago to live with my mother’s family.
I feel as though I have to defend my mother, not myself, because as soon as people find out that she’s Russian and moved to America after getting married they automatically assume that she was a mail order bride (which she wasn’t).
Also, though, I tell people that I’m Russian, and as I no longer have an accent (after living for most of my formative years in Chicago), they always say “Well, you don’t seem very Russian.”
This always upsets me a little, for what makes me Russian or not? I don’t know, really, but that’s not for them to decide, I think.
What an incredibly eloquent essay. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I view myself first as a Canadian.
Then I identify with my family roots of Dutch and German. When I went to Europe last summer, I felt more at home in Holland and Germany then I did in the other countries I visited.
Both sets of my grandparents immigrated to Canada after the Second World War, and both my father and mother were born in Canada (my mothers siblings were born in Holland though).
There arn’t to many stereotypes that I have to deal with, which is nice. But since I am blonde and have blue eyes, there are the aryan comments made, specially when they learn that I am of German decent.
Oh, just something to add, a stereotype I assign to people I know who immigrated to Canada…
I have 4 guy friends who are either immigrants to Canada themselves, or their parents immigrated before they were born. But all 4 of them will clear their dinner plate, and then clear yours and any other plate that still has food on it. And by clear, I mean consume all of the food and wipe up the left over sauce with a piece of bread.
Maybe its because they are immigrants or maybe its because they are boys. But now its stuck in my mind that immigrant boys will clear any plate set before them.
I’m Puerto Rican. I still live in my Island, but I used to work at Borders and would normally have American clients vacationing here. All of them always commented that to be Puerto Rican I spoke English very well. I never got around figuring out if I should be offended or feel good about this.
I visited New York a few years ago, whenever I walked into a store the question of where I am from would pop up. When I said I was from Puerto Rico they would get excited because they had visited the Island,but of course, they only visited Old San Juan which is the touristic area where cruise ships arrive. Also, I think that maybe I got asked where I was from a lot because even though I’m olive-skinned, I look like I could be from a few different nationalities.
Who do they have to box everybody into categories? Who cares where I’m from? or if I speak English well or not?
Well, I’m italian.
This pretty much says everything.
I’m born in Switzerland and I still live here in Geneva ( the city I hate the most, the country I hate the most )… but I’m italian in everything, patriotic etc. Next year I’ll be living there, back to the roots.
Basically you’re either ‘mafioso’ or ‘sly’ or not serious or… well, even worst.
Pizza-pasta-mafia. And that’s it.
The tragedy is that Italy is perhaps worst than every clichés… but there is so many potential in that country, even if it has been in decadence since well… Renaissance.
I could speak hours about it…. I totally know how you’re feeling.
Sometimes it’s just devastating… you simply want to cry, or to punch the person. Because they never get it. That you’re YOU, and of course you come from a place and you have its culture, background and everything but you’re not a stereotype. You’re YOU and that’s it.
How sad.
That’s a really good, thought provoking read, thank you.
I often find it really hard when I meet people who are immigrants or have ancestry that is so different from my own because I am interested in learning about them and want to know more, but I don’t want to come across as rude or ignorant. I understand though while it may be the first time I’ve met them, they’ve probably had the same questions over and over and are bored sick!
I myself am English through and through, and fulfil every sterotype possible (except the one about bad teeth, I have very nice teeth!) complete with the stiff upper lip, posh accent, and gallon or so of tea a day!
I think the thing that annoys me most is probably when people use British as a synonym for English. It isn’t the same thing!
I’m a mutt. For lack of a better term. A Russian grandfather married an Irish grandmother on one side.. and a Native American (Cherokee and Aztec) grandfather married a Spanish grandmother on the other.
I pass for Caucasian, but tend to be offended when I am called Caucasian.. since it tends to .. I don’t know.. write off? half of me.
My last name is Russian, obviously and also ALWAYS mispronounced. So it’s hard to get anyone to take the other half of me seriously because they don’t seem to grasp the whole ability to have your father’s last name with your mother’s heritage. heh.
I’m German and Irish which means I must be a nazi and a hard drinker. I am neither of these things. I was raised in a very liberal house that taught me never to judge others on where their family is from. Even though after the war my Grandfather couldn’t get a real job just because he was German.
I do have an Irish temper how ever but I am not red haired nor do I dance very well. I also can’t drink for the life of me. Haha. I am lucky to know both sides of my family history, while my fiancee isn’t even sure where his family name comes from. Both his grandmother and his dad were adopted. He’s searching for any answers he can find. :D
I’ve always gotten a kick out of it whenever someone asks me where I’m from. No one can ever figure it out and I love asking people to try and guess. I’m pretty much a mutt, Los Angeles born and raised. My mother was born in America and is Dutch, German, Irish, and British. My dad was born in Baghdad but like most Jews in the early 50′s/late 40′, renounced their citizenship and moved to Israel because it was too dangerous to stay. When he was 8, he and his family moved from Israel to New York. Eventually from there they all moved to LA.
I get some pretty interesting guesses as far as my heritage. Most commonly people guess Italian, Armenian, or Persian. When people guess persian and I explain to them that my dad is from Iraq, people usually say “isn’t that the same thing?” People don’t seem to understand that Iraq and Iran are different countries. I think the favorite thing someone has guessed was half Irish and half Mexican. Otherwise people just go with “Jewish.” That’s the steriotype that bugs the hell out of me. Yes, both my parents are Jewish, but I do not consider myself to be. It’s annoying as an atheist to be permanently linked to a religion because of my background.
I’m Polish so that makes me either an alcohol addict or a thief *snorts* and that also means I wear white socks with sandals, can’t speak proper English and God only knows what else as I tend not to pay attention to stereotypes. I know people think Polish women should be poorly educated and be good, quiet wives. I only tend to sport the good sides of beign Polish – that means generous and hospitable.
My family is pretty mixed up – as deep as I dug I found French, Lithuanian, Polish and Jewish roots. However, I always say I’m of Slavic herritage – but with bright red hair (call me carrot head!)and green eyes instead of the typical Slavic blonde and baby blue irises.
I’m Dutch and some how the rest of the world does not seem to understand that Dutch is not German and that there are more cities in The Netherlands than Amsterdam and Rotterdam (altough I forgive them that..I only know big cities of most countries in the world so thats ok). What annoys me most is that a lot of people seem to think Dutch people drink and smoke pot all day. Some people do, but not more than in other countries, but I DONT. Oww and because no one seems to know…Drugs are NOT legal here.
I’m a mut. I am half Portuguese (my grandmother is from the Azores), a quarter Irish and a quarter French Canadian. My dad is 100% Portuguese and is fluent in the language but he never taught it to myself or my siblings. And still to this day my siblings and I don’t know the language. Both my brother and I took German in school instead. I also don’t look Portuguese at all. I am very pale, light hair (not red), blue eyes. I take after my mom’s side (French & Irish). My brother took after my dad (dark hair & olive skin but he still got my mom’s blue eyes). I don’t run into issues with stereotyping at all. Maybe because I am a mut and don’t look like any one thing.
i am mexican … i guess that’s all i need to say.. my heritage is german and spanish.. so either i have the swine flu or i just eat tacos and burritos and have a “sombrero” on all the time.. which is obviously not true.. but i guess being a mexican girl you have to get used to deal with the comments.. but i always hear the same questions and comments when i get out of the country.. everybody spects you to be short, tan and curvy.. and obviously not everyone here is..
ooh i hate stereotypes. so much. funny this is posted today. at school, i was talking with some classmates and we somehow got to the topic of race (where this particular girl isnt very sensitive) and she started talking a bunch of stereotypical bullshit, jokes, and even using the “n word.” i must have looked like i wanted to kill her, because she eventually shut up. i am very open minded and excepting, as well as believing in equality for all, and she knew it.
i personally am canadian (scottish heritage from waayy back when)and i am the stereotypical thin, tall, blond hair and blue eyes (which isnt an ethnicity :P) that every stupid girl “should” be. actually, i am top of my class and very weird :P im also from the suburbs in ontario where a ton of different ethnicities live. i moved to a very rural (and very “white”) community 3 years ago. i was actually born here, though. so, from that, i get the blunt ends of jokes, but i get used to it. most people are very respectful, or are only poking fun.
That was such an interesting read– in the town I was raised in, we had a huge Russian population, and I always heard those stereotypes spouted off by people around me.
I’ve never really experienced ethnic stereotyping, to tell the truth. People are rarely-if-ever able to pidgeonhole me into one ethnic role, as I’m a mix of about seven distinct ethnicities. What I’ve experienced is a little bit different: since I am a mixture of many races, people often say that I’m “not [insert culture here] enough.” For example, when I tried my hand at hip-hop dancing, I was branded not black enough– but I was too black for ballet, and all the girls in my Irish dancing class were fully Irish– I wasn’t pale enough to be one of them.
In a way, though, not being “enough” of any given culture to fully identify with it is liberating. Most girls are told by the media and their culture that they should be a certain way because of their ethnic backgrounds; I’ve never felt the pressure of having to act a certain way to either live up to or defy a stereotype.
I’m from California. I don’t spend all day at the beach, I don’t have fake tits, I don’t bleach my hair (except for my skunk stripe), and I don’t drive a convertible. It’s not always just one’s ethnic background that gets pigeonholed.
english-irish-scottish-dutch-german, if anyone’s interested. I don’t really identify with any of them.
I’m scandinavian. I hate that stereotype. I might be a Scandy, but Scandinavia covers Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Finland, so being scandinavian gets all the bad parts from four different countries. So apparantly I’m a drunk, sex-freaked, cheap blond chick who believes everything people say.
Funny thing is, I’m 5’2″, brown-haired, hazel-eyed and could easily skip a few years of school and still be ahead of the curve. That part usually throws people off the hook.
I’m a dual-citizen of the US and Finland. I was born in the States, but my mother is Finnish. My father is an American of Polish and Scottish ancestry.
Since I have my father’s last name – Smith – no one ever suspects that half my family recently immigrated. I only get asked about my heritage when someone comments on my very pale skin, or overhears me speaking Finnish to my relatives.
When people know my background, they tend to think that I must love vodka, whiskey, and potatoes! To be honest, most people in the US know very little about Finland, only that we have saunas and reindeer, and some know that Helsinki is the capital. My family may have had a sauna or two, but we have never had reindeer, and we aren’t from Helsinki!
I think for every race there is some kind of stereotype. I am Puerto Rican, born and raise in Philadelphia, but i know my spanish and visit PR when i can. I guess what’s annoying is when people think everyone that speaks spanish is Mexican, LOL or when they ask ” Are u spanish?” I mean spanish is the language not the race or cutlure.
But i hate when people assume because i am Latina that i dropped out of high school or never went to college, I am very strong, educated and independent. I love beating the odds, oxoxo
Your a cute russian redhead smart women doedeere,LOL always be proud of who you are, as i know u are.HUGS
I am 50% Ecuadorian and 50% Italian. My nationality confuses the hell out of people – people often think that I am Middle Eastern, South Asian, Eastern European, or fully Hispanic. Because of that, I have a lot of people come up to me and begin talking to me in whatever their native language is. And then, some of those people sort of sneer at me when I tell them that I don’t speak their language. =/ I feel awful about it. Apparently, my dad has this happen to him often, too.
The worst thing is when I am seen with my family. I’m olive-skinned, but quite pale, while the rest of my family is more tan then me (probably because I never go outside, haha!). I get a lot of comments about how pale I am, and it hurts because they say it so disdainfully. :(
Other than that, I don’t get much else. My parents were both born here and were raised with little of their own culture, so my siblings and I are very Americanized. They do make pasta pretty much every night for dinner, though. :P
Enough about me – thanks for posting this! This was a very interesting read. :)
I’m Brazilian and I currently live in Chicago, and EVERYDAY I get asked whether i’m illegal, if I sell drugs, if Brazil is completely overtaken by slums and the rainforest and so much more. One random man actually had the nerve to ask if I was raised with monkeys and tigers. I’ve lived through stereotypes my entire life and it still manages to irk me like no tomorrow. It just shocks me of the amount of ignorance some people have towards other cultures, it wouldn’t hurt if they did some research before opening their mouth and making a statement that would offend rather than amuse the party being told. In many accounts, especially when i’m shopping, random people come up to me and speak Spanish (when Brazil’s native tongue is Portuguese) and if I respond in English, I get called rude and a show-off. I’ve also had a few people tell me to go back to Mexico (Yes, Mexico) because “we don’t need latino’s in the USA.”
People who have never experienced being hated by their race don’t realize how much it hurts having to live through this on a daily basis.
I am also Canadian. However, my mom is a Serb (my baba was born in Czechoslovakia, however, and moved to Montenegro, where she met my grandfather). My father’s mom is Norwegian and his dad is Scottish. I identify most with my Serbian background though. Since my grandparents on my mom’s side don’t speak English well I took a Russian course in university this year (they don’t offer Serbian, and my grandma speaks Russian too) so I could talk to her better.
Anyways, theres a lot of Serbian sterotypes in my community, since most of the strip clubs and bars in town are owned by Serbs. People tell me I must like to drink and if I have a bad temper, etc. I can get the drinking one, my mom does a shot with my grandparents every morning, but anyone can be mean/have a bad temper…Thats not limited to an ethnicity/race/nationality/whatever.
Anyways, I loved your post! Very interesting.
This story was so touching-as a half-Chinese Jewish girl, I often get strange looks and lots of questions when I tell someone my ethnicity. I have been asked if I am Mexican, South American, Middle Eastern, and so on.
My high school is very very competitive, and because I am Asian many people assume that I am very smart. I take advanced classes, but if I do poorly on a test or assignment, some people and even my friends make fun of me; they think I should do better because I’m Chinese.
My father is Polish (50%) Russian and Italian, my mother is Chinese; people assume she is one of those “scary Chinese ladies” who does curses on people and smokes opium, but my mom is the coolest person I know! People are often surprised when they find out she designs handbags and jewelry and that she has an AMAZING sense of style-she designed and made my Bat Mitzvah dress!
I’m very short and what some people call “exotic” looking so a lot of boys in my school think I’m a pushover or am a really easy slut(apparently a lot of guys in my school like kinky Eastern looking girls, who knows where that came from? I suppose that’s a stereotype as well, though…) However upon meeting me, guys discover I am completely assertive and COMPLETELY picky about who I date and hook up with! (For the record, so far no one haha)
Stereotypes are gonna happen, people will think whatever they want to, after all. I think all we can do is try to be more conscious of the different nationalities and personalities around us :) Thank you.
I describe myself as coming from “Eastern European Jewstock” (mostly Lithuanian and Ukrainian, if you want specifics). I was raised in an area with a large Jewish population, so I didn’t really encounter much stereotyping growing up. However, when I went to college in Chicago I was the first Jew a lot of the students from smaller towns had ever met, and they had a lot of questions.
There’s also a stereotype that Jews aren’t athletic, even within the Jewish community. As the late, great comedian Buddy Hackett once joked, “Jews don’t ski. Jews play pinochle and say, ‘Helen, bring fruit.’” However, I play roller derby, which is a very intense sport. I attend 2-hour practices 3-4 times a week. When my mom mentioned it to one of her coworkers he replied, “what’s a nice Jewish girl doing playing roller derby?”
I also lived in a tiny town in Japan for two years. As the only foreigner, it was part of my job to promote cultural exchange. The most stereotypical questions usually came from the women who I ate lunch with at work. Thanks to Hollywood, they thought that everyone in America owned a gun, and it blew their minds that I had never even seen one.
Incidentally, a woman in a restaurant there once asked me if I was Russian because of my complexion!
Well, as an Irish girl still stationed in Ireland, but with American relatives, I like to have a little laugh at all the stereotypes, and have a nicely polished arsenal of comebacks, some sarcastic, some sincere.
-You People Are All Drunken Idiots… DEBATE!
-”I can’t AFFORD the amount of brandy it takes to get me drunk, sweetie.”
-”Mostly, yes, but then WE sober up.”
-LEPRECHAUNS…GO!
-”They actually pronounce it (le-pree-shan) [the idea is to make it sound French or something believable]. And yes, they ARE a primitive race of stunted human, decended from the Picts. Lately they’ve formed a rather formidable Republican militia, and are stationed in the Southern Provences of Leinster and Munster. We fear they may overthrow the current government and lead or troops into the British-Ruled Provence of Ulster to try reclaim it. Very Worrying Indeed.”
Basically, give the narrow-minded punters enough rope to hang themselves with, and skip off giggling.
my mom is korean, so i have slightly asain looking eyes. however, i’m also half irish, so i have pouffy hair that turns blonde in the summer. i remember when i was little, some boy came up to me and said, “hey, how come you don’t match?” that hurt me. a lot. i didn’t understand, since even though my mom wasn’t born in the u.s., i was, and we didn’t speak korean at home or celebrate korean holidays. not that i don’t love my heritage, but i think of myself as american-not irish/asain/american.
what bugs me is that when people see me, they don’t think “girl,” they think “asain girl.” so automatically, i’m a math geek, i speak chinese, and only i eat rice and sushi.
and sorry for the rant, but this type of thing really bothers me.
I think its funny that people even guess at peoples ethnicity. Iam a mutt. english ,irish.scottish native american, italian,mexican and spanish. Throw in that my name is “Amore” and i most often get asked if iam french. Nobody ever thinks iam hispanic is any way. Recessive genes are funny. I have pale skin,blondish hair and blueish eyes.
being Japanese (only half, but I mostly just look asian), I don’t get a lot of personality stereotypes, but people do joke that I’m smart (particularly in math), that I can’t drive, and that even just a little bit of alcohol turns my face bright red.
I get a few stereotypes on account of being a lesbian also, but since I am quite feminine, most of those are all in good fun, from people who know me.
overall, I haven’t found stereotyping to be much of a problem, but this is probably because I live in a massively liberal, accepting area.
Canadian all the way, here, and I know there aren’t too many stereotypes about us, but I do have to face them now and then, especially with making friends over the internet with different people from different places. I lot of people actually think that I live somewhere that’s really cold all the time(um.. cold winters yes, but HOT summers here in MTL.) Or that all Canadians are “lumberjacks”, or weird things like that. Although, a lot of us do love hockey, especially here in Montreal. I don’t play it though, just like watching it.. Not just to support the teams.. but damn, hockey players are hot. :) lol Anyway.. ..Lalalalala!
I’m British African and luckily haven’t suffered too much prejudice in the past. Actually it’s living in Spain that I’ve been really aware of being the minority – not through any explicit rudeness, just endless staring.
I remember being approached by an American guy a few months ago while waiting for the bus – he’d heard me talking to a friend and asked if I was English – yes – and where I was from in England – London. He was SHOCKED! “Oh my god, you have black people there??” O_o It’s one of the most multi-national cities in Europe
Doedeere would you be open to me sending in portraits wearing your make-up? I noticed somebody asked for looks on darker skin a while back – it’s a good point!
This is quite interesting. For me, the stereotype is Asian. I have no discerning features marking Asian descent [read: slanted eyes] so usually when I tell people I am part Chinese, they all deny it. “NO!”
That’s one thing that’s always bugged me. Just because I’m curvy and I’ve got large eyes/brown hair and freckles, I am automatically disqualified from the Asian race.
For the most part, I don’t think stereotypes matter much. I’ve even used them, only jokingly though. When I think it becomes a problem is when you assume that everyone fits into this one little niche, no matter what.
And funny story: my mom is more overtly Asia, and works in the casino business. One time, a well-meaning, but horribly insensitive rich woman said “You must have a much better life here!”
sigh…
I am venezuelan. But because my dad is a tall, blonde, blue-eyed italian i look nothing like your typical latina…. but my mom does.
We recently moved to spain because we have the nationality, and several times we’ve been in the same situation involving legal paperwork or something of the sort, and they tend to be more “picky” with her… which she always solves showing that all her documents are in order before they even ask.
But one thing that bothers me is the Latin-american stereotype hollywood portrays: the Mexican (because aparently only mexico is part of latin america, and the other countries are god-forgotten places) ilegal inmigrants, with the thick accent…. and of course, for the girls, the sassy, bitchy, “getto diva” (see, for example, Betty’s sister, Hilda, in Ugly Betty), that dresses as loud as she can (and as slutty as she can too) and is “bubbly” to the point of annoyance.
And because I’m nothing of the sort, people actually can’t believe me when i tell them i’m from Venezuela.
Hell, once a former friend of mine moved to switzerland to study middle school, and they asked her if we moved trough the jungle, and they couldn’t believe we had technology (some of it more advanced than in europe).
But oh well, it’s something we have to live with. I sorta got used to it a long time ago.
I’m from NYC too and worked in a hospital community in Brooklyn that had a large population of Russians. I’ve vaguely heard of the stereotypes of Russian women (none really on the men), but I sorta just let it roll off my back. The way I see it: every ethnicty has a “stereotype” and for the most part, it’s not true when applied to individuals. If someone has a problem with you because of your ethnicity, they’re the ones who are losing out because of their ignorance.
I actually ended up becoming intrigued with Russian culture from my experience with patients and decided to take a semester of Russian. Now I can read and write…well slowly at least. :)
I live in New York but I have Irish (Irish and Northern Irish), German, and Danish roots.
Well, when I mention I’m proud of being part Irish people usually think “That means she likes to drink.”, Oh, and that Irish people usually have red hair and green eyes. I’ve never been to Ireland (Or out of the country, for that matter) but they really don’t have a huge amount of redheads.
When it comes to German, people usually think beer and lederhosen (lederhosen were only really worn in Bavaria!). Aaand when I mention that I’m proud of my German ancestry people think “Nazi?”. Also, whenever I tell someone that my half-German great-grandfather fought in WWII they automatically assume he was a Nazi. He was born in America. He fought on our side.
Ha, now the Danish. Whenever I mention that I’m proud to be part Danish people either mix it up with Dutch, or assume I’m calling myself a pastry. If I try to explain that Its the small Scandinavian country above Germany… let’s just say that for whatever reason… people don’t know where Scandinavia is (Or they thought it was one country.)
I’m actually half mexican and half white (white part coming from the south, france, and germany). My parents were born in the US and 3 of my 4 grandparents were born here as well. My other grandpa was born in Mexico. I’m lucky and have not really noticed and bad discrimination or stereotypes because of my ethnicity. Although my close friends sometimes laugh at me cuz a bit of southern accent comes through once in a while…even though I’ve never been to the south. lol. I’m from Southern California by the way. And I’ve always been around a lot of fellow Mexicans which is great. However, I don’t speak much Spanish, so I feel kinda bad. I don’t think I look very mexican either. I’ve been mistaken for being Persian, Iranian, and just the other day one of my friends from school asked if I was Middle Eastern. I actually kinda like that you can’t tell what I am just by looking at me. And being called middle eastern is quite a compliment to me because I think middle eastern women are very beautiful. Basically I just love being who I am and I am proud of my heritage on both sides of my family.
I think people from different backgrounds then myself are fascinating and I love to learn about different cultures. I don’t want anybody stereotyping me so I try not to stereotype others. One World, One Love…=)
Well, I was born in Czech Republic, same as my parents, and their parents, and their parents etc. etc. etc., but I feel totally alienated from this nation. But one cannot have “no nationality”, so I changed my to Vietnamese, to show some support for this minority.
Speaking about ethnicity, based on mitochondrial DNA analysis I’m mostly Slavonian with touch of Celtic.
Interesting read; that would match Ukrainian women here. Russian people are viewed as super-rich here. Just few days ago, in real estate agency, the broker collected some materials from his table and put them away with “too expensive, maybe for Russians” comment.
I am American. A mixture of German, Swedish, Norwegian, and other Nordic counties with a reputation for being blond and pale. I am often called a viking, “Helga”, or a Jew-killer.
But thats in America.
In Japan I am white, therefore I am American. And even though I adore Japan and everything in it, I cant help but be annoyed by the people I pass on the street who offer to direct me to the nearest “Mac-a-don-nal-dos”.
Xenia, cpocibo. This brought a tear to my eye, especially after our e-mail conversation. The week after, I had to attend an identity workshop, and when my turn came, everyone laughed at me when I told them I was a Russian from Ukraine. They asked me “Isn’t that the same thing?” “So are you Russian or Ukrainian?” and other questions of the sort. I had to sit down and explain to them the differences, and after they continued to stereotype me. I had to leave the room with tears of frustration because I could not understand why, after simple explanation, these people continued to address me with improper facts.
This week, I decided to get together a few of my female Russian friends in order to create something to break the stereotypes of the “Masha-Natasha-Sasha from Brighton Beach” and prove to Americans (and other groups as well) that we are REAL girls, not just those bleached blonde barbie dolls you see on Ocean Parkway. We have goals and ambitions too, not just dig into the wallets of rich American businessmen.
Especially after reading about you and how you’re making a name for yourself, as one of us girls that are not cookie-cutter, I have more ambition than ever to get this initiative out there.
Thank you so much. Neto Clobo Dlya Tebje.
You’re Amazing.
I’m 100% asian (chinese, my ancestors were born either in Shanghai or around it). Just because I’m Chinese doesn’t mean that I:
Speak Chinese (I can though.).
Cook (not very well!)
Think that every American product is an engineering miracle.
Shop in markets where people don’t sell sanitary food. (I shop at Costco)
Have every single other asian-looking person be my “cousin”.
Forecast your future.
Have 85 little brothers and sisters. (I’m an only child.)
Be either super trendy or super awkward.
Pin straight, long black hair that is really shiny. (my hair is 5 different shades of brown. and is half-layered and somewhat wavy and curly)
Reuse used paper towels. O_O
Be incredibly smart.
Have an Asian accent or some kind of speech impediment caused by my “buck teeth”.
Am SUPER skinny or SUPER fat.
Really slutty or amazingly chaste.
Quiet.
Take pictures of everything. (I’m both photogenic and I like to have some memories, so what!?)
Especially since I’m young these questions are practically mandatory when I see someone new. It’s ridiculous! One time (this is so funny) this lady asked me where I was born because I was applying for something and she had to do background, and I replied,”California.” then she asks me where my parents are from and I say, “Shanghai.” and she ACTUALLY SAID, “Oh your English is incredible!”
…
I stepped on her toe.
And she wore open-toe shoes.
I know how you feel. I’ve never been outside my country, I must confess, but internet amazes me…
Brazilians are usually seen as sluts. Beautiful girls, really easy, who’ll have sex with you and dance some samba on carnaval – you don’t even need to ask or hit them!! ¬¬’
But, I find it funny when people ask me if I’m a soccer genius….
One day and australian student at my school told us how impressed he was we didn’t live in a small town near the beach and the jungle.
Surprise, surprise!
Rachel> Yeah, I don’t think America is that bad compared to other mostly-one-ethnicity countries. My friend in Korea has a weird stereotype that people in the US is all blond and blue eyed.. no matter how much I tell her that’s not true. In the US, at least you get exposure to different ethnicities.. in one-ethnicity countries.. all you have are TV and limited articles.
Yeah.. I hate those, oh which city are you from questions, too. I want to say “I don’t care if it’s the capital, if you know one city how likely do you think I’m from there?” I’m Korean by the way. Usually people don’t really go down to the specific ethnicity so they just see me as “asian” and comment on how well I speak english. (I should probably add to their comment that I can probably whoop their ass in English grammar and spelling) Of course the obvious stereotype is I’m really smart, study all the time and play in the orchestra. So not true. (I’m guilty of fullfilling the asians do martial arts stereotype though haha)
I have a good friend who is Japanese-white mixed and she gets really annoyed with people giving her the confused look with “uh… so what are you” like her whole existance doesn’t make sense. So sad.
I am Chicana (American of Mexican descent), living in Phoenix, AZ, but I am brown living near the Mexico border, so I must be illegal, right?! That is the only stereo typing that I get. I used to get a lot of crap from both side, like I “act” too white to be Mexican, and I am too brown to be American. Now I just ignore it all, because for those who want to judge me on who they think I am, or might be, or should be, are losing out on who I really am.
I’m Ukrainian, living in New Zealand. I completely stand out, and have only recently made amends with it.
I’m Canadian, and that’s what I identify with, but my father was born and lived in England until he was about 26, So it’s not so much me that gets stereotyped, but England itself.
I’ve been there a number of times to visit her, most recently this year, and when I got back I got all sorts of bizarre questions. Probably the most so was a person asking if my grandmother was royalty, and if she had a castle.