If you or your parents were born in a foreign country, chances are you have to deal with ethnic stereotyping on a daily basis just like me. And just like me, you probably have the why-I-came-to-this-country-story on the ready – both the long and the short version – in case someone decides to ask.
I have an accent, so avoiding invasive questions about my Russian past is nearly impossible. To make things easier, I introduce myself as Xena or Xenia (not Ksenia, which is what I used to be called 11 years ago). I anticipate the “which part?” question and am almost not annoyed by it. How are they supposed to know that there is only one part in Russia – Russia, and someone from Ukraine or Belarus would never say they are from Russia? I am quick to explain that I’m from neither Moscow nor St. Petersburg (the only Russian cities most seem to know) and am in fact from a a little-known city in the Ural region. I am absolutely shocked when someone says they know Izhevsk.
Russian women get stereotyped a lot – beautiful, domesticated but strong, coy but ambitious, excellent cooks and mothers. There are also not-to-flattering stereotypes – “Russian slut”, “Russian gold digger”. Sometimes, usually riding on the train, I wonder what sort of assumptions people make about me just based on the fact that I’m Russian. I’ve been approached with flyers from seedy ‘photographers’ on several occasions. I’ve been hit on by guys who for some reason think that complementing me on my eyes will immediately get them in my pants, or at the very least my cell phone number. I try not to take offense, but it does get you thinking: Do I really look that easy? Or is it just my Russian face and the fact that I’m riding the Brighton Beach-bound train?
Photo: Johansen Laurel
When I stumbled upon I Am Not A Russian Mail Order Bride, I couldn’t believe how astonishingly accurate it was. Written by a Russian immigrant and fellow New Yorker, it felt like my own life story with a few names changed. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
I Am Not A Russian Mail Order Bride
By Helena Khazanova
One would think I know all about Russian girls in New York because that is exactly what I am: a Russian girl living in this monster of a metropolis. People often ask where I am from. “Moscow,” I reply with certainty and without hesitation, despite fifteen years spent abroad. The look of surprise always registers in their face. “No accent, I know,” I feel compelled to finish the thought for them in order to avoid another obvious comment, a conversation that I can predict word for word. But it follows anyway, and the next question is why.
“Why are you here?” they ask, almost surprised, as if I am the only person not born on this island. They look on, eager to hear another heartbreaking story about bleak, cold weather, everlasting snows, and bread shortage, garnished with an intricate and hopefully slightly illegal crossing of the Atlantic. Black and white images of Ellis Island flash in their minds, and faces of harassed dirty immigrants contrasted by their own childhood that is suddenly basked in a warm glow reminiscent of a Norman Rockwell painting.
“Sorry,” I let them down. My story is not thickly wrapped in darkness and despair. Instead, it is disappointingly ordinary. “Well, my parents moved here because my father worked for an American company,” I begin my speech that I have told enough times that I no longer need to concentrate on what I am saying. “They live in the city and Southampton,” I continue. “I went to school in Rhode Island. No siblings,” I add for some reason. So far nothing too scandalous.
“So, your parents are here?” they ask, shocked at another proof that I am not, in fact, a prostitute in disguise. “Yes,” I say. Somehow they feel cheated out of their small victory.
It’s not offensive really. I guess I am just used to it. But no matter where I come from, today, in New York, I am only an observer. I watch in awe as this new breed of Russian girls dash wildly around Manhattan in four-inch stilettos as if they are still at a local collective farm, rounding up all eligible men like a herd of cattle. Yes, sometimes the ill-fated reputation is well-deserved. Permanent fixtures at every chic and expensive restaurant their faces look somewhat devoid of expression and can be compared to say, a genetically engineered peach. Good to look at, perfectly colored, firm and completely inedible. They sit on their well-chosen dates with silence hanging heavily off their forks and vacant smiles on their plump and glossed lips. But although they look blank, their minds are crunching numbers faster than any investment banker.
Unfortunately, to many in New York it seems highly unlikely and very suspicious that a girl from Russia could be just that: a person from a place with no baggage attached. Stereotypes run rampant; a model from a small town who was selling vegetables in the snow-covered market to survive; some beauty whose main goal is to marry a billionaire but who is still having trouble reading; a designer-clad girlfriend of a shady businessman with wads of cash stuffed in her purse.
Somehow lately the image of the Russian “girl” has undergone a very significant and swift transformation. First it was associated only with something Americans strangely like to refer to as babushka (which, in fact, does not mean a scarf or any other headpiece but a grandmother). This babushka is usually represented in their mind as a poor girl swathed in rags, slightly hungry and pale, looking wistfully at the brightly lit store window, too embarrassed to go in.
Then came the age of the mail-order bride: a girl who does not possess any command of the English language but is nice-looking, timid and compliant. This was an image that made a proud husband think himself a knight on a white horse and not some loser from the Midwest in a white Subaru.
But with the iron curtain swinging wildly in the wind of political change during the early nineties, the seemingly largest resource of the former Soviet Union spilled out into the world: women. They are literally everywhere. Mainly stationed in leading epicenters such as New York and London, they traverse the globe to the best beaches, ski slopes or just anywhere that starts with a “St”. They are beautiful, tall, ready and willing but behind the sugary facade they are tough and uncompromising.
They come from different corners of the enormous country empowered just by their ability to get out, something that was forbidden to their families for generations. Behind them is a dirty country road, remains of an old factory sticking out against the big sky as a skeleton of some prehistoric beast, bleached white concrete with weeds growing timidly in between the cracks and long forgotten objects that suggest an everlasting, destructive human presence: vodka bottles, condoms, candy wrappers. In these places, being beautiful does not really matter and does not have the capacity to change your life.
Russian girls want what everybody wants; a good life and they want it badly. I guess they just don’t go to the trouble of hiding it. True, there is a lack nuance in their approach as they are offensively shameless about it. A style quite opposite from their American counterparts who want it just as much, but pretend they do not by modestly feigning indifference (which, in their minds translates to good breeding) and then turn into domestic monsters the second they have a ring on their finger. Yet, a lingering and unwavering impression remains; complete and utter obsession with money.
Saying one is Russian in New York gives off a subtle whiff of negativity and indignity. However, isn’t it giving Russian girls too much credit in the originality contest? As if no one else ever wanted a diamond or two, as if obsession with money, especially someone else’s, has not been plaguing people since the beginning of time.
New York is a city that indeed does not get much sleep. Here our tastes are erratic and there is clearly an obsession with ‘the new’. Spoiled and neurotic, we are in constant search for the next best thing. And guess what? Russian girls are ‘in’. Modeling agencies are practically bursting with various Natashas, who are rapidly succeeding Brazilian bombshells and sprinting towards the finish line of lukewarm celebrity. Not too many men would object to having one on their arm either. But for some reason, insinuating that a Russian girl, no matter how pleasant or gracious, is most likely a whore in disguise has become “a thing to do”, almost like bashing France.
But like it or not, even when this trend is gone the Russian girls are here to stay. And in the city that is a graveyard of failed dreams they will most likely be successful in finding what they are looking for – be it money for some or a white picket fence for others.
At the end of the day, girls are pretty much the same. They could be from Minsk or Minnesota and want the same thing just wrapped in different packaging. And who is to say what the American Dream really is if not to get your own Prince Charming with all the right trimmings?
Deerlings: what ethnicity do you consider yourself to be? Is there a stereotype associated with it?
I have Serbian and Czechoslovakian(my grandparents), and Russian (my great grandparents), and irish/british (my moms side this is really far back my ansestors came to america and lived in jamestown)i look american so i dont really get any sterotype and most people dont sterotype me till itell them im half jewish and tell them my old last name ( my grandparents changed it when they came to the us) and it annoys me when they mis pronounce it when i tell them( its never sterotype people and i dont judge people till i know them ( ecept the usual she/he seems nice) also i hate when people see my red hair and think its fake id if that a strotype but it annoys me :)
I guess I kind of have it easy. One in three people in Australia is an immigrant or a first generation Australian. I’ve been out with friends & looked around realising that only one or two out of the whole group of people I’m with was actually *born* here.
My boyfriend & I are lucky though. Neither of us has a (non-Australian) accent & we’re both generic-looking white people. When he tells people he’s from South Africa though, people do get a bit weird. There are some strong stereotypes concerning white South Africans.
Don’t worry too much about people not knowing the city/region where you were born. I think it happens to us all. When I’m overseas & I tell people I’m from Australia they atomically assume that I live in Sydney. It drives me nuts!
i was born here and i have no accent but i have a last name that is a hefty 12 letters long filled with v’s and d’s and z’s and a whole lot of e’s. explaining where my parents come from takes a nice ten mintutes. i’ve lived with them all my life and the only thing i know for sure is that at one point they resided in uzbekistan. the annoying smart *****s are allways persistent in saying: hay! uzbekistan is a muslim country you can’t be russian you’re all mixed up. because ofcourse i definitly dont know my family or my roots. but when they were there, uzbekistant was a part of the soviet union which was a part of russia and uzbekistan was predominately russian until it split up (two days after my parents left). Unfortunately i have to go through the tiring and embarrassing length of the story once i start, i only wish it was as normal as “my dad got a job with an american country” but my parents’ story really does contain traces of illeagal atlantic crossings and loopholes in the governemnt.
I consider myself to be German, even though I am only 1/4. My grandmother came over into America with her family during WWII.
There are a lot of negative stereotypes that come with being German. Often, if you tell someone in my highschool that you are German, they’ll assume you’re a member of the Nazi party. I find it extremely offensive.
Actually, just this tuesday in my Chemistry class, someone asked a question about which countries in the World had nuclear weapons. My teacher listed them off, counting on his fingers. When he was done, someone asked, “What about Germany?” and he responded with a no. Another girl then said, “Thank God”. I was deeply offended, asking her what she meant by that, and she replied that with Germany’s history, it’s a good thing they don’t have nuclear weapons. Needless to say, my jaw dropped. To blame an entire nation for the work of a dictator is so small-minded. People in Germany are now just starting to gain pride in their country, afer all these years. While I was there last summer, I saw German flags hanging out windows in the cities, celebrating Germany’s advancement in the World Cup, and it was refreshing.
I’m rambling, but I completely understand stereotypes and how they are wrong most of the time.
-Suzye
My dad is from New Zealand, but his parents are Scottish (Grandma directly from Scotland, Grandpa is pure Scot from Nova Scotia Canada). Every time I would mention that my Dad is a Kiwi, people gave me this look, and say “Your dad is a fruit?” which sent me into a whole song and dance about a Kiwi being a flightless bird, a fruit, and what a large number of the people in NZ call themselves.
And then when people find out that the rest of my heritage is Irish, Scottish, Welsh, and very little native american they get the impression that I can drink when in reality I’m a super lightweight.
And always, always remember, New Zealand is not part of Australia and the people are not the same.
I’m 100% Chinese but don’t have any family in China. Both of my parents were born and raised in Burma. People ask me if I’m from Japan or China as if those are the only two Asian countries.
Whenever someone asks where I’m from, I say “Brooklyn.” The follow up question is usually, “No, where are you really from?” I will always be seen as an immigrant even being born and raised in Brooklyn.
I have a friend who’s a 5th generation Asian American and he still gets the question, “Where are you really from?”
This is very interesting. It’s sort of funny, because I actually never think of these stereotypes (the only Russian girl I ever met had serious stalkeristic issues and was certainly not beautiful), but at the same time, these all sound familiar to me. I am actually half German (the other half is English-Scotch-Irish), and I always get Nazi jokes. And blond jokes. It’s really not cool. However, as of this coming saturday, I will no longer be a blonde, as I’m dying my hair red right after prom… YES!!
My Mom is from the Philippines. She’s lived in this country (England) for more than twenty years but she still gets confronted with silly stereotypes at times. There are Filipina mail order brides, too, which leads to talk about passport-hunting and gold-digging…
…but most of the time, these people are ignorant, anyway.
x
Oh, and as a reply to Chriss who posted above me:
I get asked the “Where are you really from?” question, too, and I don’t even think I look particularly non-English. XD
x
I cannot respond to much of this but just to what I know. I was born and raised in the USA. I am Scottish, English, Irish,Dutch, German, Russian and French.I am very interested in where people come from (even if it’s just from another state different than the one we are in) I mean no disrespect when I ask questions. If someone has a last name this unusual to me I may ask the person about it.I may do the same when I hear an accent. This is only because I like to learn about people, different places, different traditions,etc..Sometimes questions come out wrong. No one is perfect. Yes there are a few stupid people who are being mean on purpose, but that is the minority. I guess I should just stop being interested in other people for fear I may ask a question in the wrong way and offend them. Personally I think it’s nice when others are interested in learning about me.
I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse, but I have to tell you, those seedy guys hitting on you: that happens to all the young, attractive women in this country! I’m, at first glance, a “white” American girl, and I get that kind of crap on a daily basis. I’ve been dealing with it since I was about 12 or 13, and coming up on 26 next month, that works out to more than a decade of cat calls and offers from “photographers,” and the like.
At this point, I’m so conditioned to ignore men talking to me that I’ve actually made a fool of myself a time or two. Once, when I was leaving a grocery store, and a man would not stop calling out to me. I ignored him for a while, but when he started to chase after me, I turned around to tell him off. Before I could, he held up a bag of frozen pizzas I’d apparently left behind at the register. I felt like a tool! But honestly, nearly every other time a man has called out like that, it’s been to hit on me in an inappropriate way.
My heritage is roughly 50% Native American & 50% white American (most of that German). Because I have pale skin and green/blue eyes, people generally assume I’m making up the fact that I’m Native American. A lot of people in this country have a bit of in their blood and tend to exaggerate the amount (maybe because they think it makes them sound exotic?), but that’s not me.
My maternal grandmother is a full-blooded Native American (Creek), and both my father’s parents are roughly 50% Native American (Cherokee). Sometimes I wish I looked more the part, so people would take me seriously. But then, I’d be dealing with the issues dark-skinned people face, and that would probably be worse.
I have a group of Russian friends, and they all describe themselves that way (at least to Americans), but I know that only some of them are from Russia. Some are from Belarus and some are from Ukraine. I have erred a time of two by asking ignorant questions (the annoying, “Why did you come to this country?” and the even worse, “Say something to them!” upon catching wind of other Russian-speaking people – I hang my head in shame!), but I was the first openly gay friend they made here, and they asked a few ignorant questions regarding that, so I figure we’re even! :) I think it just comes down to experience. If you’ve never been around anyone openly gay, or anyone Russian, or anyone different from you in some way, you tend to ask stupid questions until you know better. Thankfully, I know better now!
Wow, I just realized I left you a novel for a comment! But I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and usually don’t comment, so I guess I’m making up for that! ;)
Good read! <3
I’m as white as the sky, sadly, and only a 2nd generation German, American born.
I think everyone gets hit on by creepers. I get extra creepers because they assume all goth girls love whack-jobs. How far from the truth!! D:
great article !
i’m half korean and half new zealander, living in new zealand. a lot of people ask me where i come from, and i’m so sick of answering. i know that they will make assumptions about me based on where i’m from, i don’t want to be pushed into any of the stereotypes of asian or white. so many people tell me ‘you’re more asian than white’ or ‘you’re more white than asian’, so what is it!? hahahha
personally, i don’t label myself as asian OR white, i’m just me :D
the colour of my skin, hair, eyes, does not define meand trying to fit yourself into a category will only hold you down :D
I’m Taiwanese/Chinese, and I think the stereotype is just that we’re super nerdy and socially awkward. Which is a little irritating, but ehh.
I had no idea Russian girls were stereotyped so heavily and negatively.. This was an eye-opener and an entertaining (is it bad that it was entertaining? entertaining in an interesting way, if you know what I mean) read.
I seriously doubt that people hit on you, etc, because of your race. They just hit on you cause you’re cute/hot.
I am immediately intrigued when I meet someone with an accent or from a country I’m not super familiar with, it’s a chance to learn!
My mother is also from the Philippines and that being said there are a lot of stereotypes associated with that. Yes its true that my mom married my father who was in the military at that time and that’s how she came to America….but that’s the only stereotype that’s true! No, I do not eat dogs….and no I don’t know how to climb coconut trees, or any tree for that matter!! But there are also other stereotypes besides just the ones based on one’s ethnicity. For example, I’m originally from southern California, San Diego to be exact. Upon moving to Pennsylvania I discovered there are a lot stereotypes associated with the west coast. I’m not a surfer or an air head, and I don’t say “like” almost every other word. I don’t get upset when people ask me questions or say things that seem a little insensitive, I just take it with a grain of salt.
I was reading all the comments above mine and I have to say I feel a little jealous. I am for lack of a better ways to put it Southern…or just American. At least the past 3 generations(on my mother and father’s side) are from Georgia. I just so happen to be Scottish and Irish on both sides as well. And I’m a little bit Native American. I have never really identified with any of those however.
I am from the South thorough and thorough. But I don’t believe that “the South will rise again”
I don’t drive a pick up truck.
I don’t listen to country music or wear overalls…and I don’t know anyone who has married there cousin.
One last thing…My husband is half cuban. My last name is “de Armas” So now I can only imagine what people will think of me before we actually meet…
I’m sorry you get stereotyped. After reading some comments others have left, I hope you feel as if you are more than not alone. Take care.
If asked I say I’m European or a mutt.
I have a German last name, so I get called a nazi a lot. The fact that I drive a 66 VW Beetle only reinforces that.
That was a great article, I loved reading it.
Even though it’s only a part of my ethnicity I mostly consider myself Croatian. So of course Serbians think negatively of me at first, but most Americans just have no idea what Croatia is.
I should have added this before, of course not ALL Serbians do, but I’ve met plenty that still have the same old grudges.
I consider myself two things.
Firstly. Floridian. I know, not an Ethetincity, but it’s something that is very heavily stereotyped, in my experience and I thought it’d be interesting. There are a lot of stereotypes with this, especially with people I talk to online. Mainly that I must be blond, tall, tan, and trim, that I probably sleep around and that I party a lot and go to Disney all the time. Often also that I’m heavily Christian and racist.
I’m short, pale, a red head and a little overweight. I don’t sleep with people unless I really really trust them (which is rare), I don’t like most parties, I prefer drinking with friends and I don’t like Disney much. Except Epcot, but I rarely go. Also, I’m not at all religious and want to beat racists in the face with a pole.
Second, I identify with my Norwegian roots (I’m about 75% Norwegian). With this comes that I’m alcoholic, still blond and tall,unsophisticated fish addict and uncaring.
I don’t really like most fish and I’ve been told I’m very kind and try to help everyone, even if I don’t really like someone much.
I’m Italian. I look white. I’ve never really encountered any kind of stereotype based on my heritage. Suffice to say that one of my great grandma’s was actually a mail order bride!
100% chinese and living in NYC and get all the typical questions. Some tourist once asked me in really slow English where Chinatown was and needless I pointed him in the wrong direction
I am Chinese-American. I was born here, so I am more in tune with the American culture than the Taiwanese/Chinese culture of my parents. I live in Silicon Valley, California where there’s a large percentage of Asians in general.
For one, that thing about Asians being bad drivers bothers me very much, because I am an EXCELLENT driver (haha).
Another thing: the high school I go to, where the majority of students are first generation Asians with immigrant parents, was recently the subject of a New York Times article “The White Flight”. It basically accused the Asians of being overly academically competitive and driving away white students. Needless to say, most people were extremely offended. The stereotype of overbearing, GPA-oriented and competitive Asians is of course true to an extent, but that’s all it is – to an extent.
It also bothers me that so many people view my drive to do well academically in such a negative light – they automatically think I’m one of those grade-obsessed Asian nerds with no lives.
I usually just say “white” when the subject of my ethnicity comes up. And usually the subject is left at that. I look white, and both of my parents look white, so it works.
If there is a problem, it generally comes up when my nationality is mentioned. I’m both and American citizen and a Turkish citizen, and when it’s brought up I usually get questions. If I don’t feel like talking I just agree to everything until the person shuts up. If I’m feeling a bit more social I’ll explain that I have Turkish citizenship because my two American parents had me in Turkey, I cannot speak Turkish, and no, I’m not a Muslim.
Generally, I don’t have any problems. I think the only problem I’ve ever had is when this Armenian guy went off on me after the subject of my birthplace came up. After all, if I’m from Turkey I’m just a horrible person that wants all the Armenians dead and don’t have the balls to admit it (read: the Armenian Genocide). It really did hurt because I never denied the Armenian Genocide happened, and he merely assumed I did because of where I was born and behaved like that. :|
Okay, nevermind, I recall problems regarding it in elementary school when some girl gave me problems over it after we had a Show and Tell session where we had to share things from when we were younger. But she was all kinds of stupid so I couldn’t be bothered to care.
I’m a New Zealander or Pakeha in Maori, My mother is of Scottish decent and my father is Irish, I identify with my Irish decent as the cultural aspects relate more to me,
I still get the commen ” diddley dee potatoes ” comment thrown in and and the assumed love of drink.
New Zealand has very distinct culture of its own and as a teacher I’m fortunate to be experiencing and learning more about the Maori culture – this has also began to affect my identity, though this could be due to some cultural links between Irish and Maori that draw me in.
I’m 2nd gen Irish, 3rd gen scottish and a little bit of a brit that came over to america like 200 years ago… I got the looks. Short, big breasted, strong enough to lift a sheep, blue/green eyes, and a mass of almost black hair that has a mind of it’s own. (my friends joke that somewhere along the line I’m related to a dark one aka related to a silkie… kind of silly but you know how these things go). I’m also clumsy, a little quick tempered, my face turns red when I’m drunk, and i can hold a grudge… not to mention my name is Colleen which means girl in gaelic. <— fits stereotype yes
I’ve been called leprechaun, irish rose, etc. On some levels I’m glad that my grandparents nationalities really shine through genetically, but on the other hand I think it’s silly. I also sometimes think that associating with a nationality that you weren’t born into and don’t live in is silly but most of us do it anyway. Remembering are roots and so forth.
There have only been two times that nationality however has been a problem for me. In college my dorm mates were two other irish-american girls and a russian girl. Now everything was fine until one of my room mate’s father died. Now everything was kosher until the russian room mate (who was an inconsiderate person which all more has to do with being a spoiled inconsiderate rich girl than it does with being russian) said that all irish men were drunken bastards who beat their wives. it more offensive more so because of her poor judgment and bad timing.
the second I was in france for a student exchange program. while in their literature class the teacher was discussing the racism in american from the civil war to the human rights campaign. he went on to tell the class that most americans were racist and that it was still a huge problem in america today. now this caused a lot of students to become angry at us (the american exchange students). we had to try to explain that while racism still exists, not all americans are racists. needless to say it caused some problems.
so that’s my late night two cents.
I am half Filipina and half Japanese.
Since some ignorant people cannot differentiate between Asian countries, they think “ALL” Asians eat cats and dogs.
During my sophmore year in U.S History, I was teased for doing horrible things for what the generations did before me. i.e Kamikaze and the killing of many innocent Chinese. Just recently, in my French Class, we were playing charades on nationality and this guy got Japanese. He did all the stereotypes, pulled his eyes back, small wee wee, and the kung-fu kick. My teacher knows I’m half Japanese, all she did was stop using the nationalities for the game and moved onto another subject.
I still get the stereotype commenets such as:
bad driver
EVERY Asian knows martial arts
I am fluent in every other Asian language
smart.
A funny situation is people mistaken me for being Mexican (first and last name sounds very hispanic) and people are shocked when I speak Japanese well. My school gave an award for being Native American to me and my sister, I told my counselor I’m not Native American. She just told me to keep it, it’s an award. :D
It’s been so interesting not just reading the article you posted but also all of the comments.
And I just submitted the first sentence of my comment, sorry about that.
As far as stereotype go, I’m mostly stereotyped by the region I live in in Belgium. I live in West-Flanders which has always been considered a ‘backward’ region by other people. Frankly I don’t care.
As for Belgium, we’re supposed to be all drunks, rapists or we have no idea what a democracy is (as we managed to still function as a country without a government for 10 months).
It’s strange how people just somehow need to put everything and everyone in boxes. I wonder what they’re afraid of… that they might actually like the others?
:) well, even though i dont live in the USA and therefore i have the same ethnicity as the majority of people i see every day, i still feel the stereotypes haunting me in the internet!
I started chatting in several rooms in the net when i was just 14 years old and i remember being asked things as “isn’t Greece in Asia?” (it’s in Europe) “what language do you use there? English?” (Greek!..duuuh!)
After a while they would assume i am tanned all the time and have dark eyes and hair and imagined we are fanatic Christians and have flags of Greece everywhere in our houses! (e.g. my big fat greek wedding)
Its true that the greek community in the USA is very conservative (or was,until a few years ago) because they feel the need to continue with their motherland’s traditions without considering that time passes in Greece too, and that we are progressing along with the rest of the world!
I feel these are the results of ignorance, and the stereotype of the Americans (and noone deserves to live with one) is that they are pretty ignorant when it comes to other countries and a tiny bit of world History.
I am English and about to move over permanently to the US to live with my american fiancé (we both met and lived in france.)
I have spent quite a while over there on visits and am amazed by the questions i get (have you ever seen a horse before? what language do they speak in england?) but mostly my how small people percieve the UK to be.
The most common question is, ‘oh my uncle/cousin/friend from high school lives in England…James…do you know him?’ 60 million people live here so the chances aren’t good :) On seperate occasions I was also asked if I know JK rowling and David Beckham…
I’m Australian born with a mix of Indian, Irish, French, German and Portugese. It’s kind of cool – I have four brothers and sisters and none of us look alike – it’s like we got different parts of the different ethnicities. No-one ever picks us for siblings.
In the 80s and 90s, there was a reasonable amount of racism in Australia – ie for me and my darker siblings, we wouldn’t get served in shops, we had nasty remarks shouted at us in public, and I, personally, suffered isolation at school because no-one wanted to play with the dark girl.
I now have two little boys of my own. One is like me – dark skin, green eyes and dark hair. The other is like my husband – alabaster skin, blond hair and blue eyes. Once again, our mixed heritage has dealt some pretty odd cards.
It doesn’t seem to bother anyone that I am dark and my husband is white, or that our kids are different colours. Although my dad, who is very dark, always gets very odd looks when he carries my younger (white) son in public. Almost like ‘What in heck are you doing with that white baby’. It’s kinda funny because my ‘white’ baby spends so much time with my dad that he automatically gravitates to darker people – almost like he sees them as his own! I love that he is so unaware of his own skin in a society that is so obsessed with it.
I hated being different when I was young. Now I love it. And I’m so determined to raise my boys to embrace their differences and embrace others the same way.
Great post, Xenia. Personally, I could care less what nationality you are – you’re just super-duper fabulous!
perhaps a hurtful issue is to be born in a country, and yet still be regarded in society as not deserving enough to be recognised as that nationality, just because physical appearance is different.
It doesn’t matter where you’re from or where you are, you always get the exact same thing =] I’m an American girl living in England, and I always get asked why I’m here. I don’t actually know why =s Work, the economy, quality of life? Obviously not.. I consider myself be a New Yorker still, but I’ve been here for 10 years.
Born and bred in Singapore, I was used to the kind of attention I got, after some time I was tired of people focusing on the fact that I am half Japanese (even more I think, because I don’t look Japanese), which is why sometimes I outright refuse to explain why I have my name, or just say “It is a mystery!” I’d entertain questions if I felt like it, but nowadays I just smile and move on to another topic. It’s been awkward for me at times, but I try to take it in stride.
I would guess people ask questions because they are curious – but I only wish they asked other questions or worded them in a different manner. My boyfriend’s parents knew I was brought up in a different culture, and made sure they weren’t stepping over boundaries or making me uncomfortable. In return I was open, honest and more than happy to answer their questions. I think just being open to asking different questions and hearing from the person rather than just placing your own assumptions onto them (whether directly or through the questions) makes a huge difference.
I’m 100% Scottish. So I guess I’m a ginger, haggis loving, tight fisted, kilt wearing type of gal. I also live in a castle.
I personally blame the film “Braveheart” for about 80% of Scottish stereotypes. I also find it really bizarre how Americans love to link themselves to Scotland and Ireland. My dads aunts cousin was Scottish so I’ve got a Scottish heritage….
my nationality is australian, and my ethnicity is basically half northern european mongrel (english, french, danish and so on), a quarter irish and a quarter unknown. my grandmother was born in vancouver and adopted out to wales when she was a baby, during wwII, so there are pretty much no records aside from her name at birth having been roberta cole and the fact that her father was very tall. we assume it’s jewish, since we’ve been told cole is a jewish name.
my father only found this out after he turned 50 and is still a rampant stereotype, saying ‘oy’ at every opportunity and bitching like there’s no tomorrow. that might be more of a grumpy old man stereotype than anything, though.
despite being basically a white kid I still have people assuming I’m spanish or arabic sometimes. my mother has black hair and easily tanned skin despite being very irish. I dunno.
I live in a less-than-tolerant state (not the mention country), so usually is someone asks I just say ‘mongrel’. and living in an area where almost everyone is white, by the time the hundredth person uses ‘being irish’ as an excuse for being stupid you kind of stop asking. plus, I grew up in the torres straits and got beat up for being one of the five white kids out of 400, so the latent racism attached with being australian kind of pisses me off. black jokes are not funny when your cousins are papua new guinean.
Even within Canada, there are steryotypes about other Canadians (AKA anyone from Quebec) which seems quite idiotic to me.
I was born in Quebec, and am quite proud of the fact, despite being called a “Frog” multiple times. However, the assumtion is that I speak fluent french, hate the rest of Canada, and have poor hygiene. None of which is true.
In general, Canadians are expected to live in igloos, have pet beevers, and view hockey as a religion. Going down south is never a fun thing, as there are quite a few people who have this weird hate on for Canadians.
Steryotypes in general are very hurtful things. In my opinion, race plays no part in anything. It doesn’t matter what colour your skin is, your hair is, or your eyes are. It’s your actions that speak the loudest.
Great post, Xenia. :]
Well, I’m from Singapore, in which it’s quite a cosmopolitan city in Southeast Asia, lots of different races and cultures coming together.
But the most annoying stereotype that I see around is that the Chinese nationals that come over to work are not highly regarded; people see them as scammers or hookers who break up families. Which isn’t true most of the time.
Yeah, as well as the idea that if you are married to a Vietnamese/Filipino woman, they are most likely mail order brides.
While I am not a particularily ‘unusual’ ethnicity in England, in fact, I’m Welsh and English, being Welsh and proud leads to lots of negative stereotypes. People make jokes about inbreeding and our apparent preference for having sex with sheep, they assume we are all simple because of the lilt of the Welsh accent, despite my not having one, having been in England most of my life.
The biggest stereotypes I face are not associated with my ethnicity, but instead my physical appearance. I am 5ft 11, so assumed butch, and often gay, or seen as a natural domme, someone who is intimidating or violent, which I am not. I am a natural blonde, so seen as dumb and girly, while I make the odd mistake like many, I have just completed a university degree and am in the higher eschelons of the IQ range.
I am also partially deaf. This is the stereotype that causes me the most pain. I do not tend to tell people about my hearing unless necessary, I lipread and find it a struggle to communicate properly in loud places or clubs and bars because of the nature of a group of people. People see me as rude for asking them to repeat things and laugh at me and ask ‘are you deaf?’, when I reply that I am, they simply laugh and carry on regardless of the fact that I cannot participate in their conversations. People see it as a humerous medical problem, they talk how they image deaf people would, despite the fact that I am quite eloquent and have the same accent they do. They tend to ask what else is wrong with me, why I don’t have a hearing aid and rudely ask why I am deaf, not thinking that these are questions I have been asked thousands of times and have rehearsed answers for.
I’m 100% Mexican, I’m first Generation Mexican American, and you would never notice. I’m well spoke, eloquent and soon to be in Graduate School. My father and mother were both Migrant farmworkers moving between Texas and Michigan, so I have lots of roots in those two states. They both ended up graduating from Eastern Michigan University, and The University of Michigan. And have sent me, my brother and my sister to the 3 Major Michigan schools (I hail from Texas and moved to Michigan for school). I have never had a problem with the majority population of America, since I do not sound any way ethnic (or Texan for that matter) or look ethnic (light tan skinned and dark hair). But it was within my own race do I receive the most criticism.
I’ve been called “Coconut” (white on the inside Brown on the Outside) for the majority of my success that I have had in my life. Or say that I’m not a Mexican because I’m too well dressed, well spoken, gone to college, or have a job. And for the most part, I’ve never been able to enjoy my ethnicity fully because somehow my success has always brought shame to my fellow Mexicans. I am Proud to be Mexican, even if I’m not a socially accepted stereotype.
The one area that I did get a lot of problems from majority American though is being Texan. You know how many times I got asked if I had a Horse!? (“Yes, Her name is Elantra and she’s a Hyundai” Would be my answer). Or if I were allowed to carry a gun to school, or if my Police road horses (this is actually true, look up the Texas Rangers, and no Walker isn’t one of them). My favorite though was, “Have you met Chuck Norris!?” A noteable Texan, but I would shock them with my answer “Yes I have, at a shoot when I was a model where I had to play a part of the Boys and Girl’s Club of America!” But somehow what bothers me is if Someone lived in Dallas, and I was from HOuston, and someone asked me if I knew that person (?????) I’d just tell them that Dallas and Houston are 5 hours away from each other and about two tottaly different cities. Oh well, it happens with people ask you about being Texan.
I’m Croatian yet really don’t look like a “typical Croatian” (i.e. dark hair, pointy nose, brown eyes, etc.) and so some people tell me I have an accent and ask if I’m from Greece or Sweden. And when I tell them I’m Croatian they have no idea where that is. I don’t personally get stereotyped that much but I do get annoyed when people don’t know where Croatia is and also when people assume that it’s a poverty-ridden country.
This has been very interesting – not just the article but the comments too.
I’m Scottish and living in Scotland, although since my Grandad traced our roots I have found out that my paternal side is Scandanavian and that I have Romany blood on my mothers side. This is pretty far back though so I guess I’m just Scottish.
I don’t get a lot of stereotyping where I live, but other countries seem to think that Scottish people, especially in cities such as the one I live (where, admittedly, we have an extremely high rate of alcoholism, poverty,drug abuse and teen pregnancy) that everyone is a junkie, alcoholic teen mother that lives in the ‘schemes’ – or poor areas.
Although I have to admit that all the problems listed above are widespread in Scotland, I don’t like that people assume I will be uneducated, knocked up at 15, a heavy drinker or that I take drugs. None of these are true.
There are good qualities associated with Scottish people too though – we are considered one of the friendliest countries in the world and are known for our history of inventors (penecillin etc.)
So it’s sometimes not that bad. :)
Interesting read and interesting comments, too!
I’m an all American mutt – German, Irish, Norwegian, Finnish, Native American (Sioux). My family has been here for generations, but not sure how many. I look like a typical white girl and my two littles are all blonde hair and blue eyes (They will be adding Swedish to their mutt-ness).
I grew up in a smaller town, so I didn’t get much exposure to different ethnicities. My kids have little friends that are Asian, Indian, African-American. I have hope that they won’t see a person’s skin color and ever think of them as different.
That is a wonderful article! I’m so glad you found it and posted it for us to read! I am an American “mutt” (not sure I like that term at all), but mostly Irish-Lebanese and proud of it. I self-identify as Irish-Lebanese American, not white, which sometimes confuses people when I correct them. It annoys me when people say “You don’t look Lebanese.” and give me skeptical looks. Adoption seems to be a much more confusing topic than I thought and I often am embarrassed to tell someone else’s adoption story in order to explain my own ethnicity. It’s not my story to tell, in my opinion.
I love how you say Xenia in Russian. Sounds much more beautiful than in English. My great grandfather’s second wife was Xenia. He had many connections to Russia, his grandmother was of Russian decent too, though her name was Nadia. Because of that we also have Nadeschda (not entirely sure on how you write that) in the family.
Born and raised on Long Island. My race is white. But I’m a mutt basically. German, Irish, Italian, Russian, and English. Actually I can remember that growing up when I was asked in school what I was(basically because that’s what people do when you live in a mostly white town) and I mentioned that I was all those things kids were like, “wow, that’s a lot”. I didn’t realise that most kids had maybe two different ethnicities max.
So the best part about my ethnic background is that you’d probably never guess what I was. First, I look German. The whole blonde hair blue eyes thing, yeah, I have that. But it’s dirty blonde(it got darker as I got older, but I used to be white blonde up until about the 4th grade). Second, my name is Italian. My last name is Nicosia, which is actually the town in Sicily where my family came from. And it never fails that no one can pronounce it, ever(kinda sounds like nick-ko-sea-uh, I’m not very good with phonetic spelling). I don’t look Russian at all and the only Irish-ness and English-ness I have going for me is that I’m white. But because I’m also Italian, I tan and don’t burn, and I’m not super pale.
And I never face really bad and degrading stereotypes, and it’s honestly because I’m white, which is stupid and unfair to everyone else and I know this but unfortunately that is how people behave. I hate it and trust me, I try to do the best I can to get other people educated and I try to stop them from being ridiculously ignorant.
I only get the lame normal joking stereotypes that come along with my ethnic background. Italian- mafia, lots of food, etc. Irish- drunk (I actually don’t like drinking at all so that’s funny…and yes, I can legally drink) German- the whole Aryan thing, Nazi, yada-yada. And nobody ever comments on my English or Russian background.
The one stereotype that I’m actually worried about has nothing to do with my ethnic background. My boyfriend is Korean. And the one thing I don’t want to get stereotyped as is one of those white girls who has like an asian fetish or only eats Korean food BECAUSE of my boyfriend, not because I honestly actually like it.
And I’m actually worried that once we get married and have a family, that I’ll be out with our kids alone and I really think that someone will just assume that because I’m white and I have an asian-looking child (because odds are in favour of my boyfriend’s more dominant genes) that I adopted them. Because really, there are not that many white women marrying asian men and I’m not sure many people can even name one white lady/asian guy couple they know personally. I think that it doesn’t occur to most people to think that a white woman with an asian child could have an asian husband. Their minds would just automatically jump to “the baby is adopted”. So thank you hollywood for never having strong asian male figures in your non-martial arts movies and for making white men get the asian girl and making the asian man look weak in comparison. Really, just good job hollywood for making inter-racial couples non-existent in general unless it’s a white man with a non white woman./rant