There’s one issue that rolls around the holidays every year, and it affects most women I know: body image. With all the festivities going on and amazing food accompanying them, we worry about gaining weight – which, frankly, kills the holiday glee!
Prompted by British Style Bloggers‘ Fashion Activism Campaign, I wanted to talk about dealing with self-image. As a model, the pressure to stay thin can be tremendous – all the food looks irresistible but the thought of not fitting into an outfit is scary and embarrassing. You really can’t win: not eating makes you feel deprived & eating makes you feel guilty. Sound familiar, anyone? This emotional yo-yoing can take a toll on your self-esteem and cost you your confidence.
The truth is that no matter how confident we may appear on the outside, body image is something we all feel strongly about. Some of the fittest and most beautiful people I know all have insecurities pertaining to their body. If you ask me, if has less to do with the media than some would want us to believe – we just want to be loved and wanted, and being fit & attractive is one way of achieving it! But there’s another: confidence. More often than not, the way we carry ourselves plays a way more important role than our waist measurement.
Erica, leader of Team Candyfuture
My friend and assistant Erica is a major inspiration to me. Some people might call her ‘pudgy’, but that doesn’t stop Erica from being the most gleeful, positive, warmest person I’ve ever met! Let’s face it: none of us are 100% satisfied with our looks. But, if you take good care of yourself and present yourself with confidence, you will always make a fantastic impression!
A girl from ModelMayhem emailed me today (also a model), congratulating me on posting my real weight and measurements on my profile. For some reason it never occurred to me that one could post fake information on that site. It’s like submitting a picture of your hot cousin on a dating site – never works and always backfires. The first step to fighting an insecurity is facing it. That’s right, own up to it babe! If you’ve gained a couple pounds, have a large nose, frizzy hair, or crooked teeth, let’s say it out loud! But the twist is, you must add “so what!” to it. Doesn’t it feel so liberating???
The second step is realizing that just because you have this particular flaw, it’s not the end of the world. Having big hips doesn’t automatically prevent you from getting a boyfriend/girlfriend & being happy – poor self-esteem does. Being short doesn’t mean you’ll never be taken seriously – being afraid to speak up does. Life is a constant movement of things – some within, some outside our control – and if we can affect change in some way, we should. Once you have stated your flaws and decided you are still unhappy about them, don’t be afraid to do something about it. It’s within you.
In closing, I’d like to share a photo from one of the happiest moments in my life: Christmas with my family. This photo was taken last year and incidentally, captures me at my curviest. I’m pudgy – so what! :D
Deerlings: I encourage you all to post your imperfections + “So What!” in this thread, anonymously or not. Here’s to feeling good about ourselves!
wow that really does feel good!
I’ve got sucky skin. So what?
I’m also short, but I don’t think that one warrants a “so what” because I’ve always loved it :)
This is absolutely beautiful. I’ve been saying this for so long, yet have not quite learned to live by it myself. I think it wouldn’t be lovely if the world would “flaunt their flaws”.
- I am 5’7 and a little bit.
- I also weigh a good one hundred and ninety six pounds, and am a PROUD size thirteen!
- I have dancer’s stretch marks on the backs on my legs, and weight stretch marks on my sides.
- I have a “ghetto booty”, which I love very dearly.
- I have a birthmark on my forehead that I used to try and pick off.
After years of battling with depression, suicidal tendancies, eating disorders and poor self esteem, I can finally say I can accept myself to an extent. =)
Squid Reply:
December 24, 2009 at 11:30 am
I also have a ghetto booty but I’ve learned to accept it even though most people I go to school with barely have butts.
I have what I feel is an tremendous amount of body hair for a girl. It’s long and black and very annoying.
I usually manage to keep it under control, but if I ignore it for a week I feel like it goes crazy.
On the bright side I have naturally fantastic hair and long thick eyelashes. So it does have it’s perks.
Reading this made me feel so happy. I at many times feel the pressure to be perfect. I’ve come to accept and be cool with a lot of my flaws and imperfections but one of them still comes up from time to time. That is that I have a big funny shaped nose. But you know what so what ! I’m not going to stop showing my face though because of it I’m still beautiful.
I think these lyrics fit here perfectly:
And to the rest of the world
God gave you these shoes to fit you
So put ‘em on and wear ‘em
Be yourself, man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny
Don’t ever let anyone tell you you ain’t beautiful
Eminem – Beautiful
^__^
Tears rolling down my face. Doe, never stop what you’re doing here. The world needs you. <3
This post was like an early Christmas present! My weight issues have been out in full force for the past couple of weeks. Thank you for the much needed reality check. You’ve even inspired me to not be afraid of the inevitable family photos xo
I’m a fairly slim girl, but I don’t have very much muscle tone. So my belly and thighs jiggle, so what?!
I took up hoopdance recently, and I’m having so much fun and exercising at the same time. It’s helping me love my body, because I’ve never been that athletic, and it’s good to feel that my body can do something well.
In these situations I like to remind myself that those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind!
It’s really hard for anyone to just say “Hey, I look great!” but you’re right. We have to get past our flaws, because really, how can anyone else look past them, if we ourselves can’t. Once we realize that we’re beautiful, realize that our flaws are just a part of what makes us who we are, that’s when other people can see even more clearly the same things. And anyway, what’s a more beautiful accessory than self confidence? :)
I am short, small chested and have ‘gappy teeth’ and less-than-perfect skin. So what?! I’m still told how cute I am all the time. ^_^
What a great great post!!
I wish every girl and woman alive could read this and take it to heart!
In just the last several months, I realized two things-
One: I have gotten quite chubby!!
and Two: SO WHAT???
I decided that being concerned with my body image 24/7 had nothing over being as happy as can be! I think nearly every person who is concerned over their body image is not as happy as they could/should be, and it is a shame!
They say that there is a certain weight you should be for you height and age and stuff… but I think that is rubbish! Everyone can’t be the same weight, it would be so boring!! I believe some of us were made to be beautiful, curvaceous women!
I also have really big legs and ankles… but my thighs dimple when I sit down, and it’s cute! =)
Also, I sucked on my thumb until I was six, so it pulled all my front teeth forward, making them stick out all bucky… and I used to get teased for it…. But I don’t really care!
SO WHAT???
BrassBird <3 <3 <3
BrassBird Reply:
December 22, 2009 at 9:54 pm
On second thought, I don’t know if I would even be considered “chubby”… I’m about 5’4″ or so, and probably over 140 lbs.
Doe, you should look at this blog!!
This lady runs her own corset business and is BE-YOO-TIFUL!
http://damseldress.blogspot.com/
Doe Deere Reply:
December 23, 2009 at 12:09 am
She is gorgeous – and so are her corsets!
I have alopecia and I show it off wherever I go!
Alopecia is a condition in which your white blood cells attack your hair follicles causing your hair not to grow. There are three different types, Alopecia Areata where you get patches of bald spots on your head (This one I have). Alopecia Total where you loose your total head of hair. And Alopecia Universal where you loose all your body hair.
When I tell people about my bald spot, they ask me to show them and I’m not ashamed to. Its on the back of my head, and the only problem I have is I LOVE short hair, and that’s just not probable right now. But you know what, Alopecia makes me feel unique, and eventhough my hair is growing back, I know one day I’ll have another bald spot to show off!
Sally Reply:
December 22, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Melinda-
My friend also had a bald spot, loved to show it off !
I also thought you would like to see this photo shoot of gorgeous, completely bald women.
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-beautiful-and-bald/?eref=RSS
Melinda Reply:
December 23, 2009 at 12:34 am
Completely inspiring! It really isn’t shameful to be bald! My former college roommate had cancer at 16 and when I found out about my alopecia, all I had to remind myself that she had to go through this at 16, not 25. I emailed the article to her, because I know she’d appreciate it!
Thanks for sharing!
Wonderful post!
Stretchmarks from childbirth, and rivermap veiny legs – so? what?
I’m plain, pudgy ’round the middle, big hipped and uber pale with freckles. SO WHAT?!
This post totally brightened my day, Thanks Doe!
i have been gaining and losing weight my whole life. right now, it feels like i am at my heaviest, a curvacious 180 lbs. everything is big, but so what!
in truth, i havent felt sexier in a long time
^_^
I used to work as an assistant for a successful television actress. I’ll leave out names, but you might recognize the story anyway. She became successful as a pencil-thin bombshell, but at the cost of her health. She’s a naturally curvy woman – all “T&A” if you know what I mean. The same features that made her sexy – big boobs, a round booty – made her prone to being bigger than the Hollywood norm.
She never became fat in the sense most of us mean it, by the way. But she became “Hollywood fat” – meaning not a size 0. And her body wasn’t meant for the superskinny figure. She stopped taking constant pills and prescriptions and starving herself, and put on a few pounds. The hypocritical media went insane.
What I want to tell you, however, is the impact on her as a person. A real, live, caring human being. Directors talked about her thighs as if they were rotten meat in a shot. “GET HER BEHIND THE SOFA! OH MY GOD I STILL SEE THEM!” Tabloids reported horrible lies about stealing food from other diners at a restaurant and other nonsense. Everywhere she went there were jokes, photos, lies and stories about her weight. And it nearly killed her.
We’re talking about a world-class beauty, inside and out. It was horrible to see her go through so much pain for a few pounds that she had to gain to be healthy. She began to doubt herself and had a series of procedures. Lip plumping, lipo, tummy tuck. All painful, all unnecessary. You’d never know it when you see her on tv today, but her lips rejected the collagen. She was rushed in for emergency surgery and was left with a scar from the tip of one cupid’s bow to her nostril. After corrective surgeries and scar treatment, she still wears heavy concealer to hide a slightly crooked smile.
You all should know she was beautiful through it all. It was the opinions and cruel jabs of other people that made her doubt herself. She’s stronger today, and more confident in her size and in all of her features, but getting there was horrible. So for anyone out there fretting about fat, stretch marks, an unusual nose or some other little detail that isn’t to your liking – YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And don’t let anyone make you feel less than you are – you are a perfect creature, built the way nature intended, a gorgeous work of creation, warts and all.
Doe Deere Reply:
December 23, 2009 at 12:04 am
What a bone-chilling story. Thank you so much for sharing, I think it will open many girls’ eyes.
LenaA.K.A.Mom Reply:
December 24, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Amazing story, thank you for sharing.
A lesson to learn for all of us.
I have a large nose, i’m pale, I have more body hair than any famale ever should have, I have small breasts, big hips and a larger-than-average rear end. I’m unhealthily thin no matter how much I eat. But, you know what? That makes me me.
I have scars. Everywhere.
So what?
Doe Deere Reply:
December 23, 2009 at 12:01 am
You are incredibly brave & I salute you for saying this.
I’ve had an eating disorder since I was thirteen. I’ve kept it pretty much under control for a year and a half, but I’m still underweight: 5’4″ and 95lbs. I am not proud of it, but it seems like no matter how many cupcakes I eat, I just can’t seem to gain weight. Everybody always tells me I “should model” solely because I’m skinny. I can’t stand it, to be honest. I’ve wanted curves and breasts as long as I can remember. I feel like pedophile bait, and my weight makes me unattractive. And no, I can’t go eat a sandwich.
I’m in serious overweight but I just LOVE myself!!
And I hat diets!
YOU are SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!
I think Erica looks so beautiful.
So do you, Doe.
<3 Thank you. I really needed this today.
Im 5′ tall and I weigh 165 pounds. I feel fat a lot of the time but I’ve spent most of my life trying to feel good about myself. Even when I was a good size I felt fat. I’ve lost a little bit of weight recently but my aim is to be comfortable with myself. To be naked and not be embarrassed about any of my flaws.
I have a belly, so what?? Everyone has a belly… except for my friend Javi but e’s stick thin so he doesn’t count :)
Being a young mother(not that young I was 24!), I understand what many girls go through with body image. My hips grew permanently by three inches thanks to natural spreading during pregnancy (I used to be a size 3 then I got up to size 11 and now I am a happy size 7), my boobs will sag if I don’t wear a bra at all times (I used to be so tiny I didn’t have to wear one), and it took a while to accept the fact that for me to be happy I had to just go with the flow. I lost the weight naturally by eating and exercising and I’m finally at my perfect (after baby) weight with enough curve to feel a little plump AND pretty. Alot of people tell me that a baby was the best thing for me, as one co-worker put it “Before the baby you had no boobs and looked like a skinny little stick…now you look like a WOMAN.” I cant argue with that.
I am 5’1″ and Pre-baby: 98lbs Bra:34A
After-baby (5 years later): 130lbs Bra: 36B
you have no idea how much i needed this. in the last few months, i’ve taken myself down 30-40 pounds and 4 dress sizes, finally removing me from the realm of plus sized clothing. but here it is the holiday season and gloriously fattening foods tempt me from every corner! i’ve been doing well so far, but i was beginning to feel that yo-yoing…so here goes!
i am much taller than anyone i work with
i have an exaggerated pear shape
my eyes are kind of close together
i have recently developed D cups and have no idea how to dress them!
…
SO WHAT!
*gleeful sigh*
I wish I could say so what about having an extremely lazy eye, but it gets brought up too much for me to. I admire this post though, and all of your comments thus far. I hope to one day be able to say so what.
“Pudgy”? Both of you are gorgeous!
I really love this article, I’m gonna go share it with my friends right now! :D
And let’s see…… I have thick thighs and a fat face……….. SO WHAT?! :DDDD
This post reminded me of this blog by Carlin.
http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/carlin/2009/12/it-really-shocking-britney-murphy-pill-popped-starved-herself-death
so i have like NO boobs
so what no one cares
except loser guys, but who cares about them, right?
besides, it just means i’d have more fun playing minigolf without them in the way~ :D
holidays definetly make my weight gain seem more obvious. Idky. my bf could care less and so does everyone else. but for some reason I get all self conscious. Then again I realize that during the holidays I don’t gain that much. just maybe five lbs. That I easily lose when summer rolls around. Maybe its the cold weather and that lack of activity due to it. But I suddenly realized that I still feel good abt my body even though I’m not my usual weight. Rather not worry abt it since I’d rather have fun and enjoy the time with my loved ones. Though I think I need to take in more water so I don’t get sick.
I’m acquainted with a gal who’s seventeen and looks like an ostrich- six feet tall, skinny, giant eyes- her look screams high fashion. She tried the whole model gig, and was told that she’d have to lose a few pounds (they’re crazy, she’d have to cut off a leg to lose weight). 99% of the seventeen-year-olds I’ve met would have beat themselves up, or started popping Adderall. She told them to go to hell, because she wanted to be able to eat a donut if she felt like it. I wish I could have liked myself that much at seventeen.
When the world doesn’t seem so nice, I come here. You’re all so inspiring and kind. <3
I’ve always been the biggest girl in my class – so what? ^^
Being a teenager (16) it makes one feel like you have to fit in a certain scheme- I’m proud to say that I hate fitting in. I like to stand out, but I prefer if people judge me based on who I am, not what I look like.
Well, I used to be chubby but fit, I played volleyball, I danced, then I had a short time where I started worrying about my weight. I stopped exercising, and I wondered why I gained weight :)
But, I finally decided 2 years ago that nobody will make me cry ever again because they make fun of me. When someone said to me “You’re fat!”, I added “and I have crooked nose”, smiled charmingly and walked away. Everybody was shocked at how freely I can talk about what imperfections I have. And, I am happy with them :)
I accidenatly found a healthy-living themed forum, read a lot, and decided, that I want to be healthy and fit again (since I started to have problems with walking 4 floors up to home ^^) I made a decision, and I sticked to it. I do eat what I want if I want to, I do not live on vegetables, because they simply don’t appeal to me :) I just try to eat less of products that make me feel bad, and I fell back in loe with any kind of exercise- running,dancing, PE lessons, you name it, I like it ^^.
I would really like all the teenage girls who are slim and pretty to think, before they start diets. I know a few girls who don’t eat almost at all, and they think they are fat. I feel bad that there is someone who can not enjoy themselves just the way they are, and don’t believe people who say they are amazing.
LenaA.K.A.Mom Reply:
December 24, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Dear Kitexx,
Could you please share the forum link with us?
Kitexx Reply:
December 26, 2009 at 8:07 am
Well, unfortunately it’s a Polish forum, and it has many sub-forums like fashion, makeup, diets, fitness.
If someone would like to see it and knws Polish, the adress it http://wizaz.pl/forum .
I’m too short, my feet are too small and I’ve got a tummy! SO WHAT :D ?
I like curves! Really, I begin to like them more and more. Im not overweighted but also not really slim but I really find myself pretty. I have no clue where that comes from cause I have been bullied for years and I have had a very low self-esteem. But, time passed, and I can now stand up for myself and I found my inner me.
Heathre Reply:
December 23, 2009 at 5:44 pm
I love curves too! Love handles are rad!
Thanks for this! I’m constantly worried about my weight & my tallness.
I wish the world would think like this instead of being obsessed with looks-our own & each others.
I have large feet. So what? And large hips. So what?
I’ve always know I’m not perfect, but i’ve always accepted it, and it has never bothered me, ’cause I am confident in myself, and I know I’m still good looking in general.
SO WHAT? ^^
I have small breasts, big hips and gapped teeth. So what?!
I still have so much confidence and style that it just adds to my appearance instead of dragging it down.
I believe everybody can look good as long as they feel good.
I think this is my favorite post from you. It’s very inspirational to me because I have the same height and weight as what you have listed on your profile, and I didn’t even realize it until now. My confidence has jumped quite high in minutes because I can now see that I can be curvy and still beautiful like you! I have a “small” bust, wide hips, and a curvy body! So what!!
Listen, only “pudgy” people are allowed to say that they’re pudgy. It sounds ridiculous any other way
Wow, this was amazing, really. Thank you for posting this! And I have some fat on my stomach, blah blah… SO WHAT! Like you said, there’s always something about ourselves that we won’t like. But we can’t always fix all of it. So we have to face who we are. And that this makes us who we are. I mean, if we all had the perfect body, and all had the same figure – how boring would that be? This is how we were made. And we’ve got to except it =]
Hey guys, check out this cool fashion spread:
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/42326516.html
Colleen Reply:
December 23, 2009 at 11:34 am
They’re beautiful Doe. Thanks for the wonderful message, it really helps the self-esteem. As for the fashion spread, Crystal Renn really makes the clothes look better. (:
Moiria Reply:
December 23, 2009 at 2:29 pm
i love this! I think both girls look fabulous!
Well…I have really small breasts and kinda round hips… :/ but I have killer eyes and my bone structure is admitedly to die for…I feel beautiful and the rest of the world thinks so too! ;)
Being a semi-retired professional equestrian, the pains of staying slim, trim, and in shape still haunt me. When I was younger, I can specifically remember cutting foods like red meat, most fast foods, and worst of all, sugar from my diet. I had a custom-tailored riding suit that cost my parents a small fortune to have made, and at the age of 13, it was made clear that I was not to put on any extra pounds for risk of not being able to fit into this suit. I exercised fanatically (I remember running up at least 7 flights of stairs at the metrodome in Minneapolis at least 20 times a day on the days my dad would work–from the field to the top, then back down, then back up, then back down etc.) on top of having a rigorous riding schedule to make sure that I was going to have that “competitive edge and show ring savvy” we younger riders all dream of having. Now that I’ve retired, I’ve definitely put on some pounds! I still look slim, but its no longer coming as natural as it used to for me, and I rely on lots of tricks from fashion to help hide some of my weight. Your post was absolutely brilliant to read, but I wasn’t sold until you said “Once you have stated your flaws and decided you are still unhappy about them, don’t be afraid to do something about it. It’s within you.” Bravo! Any hopes of fitting into that custom suit are long gone, and after 12 years, I would certainly hope this was the case! But I’m definitely feeling motivated to slim down a bit and get ready for next show season–and maybe get some new riding clothes that are more suited to my new and improved non-13 year old body!
I have crooked teeth, small boobs, huge hips and a little belly, SO WHAT! I’m a bit egotistical so I’m always happy with what I have :) I used to be skinny a time ago, but I was going through a really hard time in life… now I’m pudgy and a lot more happy person :D !
This is such a great post — I’m glad you spoke out about a subject that troubles so many women (and some men, too).
As for me, I’m not sure why I stopped caring about my weight and body type around the time I turned 30, but I did. The anxiety and stress just melted away. Sure my butt might be a little flabby and yes, I have a few wrinkles, but life is so short and I don’t want to spend it being down on myself.
I wish the average person knew the insane amount of retouching that goes into all the fashion and beauty photos out there. We all have flaws, even celebrities, but we’re all beautiful, too, and that’s where the focus should be.
Thanks again!
Doe – you inspired me to write a blog entry about self-image myself.
http://disposabledarling.com/blog/2009/12/23/body-image/
Thanks, dear!
Squid Reply:
December 24, 2009 at 11:47 am
That was a lovely article and it really made me think of some things I say to my skinnier friends. I’m not particularly mean or anything but I realize I have no right to continually call people lucky for their natural slimness.
Disposable Darling Reply:
December 24, 2009 at 3:05 pm
I’m glad you liked it. Oh, I’m sure you don’t mean it, I don’t think anyone who ever said something to me did, either. I think it’s just all relative. I was always wanting to gain weight when my friends wanted to get thinner, so they didn’t really see things my way. And they were always saying that I barely ate, and stuff that just wasn’t true, but it was just meant to be funny. But no one would ever make comments like that to a person who was overweight, you know?
Doe Deere Reply:
December 26, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, love. I know it can be hard to maintain a healthy self-image sometimes, but you are making a fantastic effort towards it. <3
i live in South Dakota and its getting down below 0 on some days here! so i’m thankful that I’ve put on a few pounds from having babies. I’m much warmer now.
I think its still important to take care of your body and be fit but everyone has to remember that its their own body they are taking care of and they will never have someone else’s body. love yourself and take care of yourself, every beautiful curve!!
5’4 and 145lbs! so what!!!
i have incredibly small boobs for my age. i’m a teen, and still an A cup
Squid Reply:
December 24, 2009 at 11:50 am
Me too. *sigh* SO WHAT! That felt good to say.
Doe Deere Reply:
December 26, 2009 at 10:50 pm
I think I’m still an A/sometimes B cup and totally love it actually!
i’ve got a big lopsided nose, frizzy hair, acne, a ton of scars, and no definition to my jawline – so what! i’m still sexy :P