My parents have this set future for me. I know it’s something that involves being a lawyer, doctor, or business major because that’s what my parents have always associated into my life. The problem is that I really do not want to go into that field. Sure, I am qualified for it [4.0 GPA and top 5 of class] but I don’t want to see my future as me doing something that I don’t love.

Ever since I was little, I have been intrigued by makeup. It wasn’t until recently that I started to collect my own: from MAC to Stila, my collection has grown to a mass amount. So what’s the problem? Although my mom would let me do what made me happy even though she would be disappointed in me, I know that if I decided to major in makeup, my dad would most likely disown me and refuse to pay for college. I know this seems a bit dramatic, but from past experiences, I know it would happen. He has always limited my mom in her search for the perfect job and we have always been kept in a tight bubble. I know his intentions are good but I think we should be able to learn from our own mistakes and bloom on our own. When I took up singing and ice skating, I had to hide it from my dad. When I want to auditions and competitions, my dad was never there. When I finally told him that I got an agent and potential record deal, he told me that I could not succeed and that I might as well focus on school.

I’m kind of scared to tell him my interests in makeup, design and fashion but I know it will come out some time. I know that I want this so much that I am willing to have a job to support myself. All I really want is approval from my dad for once, so how do I tell him? Should I not and hope I change my interests?

Kaitlen

Dear Kaitlen,

From your last name, I’m assuming that you are Asian. Unfortunately, Asian parents – especially fathers – can sometimes be authoritative and overbearing. They have a set vision of how they want their kids to turn out and often leave no room for exploration and experimenting. It’s saddening, and makes me appreciate my liberal upbringing all the more.

This not to say that your situation is only specific to your background. It is natural for all children to want approval from their parents. I’m 27, and it still kills me to see my mother upset with me. But constantly chasing parental approval – anyone’s approval, really – can turn one into an extremely unhappy person and is rarely worth it. Sure, we want our parents to like us, but in the end, it’s your life and how you live it is up to you.

Your dream of becoming a makeup artist is achievable. One of the major misconceptions about makeup artistry is that you need to go to a cosmetology school to learn it. You don’t. In fact, the best makeup artists I know (Pat McGrath, Kevin Aucoin, Lottie Stannard) are all self-taught! The skill itself is easy to obtain – how hard is it to learn where to put eyeshadow and blush? – but it’s the creativity factor that will propel you. I define creativity as the amount of aesthetic taste multiplied by good old-fashioned discipline (which you clearly possess, judging from your 4.0 GPA). Creativity cannot be learned in school – but it can, and should, be practiced on your own.

Having said this, I still think you should go to college – just because you have the opportunity. Besides, it’s a great way to “feed the wolves and spare the sheep”: your father doesn’t need to know you’re practicing makeup while in college. You can be a business major and do everyone’s makeup on the campus. You could be a makeup artist with background in family medicine. Even now, you should offer your skills to school theater, just to get started, gain some experience and get a feel for what it’s like.

Yes, we may never be able to make our parents 100% happy. But it’s ok, because as long as we are living a life of fulfillment and are genuinely happy, our parents should be able see it. Even your father might understand your choice eventually and come out supportive. I wish you the best on your journey, Kaitlen.

For the record: I don’t think all Asian parents are overbearing, or even strict. Kaitlen’s ethnic background has nothing to do with the advice. However, I felt the need to bring it up because there are lots of other Asian girls who are going through the same thing and could probably relate.

Deerlings: did you ever have to deal with an unsupportive parent? How did you deal?

Got a question for Doe Deere? Submit it to doedeere @ gmail. com.