Kate Moss as Lolita
Once at a party on the rooftop of Metropolitan Museum, I spied an odd couple: a modelesque woman in a backless dress sipping champagne nonchalantly, and her male friend. Her frock and gold strappy stilettos suggested she wasn’t a day over 25, but her salt-and-pepper hair and wrinkles told a different story. She must have been a retired model or a former socialite in her 60s. To add insult to injury, she was – the horror! the horror! – flirting with a much younger man.
I wasn’t the only one checking her out. People from all over the room were darting cautious looks, like she was some exotic animal who had been wheeled out into the town square for everyone to gawk at. Did she know she was being judged? Did she care?
Seeing an older woman dressed like a 20-something provoked a discussion amongst my group of friends. Was what she was doing such a crime? Did being 60 and a little wrinkled mean you were no longer allowed to be sexy? Did it automatically make you a grandma?
Someone dubbed her attire as being age-inappropriate. To understand what defines age-appropriate, I turned to google and ended up with hundreds of results – each article explaining how to dress your age (I know!). One aspect that fascinated me in particular was the amount of skin a woman is allowed to show as she goes through different stages of her life. We all hang loose as babies, but come toddler-escence, we must cover it up. We are stuck in this sartorial straight jacket until puberty, at which point all bets are off: low-cut dresses, mini-skirts and mid-riff baring tops are all good throughout adolescence and our 20s. And then we hit 30. Some of us may have our own happily-naked babies, others may not; but the skirt length inevitably extends by a few inches. And that hem will just keep getting longer and longer, until we slowly progress into total gram-glam.
Isn’t that depressing? Since when do we let our clothes reflect how long we’ve been around, instead of who we are?
I think the concept of age-appropriate dressing is silly. After all, what are the chances of one feeling exactly the same as their birth certificate says they are? People should dress how they feel, at this particular moment – and to hell with the reaction! One of my style icons, Betsey Johnson, dresses starkly inappropriate for her age – poofy skirts & neon fishnets at 66 – and she doesn’t give a flying duck, inspiring others to do the same. My mom has a red bomber jacket – lovingly dubbed the ‘mid-life crisis jacket’ – a nice F- you to the norm. :)
So, when posing a question whether we should dress age-appropriately, we need to ask ourselves WHEN. Ultimately, it comes down to how important it is for you to be true to yourself or fit in, in a particular situation. Attending a court meeting, job interview, or meeting your boy/girlfriend’s parents may be a good time to tone down it down so you appear as mature as possible; otherwise, I see no reason. Let your personality shine!
The woman at the Met was doing just that. She was there to have a good time at a party, in an outfit that made her feel young & flirty, and less like an old lady. Her dress wasn’t out of place; people quietly judging her were.
Yes, she knew it; and no, she didn’t care.
This article shows a model made to look ages 10 through 60 via makeup, hair styles and photographic angles (no photoshop). Peculiar read.
Deerlings: do you feel that you act and dress your own age, or are there discrepancies?
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Hmmm. I think some people act and feel younger than their chronological age, and can therefore generally pull off looks that are “younger” … but there are some folks who try to make themselves FEEL younger by dressing younger, and you can tell they’re not totally comfortable with what they’re doing. THOSE are the folks who attract snarky fashion police-type comments. And although the comments don’t help, or really provide anything but fabricated feelings of superiority for the commentors, anyone who is trying to present an appearance that clashes with who they truly are will set off alarms.
I say, dress the age you feel … but if you feel the age you are, there’s no shame in dressing like it.
I think Sal has it in one, if you have the confidence to wear something and feel comfortable in it, then short of it being a ridiculously bad choice, it will look good.
This is also the excuse I give for dressing like a 9 year-old one day and my mother the next! I don’t think it’s possible to be true to oneself, style-wise, if we’re always thinking too hard about what others will think. Obviously there’s an element of dressing for the occasion, smart for work, black-tie for the appropriate events, etc. but even under those restrictions, we need to wear what we feel comfortable in. It’s quite possible to stand out and sparkle without disobeying dress codes!
I think that people should dress age appropriately in that, it’s really disgusting when a 60 year old tries to look 20 and they have lose skin hanging out, and wrinkles, and over tanned skin and bleached blonde hair.
It just comes across as trying WAY TOO HARD to look like something they clearly are not.
They just need to accept they look older and dress nicely in a way that compliments what they actually have! That goes for anyone of any age. I hate when teenage girls dress all sleazy just because they can. It looks cheap.
Split Vote! When I dress for fun and for me, I would say i dress younger than I am, i seem younger than I am, I look younger than I am and my husband is 5 years younger than I am.
When I dress for work I feel like I dress older than I am but most likely I dress my age and just hate I because it makes me feel older than I feel naturally.
For the most part I think age-appropriate dressing is silly (I’m in my mid 30s and according to many articles I shouldn’t be wearing mini skirts anymore but I do) because if you look good, are in shape and feel good you should be able to wear what you want. HOWEVER, there are times where you should dress age appropriate. Those instances are: work (especially if you work in an office environment with a dress code and need to look professional) funerals etc…
♣ Sal
But is there something inherently wrong with dressing younger in order to feel younger?
♣ Vixel
Excellent point about sparkling without breaking dress-codes!
♣ Meli
I don’t think we can really *know* what one is about just by the way they dress. Also, everyone makes a mistake every once in a while, it’s ok. Older people dressing young and teenagers in revealing outfits might rub us the wrong way, but it doesn’t mean they should stop. I guess my point is that sometimes, doing what you feel like doing is more important than the reaction you will get.
PS. I also think a lot of women try to look younger by dressing more on the slutty side which isn’t really the way to do it. I’m thinking about all those older women from the show “What Not To Wear” who aren’t in the best of shape and wear super tight jeans, mini skirts, fringe boots and belly showing tops and show lots of cleavage. You can dress and look younger without looking like you just came out of a dance club at the age of 20. For myself I automatically look young for my age. I think being petite and super pale and pretty much wrinkle free helps. I get carded everywhere even tho I am in my 30s. People assume I just graduated college. So I can get away with dressing a bit younger then what the majority of people my age dress. But I do try to dress closer to my age at work. I have to look professional (I work in an office) so I dress that way. However I don’t wear suits. I never felt comfortable in a suit because whenever I try one on I feel like a 16 year old trying to look like an adult.
You need to put it into perspective….when We are 60, our peers will be as well. They will see us wearing the same things we always wore. They will have tattoos and piercings just like us. Its what our generation does. The ones that will judge us are the younger generation and they always will do that no matter what time or place or world we live in. The young and old will always judge eachother because we will always be different in some way.
Personally I dont care what people say. I dress for ME. I always will because it makes me happy. I hope one day I am the tattooed, red lipped, stilletto wearing granny that everyone talks about.
I never subscribed to that dress your age shpeal. Although, I do find it disheartening when I see little children dressing older than they are. It’s very sad when you see a 11 year old in short shorts, halter top, 3 inch sandals, and makeup on. =(
Good post and I very much agree with you. Age discrimination runs rampant in fashion and life isn’t over once the first wrinkle appears. Shake it, granny.
See I had a hard time with that poll. I picked older than my age, simply because people tend to guess me at an age older than I am. My first thought was younger though, because (especially in the Southeastern USA)people just generally don’t wear funny tights and bright neon colors after age twelve or so. You hit thirteen and you’re supposed to skank it up in Ugg boots (UGH indeed), short skirts and shirts so thin and whispy that it looks like you stole your mother’s camisole. At the park just yesterday I couldn’t tell if two young girls there were thirteen or fifteen. Not a huge age difference there, but in how you dress I feel there generally should be (or maybe just used to be).
But as you said and I’ve always thought, dressing an AGE makes no sense, you should dress YOU. I guess if they felt like generic females, then they were dressing themselves, and that’s fine.
I digress. The point is, sometimes I can get dressed in a floofy skirt, shiny tights, combat boots and a neon striped shirt with a furry pink kitty face and six year olds like my clothes, or I can have days of short shorts, tights, combat boots (noticing the pattern?), and leather jackets, and look mid -twenties.
I like to dress my age most of the time, but there are times when I need some Gram Glam in my life, and times where I feel like a messy teenager, so I guess I let my moods dictate my age haha.
haha
I love what Patti Darling said:
” I hope one day I am the tattooed, red lipped, stilletto wearing granny that everyone talks about.”
I feel the same way. And it’s funny, every time I get a new tattoo (I have 7 tattoos and 14 piercings…most are in years…but I have plans for many more tattoos) my parents make a comment that I won’t like them anymore when I am old and full of wrinkles and saggy skin. I tell them, yes I will! And you know what, so many people are tattooed in my age bracket that it’s not going to matter if are old with tattoos.
I always like to say, “to each their own.”
I think there’s a difference between dressing young and dressing well, and dressing young and dressing poorly. Betsy Johnson can pull off her tutu’s and tights because it’s cool and the clothes actually fit her body. I work with an older woman who INSISTS on wearing knee socks and little girl jumpers, neither of which fit her well, nor flatter her figure or pretty face.
I think you can dress young to feel young, if you’re picking the right “young” elements, and if those elements still show you in your best light.
I completely agree with you. Dress how you feel, and don’t let people judge you into dressing “age-appropriately”, because that’s just lame.
I dress about my age, but I’m at the age where is socially acceptable to dress more flirty, or more mature. For the most part I just dress however the hell I want, when I want. I give two thumbs up to that woman for dressing how she feels!!
While I agree with the idea of dressing for yourself without paying particular attention to “rules,” be they for age or colour or whatever, there are definitely times when I see someone and think to myself, Wow, dress your age lady/man.
This thought pops up when (contrary to attractively described woman at the met) look awful because the person in question looks like they can’t bear to let go of bygone times in their lives (they’ve refused to let their fashion mature with them), or when they seem to have directly copied some poor sap half their age and it just doesn’t…. fit.
Haha, I guess I basically just need people to be able to pull it off if they’re going to try something out of the norm, because the norm was established for a reason – it’s the stuff that normally look good (on people of a certain age, if that’s what issue you’re looking at)
Well, I’m a classic lolita, so needless to say, even though I wear one of the more “mature” lolita styles, I still tend to dress pretty young. I absolutely adore dressing this way and never let anyone tell me that I should look otherwise.
Surprisingly, the most compliments I get are from old ladies! I think lolita clothing is reminiscent of a lot of the feminine, yet modest clothing that they wore when they were young, and they just adore it. :)
I feel that anyone can dress how they want to — who cares. BUT, I also think that wearing something that is “too young” can make the person look older and like they’re trying too hard. It just depends on the specific situation — your description sounds like a woman who was embracing her sexuality at an older age — in a STYLISH way.
As opposed to a 50yr old woman wearing teenybopper slogan shirts and denim hot pants and track shoes or something. You know? It’s so specific to me. It’s hard to explain — I’m a big fan of the show “What Not to Wear” even though they often style people in a very similar way, not really branching out too much into wilder styles, etc…. I usually always agree with their assessment of the BEFORE. And they almost always look more attractive afterward.
Anyway — often the issue is one of being “age appropriate” and the individuals look older/tryingtoohard/tacky whatever.
If it makes them happy, who cares, but I’m DEFINITELY not agreeing that it LOOKS GOOD. :D hahahahaha. There are certain items that are more timeless or dependent on having the body to pull it off. Timeless like a pencil skirt and stilettos, or having the body to pull off a backless dress! If she could pull that off while simultaneously rocking the salt and pepper hair — more power to her!!! :D It doesn’t sound like she was following a teenage trend as much as embracing a sexy style.
I’m rambling and not sure I’m making my point so I’m going to stop now. :D Hopefully I’ve made ANY sense.
I think beauty is timeless – as long as you hold elegantly it doesn’t matter what you wear/how old you are! Btw, I LOVE your blog. Please take a look at my site where I review your site.
I think there is such a thing as dressing age appropriate, you probably won’t think so until you reach your 30′s though.
It is the same situation as being a big size girl wearing a mini skirt vs. an older women with older looking legs wearing a mini skirt. Some things can be pulled off like shoes I think but other things like low cut tops that show off wrinkled up skin. I guess the more skin you show as an older women the more tacky it looks. Understandably I’ve seen women in their 40′s with bodies like teenagers, tanned and looking fabulous which those selected few may be able to pull it off, but than you have to wonder if the older face and the younger body looking image go together. I don’t know, I watched Sex In the City before it ended and loved the way they dressed and I think there were a few episodes that I thought Sarah Jessica Parker was able to pull off a look that was meant for a younger girl. I think it depends on the person.
I honestly believe that you should dress the way that makes you feel happy regardless of age, because the way you dress is so much more then just a fashion statement but its about how you feel on the inside. If you feel beautiful and love yourself that beauty will radiate through no matter what you wear. But you should always be true to who are no matter what because there will always be critics out there..besides if you got it flaunt it life’s to short to wear potato sacks once you hit your 30′s.
When I read your article, I thought about the movie “13 going on 30″, that I loved. She is dressing her age in the movie, but with a young twist, and it was -stylish-.
I think, like many others said before me, the key word is Stylish. Dressing much younger at 60. wearing backless dress? Fine! As long as it is done with style. Same with anything, actually, at any age. :D
This was wonderful to read, and the photography in that article was mind blowing! I had a tough time with that poll though if I’m honest. I even turned to my boy and asked him what he thought – To my surprise he actually said that he didn’t necessarily believe in dressing age-appropriate, which is how I feel also. I think there’s a time and a place to dress age-appropriate, like you say, for a posh dinner or a meet up with a so’s parents. But any other time I think that you should be allowed to wear what the hell you want. I’ve seen dozens of girls wear really adventurous outfits and carry it off fantastically. Of course there’s always a bit of ‘oh my’ when seeing a 45 year old lady in a mini skirt, but hey, each to their own. If it makes her feel good, then fine! I’d like to say that I dress older for my age, but I know pretty much every stranger I meet will say I look younger due to the fact that I’m a petite person (5’4). So really, that just goes to show that clothes don’t always match a persons age anyway.
Doe: Not at all! But if you’re dressing younger to feel younger without the confidence to back it up, it just won’t work.
I dress older to feel more sophisticated and worldly, and because I have the chutzpah to carry it off, it works. If I didn’t, I’d just look like I was trying to be someone I wasn’t.
Just as you say in nearly every post, I think the most important thing is to be true to your inner self, what you want, and who you want to be. If you want to look and feel younger and are confident that you can, go for it. If you’re pretending to be younger because you miss a youth you’ve left behind, it’ll just ring false.
Great post!! I say as long as bits aren’t hanging out 9at any age really) why not? I still dress like a little girl nd I don’t care.
As long as a person wears clothing that is flattering and fits well, then I don’t think it matters so much. I do think that age-appropriate clothing is important, but it’s not etched in stone.
One thing I do want to stress is that my comment applies to adults only. I think that age-appropriate clothing should be etched in the proverbial stone when it comes to children. I hate seeing 12 year old girls dressed like sexy 20-somethings on the street. That’s just begging for a crime to take place.
Honestly, I think it’s all about dressing for the situation you’re in. Hanging out at home or going out someplace casual? Go nuts and wear anything! Going to work (assuming you work at a place where business attire is required)? Eh, not so much. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with a little wild touches here and there, but a whole ensemble of tight-fitting clothes and crazy-bright colors probably won’t fly in a professional setting.
Other than that, I think people should wear what makes them happy. I do dress older than my age. I’m often mistaken for being just out of high school (I’m 22), so I dress a few years older to balance out my looks. Plus, I’m happy being the sophisticate in my classes. ;) In the summer, I tend to dress more in my age group – short-shorts, T-shirts, hemp jewelry, etc. So I don’t know, it all depends.
I have always planned on going all-out as an old lady. I’m thinking boas and bright colors, very Red Hat Society style ;D
(I first saw these ladies years ago in Vegas and my mother explained their flamboyant style to me, adorable!)
I dress like your granny if she were dressed like a four-year-old.
It makes no sense.
I think people should dress how THEY want, not how others want. I’m 16 years old, and own exactly 3 Care Bears shirts. Yay me!
I don’t like how most of the clothes teenage girls my age wear look on me (Leggings, Uggs etc.) and much prefer circle skirts and trench coats. I’m 18 and get mistaken for 20-25 quite regularly by strangers and I am not sure whether to feel flattered or distraught (when I’m actually 25 will they think I’m 35??)
Here’s a thought: it breaks my heart when I see a 10-11 year old dressing like she’s going out to a club. I just think a kid should be a kid while they still can. But if a woman of about 40-something dressed “appropriately” for a 20 year old (granted it was a sophisticated look) I’d just think she was being really cool.
Does that mean I value youth above the aging process? Dunno =s
Well, I’m kind of unusual here – I am 58 (and proud of it), definitely unusual in a makeup community or in any community that has lots of fashion conscious beautiful women under 30, LOL
I couldn’t be “appropriate” if my life depended on it, really, almost literally. Nor, do I care. I’ve never chosen to try to “look” any age and I don’t now. My hair is long and grey, I wear makeup that rivals our Deere Doe’s in starkness at times and sometimes I don’t wear any at all.
My clothes, well, clean sweats are kind of formal but I wouldn’t kick a mini skirt out because of my age, I wear bare middle to yoga and wherever else it takes my fancy; I was all over the baby doll kick because it’s so comfy, no fashion or age statement intended.
Really, nothing is sacred and I like it that way!
I do want to tell some of you that the news is good. I see some of you think that certain age changes come much earlier than they usually do; not only that, but you guys and gals are going to age so much better than ever before as it is.
I say I’d love to see you all plan to do exactly what you please and screw the “police” ;~)
I guess the key here is, as it always is, to wear clothes that you honestly feel good in and that actually fit you. Fit is so often forgotten about these days. Something that doesn’t fit right can never look good no matter how age appropriate it is.
i like the idea of dressing ones age…age in the heart, that is!!! i still go coucou over cute pattenrs, tshirts with cartoon heroes, playfully colourful tights and ribbons on my hair!
Many people say that i look like im 15 (im 22) but i dont feel “serious” enough to dress like a 22 year old…and how is that anyway???
many girls at my university dress up like mom, dark colored skirts, various boring shirts and big bags…or flared trousers and v neck blouses…total mom look :P it kind of scares me…
by the way sb dresses, i do agree that you cant tell everything them, but you can clearly see what THEY want to be perceived as.
im pretty sure i dont mind about people dressing their age or not…but it would really spoil my viewing pleaure if an individual looked ridiculous (according to my taste of course)
I ALWAYS think about this, and how sad it will be when I feel marginalised if I wear whatever I want at a certain age. I’m only 21 and already feel like options are slipping away, as dramatic as that may sound. I think I deliberately dress as OTT as possible sometimes because i have a “while I still can” mentality. I also think its harder for those more flamboyant, theatrical dressers to adhere to the age- appropriate thing, because some people never thought their attire was appropriate in the first place, at any age!! I think we should just wear whatever we want at any age, but be aware that a thick skin and the projection of inner self confidence may be neccessary as we get older- prepare ourselves for people staring. You only live once, so why dull yourself down and feel less than fabulous?!
Hmmmm….what a thought provoking post! Dress-coded situations excepted,I think people should dress to reflect their personalities and/or mood.I think it’s sad that once we reach a certain age, we are expected to break out the lawn bowls uniform, and get a “sensible” haircut.
I once saw an old lady in big chunky boots and a long brightly coloured skirt, with her white hair in dreadlocks! She didn’t look like she was trying to be young, or trying to be something she wasn’t. She looked very comfortable in her own skin, and pretty damn cool I thought! Obviously she was a bit of a non-comformist, and this was her style, and a reflection of who she was. Her style would’ve indeed looked stupid if worn by say, my mother (!), or someone else whose personality just didn’t match it, but this lady looked natural that way.
I’ve always dressed youngish, because I love the playfulness and whimsy of it. Recently however, after becoming a mother and gaining a few pounds, I’m not comfortable wearing those same clothes. But not because of my age, just because of my current physical appearance. As a result of this “style repression” I feel dowdy and boring! So I’m on a “get fit” mission so I can go back to wearing the fun quirky clothes i love, and feel like ME again!
Clothes don’t have to match your age- just your personality.
I dress as I feel . I agree with you!
I think one of the saddest things is women in their 30s and older who start dressing like old women. Just because you turn 30 (or 40 or 50), get married, have kids or whatever doesn’t mean you have look like you’ve given up on yourself. I guess some people are more interested in looking “uncomfortable” but I could never be comfortable in ugly shoes!
I act younger than my age when I’m really happy, hehe! My boyfriend loves it, but my sister hates! x.x’
Even so, everyone says I’m too mature for my age…
So, I don’t really know how to answer!
I think it’s silly to say there’s age-appropriately clothes! My mother is almost 50 and she’s still stylish, use skits, colorful dresses…
And then everyone says she doesn’t look her age, instead of saying she should dress her age!
She dresses the way she feels and that makes her look younger! She does not let age define her feelings and expressions!
I admire her a lot for this and hope I’ll be just like her in the future! *-*
If people dress in non-flattering clothes at any age, they will be judged for it by the masses. That’s just the way it is, regardless of whether it is age appropriate.
I love to dress in a multitude of ways depending on my mood. I just make sure that it is flattering to me. If I feel an outfit doesn’t flatter my body and look good, I won’t wear it. I think that needs to be a guiding principle for people…not whether it is particularly age appropriate.
I think a persons viewpoint on whether someone should dress age appropriately or not depends on their opinion of clothes. Some wear clothes as an expression of themselves, some try to make social or political statements with their clothes, while others wear clothes simply to cover and conceal.
If a person wears clothes to convey aspects of themselves then I doubt they would think that dressing “age appropriately” is really of much importance, as they dress for themselves and not for anyone else.
Another thing, who decided what dressing age appropriately is anyway? Who said that young people should be allowed to expose more flesh than older people? It’s just a taboo in society and it shouldn’t really matter what others think of you, if you’re happy then thats the main thing :)
I just dress how I like really, and I’ll continue to do so. I might not like how older people present themselves if they’re dressing “too young” but it’s really none of my business, if someone told me they didn’t like how I dress then I’d be really angry! I don’t think it’s my place to tell anybody else that I don’t like what they’re wearing.
When I’m older I think I’m definitely going to take Vivienne Westwood as inspiration – she certainly doesn’t care what other people think of her, and she looks incredible!
xx
My grandmother was complaining about a woman we know who is in her 60′s and about to be a grandmother, because she has long hair. I honestly don’t think long hair is that big of a deal. Her recently added nose ring, though, I would have to say is distasteful…
hmmm. I agree with the idea that people should dress to please themselves, and don’t think that a lady should have to resort to “frumpy” clothes once she reaches any particular age or life phase. I have to admit to finding it distateful when older ladies dress in fashions that are meant for much younger people. It’s sometimes a fine line, though. A short full skirt and clunky mary-janes with white tights and a little plaid jacket with a bow was recently observed on an office worker of maybe 50. It didn’t look good. She seemed to be trying WAY too hard. If it had been a slimmer skirt, even the same length, dark tights, mary janes with a more streamlined profile and a tailored jacket, it would have been fine, and not frumpy at all.
I think there’s a certain style that only comes with age, and we should embrace it. Remember Helen Mirren at the Oscars a few years ago? Not frumpy at all, not covered up to the chin, totally sexy, but age appropriate. That dress would have not reached it’s potential on a 20 year old.
For the record, I’m 36, sartorially pretty ridiculous, but usually vintage-y and pretty modest. My life lets me play a lot with my look. It’s fun.
Oh, btw, I don’t think there’s anything disgusting about wrinkles, I think long hair on old ladies can be very beautiful, and that there’s a time and a place for pretty much everything. 50 year old wants to wear hotpants at Burning Man? Go for it. :)
I agree and disagree. I agree people should be free to wear whatever the hell they want but at the same time I think people should dress age appropriately.
I think if the 60yo wants to wear a mini skirt…good for her! I plan on it when I reach that age…and I will also be wearing limecrime makeup, too! I’m pushing 40, and many people guess me to be 27yo….wow….what a compliment!
I say if you have the body and you fell great in what you’re wearing, go for it! ^3^
[...] Doe Deere asks “Should we Dress Age-Appropriately“, a very interesting post in itself, made doubly so by some of the reader responses. [...]