Photo: Gorgasm

I wish I could tell you about the day I became a feminist. A grandiose, life-altering event that makes me realize the world is an unfair place and the chicks gotta stick together like sushi rice! But I’m afraid there wasn’t such a day, nor such an event – like Maybelline, I was born with it.

The moment I crawled out of my mother’s womb kicking and screaming, I knew that having a vagina was not going to make me inferior to a man. (Yes, I was already contemplating on the role of vaginas as a newborn. You could say I started early.) My upbringing solidified my beliefs – all the females in my bloodline were rather assertive, at times nearing the point of matriarchy. (Let’s face it, the ‘daddy is always right’ line was just an attempt for my authoritative grandmother to fit into the exceedingly sexist Soviet society.) Being treated as an equal – or better – by men was not some sort of a fictional ideal to which we, girls, were to aspire; it was the norm.

The harsh reality caught up with me when I grew up and began observing the dynamics of other families and gender interactions within them. Suddenly, I felt lucky to have never been told to shut up because I’m a woman, or expected to do all the home chores vastly on my own, or presented with a list of rules for ‘acceptable female behavior’ around the house. The world’s chauvinism hit me like a Freightliner truck full of robust chauvinist piglets.

As I became more outspoken about my beliefs in my early 20s, a lot of questions came pouring in. Mostly, they were criticisms from men – and sometimes women – who mistook feminism for something awful, unnatural, and worthy of contempt. Here are some of the most common misconceptions I’d caught and had to dispel throughout the years. (MAN, does it feel good to get it off my chest! haha)

Top 9 Myths About Feminism

  • 1. Gender equality = not making any difference between the genders.
    Although it sounds like it could be right, it isn’t. Most feminists clearly distinguish the difference between the role of a woman from the role of a man. Our goal is not to erase the difference between genders but to give women choices and equity, while acknowledging the differences.
  • 2. A woman can’t be feminine and a feminist at the same time.
    If that were the case, this community wouldn’t exist. :) Fundamentally, feminism is about giving women the right of choice, not limiting self-expression. As long as we realize that our choice to act in a ‘traditionally feminine’ way is just that – a choice – it’s all good!

    On the whole, femininity – or lack of it – is just a personal nuance that has nothing to do with the feminist movement. Men can be feminists too – my husband is one of them.

  • 3. Feminists must just be bitter and hate men!
    Bitterness a feminist does not make; anyone can be bitter. :) Although we do acknowledge the oppression that women have suffered historically, feminists generally don’t hate men (exceptions are men who exhibit sexist behavior). Nor do we think of men as the source of all evil – in my experience, women can be just as big a pain in the ass as men. :)
  • 4. Men are disposable.
    Who needs men, right? Wrong. Feminists acknowledge that a woman (a straight one, at least) does need a man to be happy, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s called love, baby! :)
  • 5. Feminists don’t believe in marriage.
    I’m sure some radicals don’t, but most do. We just don’t believe in rushing into marriage for all the wrong reasons (like social pressure to get married and have a child by a certain age). Come the right man – we’ll marry him. Eventually. ;D
  • 6. A feminist will get offended by any gesture of gallantry.
    The ‘Don’t hold the door for her or she’ll smack you!!’ types are mythical creatures, I’m ‘fraid. It would take an extremely unhappy person to react in such a violent way to such an innocent gesture (haha!) – and feminism has nothing to do with that.
  • 7. What about paying for a her dinner?
    It’s perfectly acceptable to offer. Whether she goes for it or slaps a fat Jackson on the table is a whole different story, but there is no harm in trying. Most feminists will appreciate the gesture.
  • 8. All feminists have a lot of sexual hang-ups and issues with sexuality.
    While feminism does study female sexuality, it doesn’t singularly focus on it in a negative way. Rape is one of the bigger issues; but there are also others, such as how women can have more gratifying sexual experiences. Here’s a short & sweet explaination about sex-positive feminists and their beliefs.
  • 9. Feminism might have been necessary in the past, but now that women have been made pretty much equal, there is no need for it.
    Women are still not equal (just look around the world), and as long chauvinism abounds, I say our work is not done. Also, feminism focuses not only on the equality between men and women, but also equality between every gender, race, class and sexual orientation.

Deerlings: care to help me find the 10th (100th, etc) misconception?