Disclaimer: I do not endorse any of the nationalist beliefs mentioned below.
Img via Flickr
Today I found out that my ex – the only guy I’ve ever dated before Mark – had died 3 years ago. Richard & I went out for a whopping 2 weeks and I was shocked to find out he was discovered dead on the streets of NYC & had been robbed – unclear in which succession.
It’s one of those awkward situations where you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. On one hand, the person you once knew is no longer here. On the other, Richard was a racist, a white supremacist & an ultimate fuckup – and I mean this in the sincerest way possible, with no trace of exaggeration.
I didn’t exactly gather what he was when we first met. He was in a Viking metal band and resided in a converted bell tower apartment (an actual church) in Carrol Gardens, which in and of itself made him an interesting date. He was surprisingly well-versed in Norse mythology and even humored my at-the-time conviction I was a Viking. He seemed cheery and always in good spirits & his friends were fascinated with my pale complexion and long red hair. And then strange things began to happen. On our second date, Richard presented me with a black metal mixtape and made me watch a snuff film. He tried to make out with me but I was too distracted by the satanic goat skull protruding from the wall. We fought over whether white women should really only marry white males to preserve the “glorious white race” (take a wild guess which side of the argument he was on!).
When Richard invited me to a NSBM party (women got in for free because apparently it’s hard to convince girls to partake in these things), I knew I had to call it quits. Not that I believed these guys were capable of actually doing anything evil – they were too busy collecting obscure vinyls & talking about running around the forest with an axe and white paint all over their face – but I strongly disagreed with their convictions. He seemed mildly daunted by the breakup; luckily his trusty WWI memorabilia kept him company. We went our separate ways and barely saw each other for many years to come. I believe his last words to me were, “Xena, you are living in a man’s world.” Did I mention he was a chauvinist too?
I don’t know if I could say Richard will be missed as I didn’t know him all that well, but he will certainly be remembered. Just like everyone else, I believe I encountered him for a reason. If nothing else, the man was a non-stop comic relief for us for years. Never had I met someone so outlandishly intolerant, stubborn to the point of naivety & so blindly devoted to possibly the most worthless cause on the planet!!! His mere existence proves that the spirit of prejudice, bigotry & racism is still alive & well in the heart of one the most progressive cities in the world. Next time I drive by a bell tower, I’ll picture Rich sitting up there cradling an AK47 with a nazi helmet on his dopy head.
Oh wow, that’s taking the white supremeist to a whole new level. O.O Good thing you got away from that mess.
I actually dated a guy (for over a year) who held delusions that we was, in fact, the antichrist. Not in any power-mad way, but that he was the one intended to bring down Christian religion. Scary and weird and funny all at the same time.
Yuck, the whole thing sounds like kind of a tragic mess. I’ll never understand people like Richard, at all. I’m glad you got out of there, sometimes people who seems harmless but just have stupid convictions can in fact, turn out to be very harmful. You’d be surprised what people will do when they’re pushed or surrounded by a group that will back them up.
And, um, at the risk of sounding a little obnoxious, I do want to say not everyone into Norse mythology or heathenism is like that! Unfortunately, like any other alternative spirituality, there are those nutcases who come to it looking for a reason to hate; and when you’re looking that hard for an excuse, you’ll always be able to find it.
Oh, and on the subject of dating intolerant people; I once dated a guy who got pissed at me because I didn’t want to go out on Halloween but rather stay in and celebrate it by myself. I was Wiccan at the time and Halloween falls right around Samhain, which is a sort of honoring your ancestors holiday. He then gave me a lecture about going to hell and couldn’t understand why I broke up with him! Loser!
Guy sounds like my dad. Racist, chauvinistic… yeah. Though as far as I know he doesn’t harbor any ‘hanging animal skulls on the wall” tendencies. But my mom has a tattoo of one on her ankle. Absolutely hideous, and she wants to take it off.
As much as I’d like to comment on this uncomfortable and touchy subject, words currently elude me.
But what I can say is this: as an avid believer in NLP, I believe the type of energy you emit is the type of energy you’ll attract. That being said, I believe Rich was paid in full by the NLP/karmic system. Even though we as humans tend to believe we’re always right just because our intial thoughts belong to us, I believe an unwritten, yet very official concept of right and wrong exists.
Unfortunately, as long as humans endure, irrational and unfair discrimination will continue to continue to thrive as well. Even though I don’t agree with anything Rich or his counterparts stood for, you have my condolences.
by dating him isnt that in a way endorsing his negativity?
Wow . . . that’s both awkward and strange. A real head scratcher really. A head scratcher because it seems so out of the blue. I hope that you are ok sweat heart.If you need cheering up or anything, your fans (me included) will be here for you.
It’s people like Rich that make me ashamed to have blond hair and blue eyes and a pale complexion. I really wish ti was not like that. I can’t stand people like that; whenever I encounter them I have an urge to slap them . . . but then I realize that they are far to stupid to realize why I slapped them and why they deserved it. Though lucky me *eye roll* I live right in the middle of redneck farm country.
I to snerk at people like that . . . like seriously? Racism? It’s like slapping a HUGE bumper sticker on your forehead that says “HI! I’M A STUPID JERK! KICK ME!” It is so outdated and such a mind numbingly dumb concept I can not fathom why people would still engage in such a silly philosophy. I mean really now, it’s a tad childish now isn’t it?
*hugs you and hands you a cupcake* Be well darling.
Im CONVINCED these people are complete frigging idiots, you have to be a real ‘tard to believe that shit, or have some self esteem issues, i dunno!
Well yes on one hand, it is sad that he died, but then if that means one less racist to spread their Uber White bollocks, then maybe thats a good thing??????
Lets just HOPE TO GOD it was a white guy that robbed him, because you can bet your ass if it was a black/asian/jewish guy, that would just put fuel to the fire for his white supremist friends.
On the inside, all of us are the same colour!
My ex used to be friends with Richard. I forgot all about Richard actually, because I don’t think about my ex all that much. Anyhow, they shared a love of NSBM and neofolk.
Here’s a monkey wrench for you, my ex wasn’t white. Not passing for white in the slightest. Richard did have some “friends of color”. I can attest to that. It didn’t make him any less of a racist.
I’m pretty sure he got killed while looking for drugs in Harlem. And I do believe it was by a black person. I bring this up because Divalou was wondering.
Yikes! That’s all I can say.
She did say she flicked him when she realised how extreme he was, Zoe.
The only thing I can think after reading this is… I’d bet fifty dollars that his parents weren’t pure blood anything! Thus making him the very mutt he hated.
I always think it’s funny to see the kids running around with their SS tattoos, sharpied on Swastikas and painfully obviously Native American cheekbones with blond hair and other mixmatched bloodline signs; ’cause by any actual NS standards you kinda gotta be a pure blood to be “perfect.”
As much as the dead deserve their peace (and the living shouldn’t talk ill of the dead…) he wasn’t really a good guy huh. Kinda sad.. but my grandfather has racist tendencies… I guess it’s not as extreme but he does believe each race should marry their own race. I don’t think he minds the white people as much.. but he absolutely looks down on african american. (We’re asian) I think it’s worse in one race countries since you don’t even encounter other races easily.
Wow. I too dated a white supremacist named Richard…
@kate
she didnt say exactly how long the relationship lasted but by the 2nd date they were watching snuff flims?! yikes.
correction:
One snuff film was watched lol
xenia, i thought i heard somewhere that snuff films are urban legends, do they really exist?
just a curious question.
Odd how things turn out in this world and glad you’re in a much better place with Mark.
@Zoe We all make mistakes. We all fall in with the wrong crowd. Making the mistake isn’t what is “fatal” but rather how we handle the situation.
If we were all condemned for one act of negativity, of not making the right decision immediately, then there wouldn’t be one among us that could walk with our head held high.
Energy, negative or otherwise, is fluid and can be changed and rectified.
What a classy fellow; chauvinist, racist, and a douche.
Its not uncommon for people with so much hate in their hearts to be plucked by karma =/ He had it coming.
i have a very similar past ex and since i did at one time care greatly about him i am torn when i think back about him because he was such a bad person.
I remember a couple years ago, I dated a man that was very racist. It is kind of a long and bizarre experience, but I want to share it.
I have very fair and pale skin, and naturally almost black hair that I straighten but my father comes from Jamaica, so from looking at me most people wouldn’t guess that. I look neither white or black, I am just unmistakably me. After meeting this guy I quickly learned that I can’t assume people are going to be okay with what I am.
I never really noticed that he was such a racist, he never said anything like that. I thought he kind of looked like a skinhead when we met, but at the time I told myself that not everyone with a shaved head is neo nazi.
I always assumed he knew I wasn’t white, but I was very wrong. One day he asked me about it, he said although my looks were beautiful but I was unlike anything he’d seen before, so I told him. All he could say was how exotic and strange that was, he seemed pretty disgusted actually, now that I look back on it.
He continued to want to see me though, but it was different. He would always sit or stand some distance away from me, but would just stare at me and not say much at all. He would tell me how beautiful I was and how much he wanted to kiss or touch me but that he could not. He wouldn’t tell me why, I was starting to think their was something wrong with him at this point, I didn’t think that it was ME.
I found out eventually, when he took me to this rather scary place to hang out. It was like an abandoned construction site. He pulled up his shirt and their were all these tattoos, really hateful and horrible things all over him. I was so scared, in an empty lot at two in the morning. He then told me some not so nice things, according to him I was some evil black temptress. He sent me on my way, running home all alone in the wee hours of the morning.
Never imagined I’d read anything like this from you. If your family is anything like mine, I can picture exactly what Richard being your non-stop comic relief for years looked like. XD
I like this – it makes me awful exes look normal by comparison XD (and one of mine stalked me after… be glad you didn’t get stalked!)
Eeek, what a wacko. I’m sorry he died in such a brutal fashion, but maybe people who have brutal souls attract that kind of thing? :/ I don’t know.
Anyway, I think you are a smart girl for dumping him! People can believe what they want, but that doesn’t mean YOU have to be around it if it makes you uncomfortable. What a shady guy…a snuff film on the second date? (Or ever?!) No thanks. The black metal and Norse mythology is fine, but everything else…X_X
O_o My goodness… I’m sorry to hear that the man died, but you know what they say… “those who live by the sword –”
I find the subjects of prejudice and race to be on the one hand fascinating, and on the other absolutely terrifying. I’m multicultural. I’m the kinda gal that marks “other” on ethnic background questions on surveys, but I don’t look like a minority particularly so people have said some racist comments about other people when around me. I suppose they assume that because I look “white” I must be so, and will consequently not be offended by their rude remarks about someone else who actually is the same heritage as me.
I never never NEVER could understand racism when I was a kid. It’s still not okay with me, but I suppose I can see where *some* people are coming from, particularly older generations who have been victims of war over cultural misunderstandings are aggressive political agendas. My grandma is by and large one of the most tolerant people I know today. However, she refused to let my aunt date one fellow of a certain race when she was a teen because of his ethnicity. Now, hear me out before you judge on this one! ;)
You see, my aunt was Chinese American. My grandmother is Chinese (she’s originally from what is today Guanzhou, I believe). The boyfriend in question was Japanese. During WWII, the Japanese burned down my grandmother’s village. She was fourteen at the time. She fled for her life, and never saw her family again or returned to her home country. This was before media invading every aspect of our lives, so this was probably the only exposure to the Japanese that she had had at that point. Years later, she informed my aunt that she could date any ethnicity she wanted, except Japanese.
My aunt was crushed. She told the boy she couldn’t see him any more, and before they permanently parted ways he left her with a note. In closing it said, “You are no longer a Chinese girl, and I am no longer a Japanese boy. We are both Americans.”
My Chinese teacher firmly believe that DNA tests would bring world peace. She had one done a while back. She’s from Taiwan, but genetically she is most identical to people of the Tibetan area. Of course she is also ethnically Chinese, but there is also evidence that she is related to the Flathead Native Americans of Washington state–and she’s from TAIWON!!! Whhhaaaa…?? Hahaha…If we look back far enough, I’m fairly certain there is no such thing as “pure” racial lines.
This sounds like a horrible experience, and I’m sorry you had to go through it. It makes me sick at heart to see that there are still people in this world like that; the only thing that encourages me is how very, very far we’ve come. We’ll get there eventually.
Wow. I really can’t imagine you dating someone like that at all, Doe. You seem like too strong and vibrant a person to be tied to someone who holds those viewpoints. But, of course, we can all be misled and make dating mistakes.
I’m not really sure how I would feel at this news (that he died) either…but I think I’d be more glad that there’s one less person like that in the world, than I would be sad over the death of someone I knew in the past. If that makes sense.
x
Gosh! I just couldn’t believe it when I was reading your post… you were describing a guy that liked me at school! Really! He listened to black metal, said he followed satan, was a racist and a chauvinist! Really.. if I didn’t know who you were talking about I’d think it was about him!
Still, by the time he liked me he pretended to be a totally different person! Lucky me I was liking someone else and, even if many friends said I should date the guy, I decided I’d not betray my heart ^^’! (I’m a helpless romantic…)
Later he showed his true-self and I’ve never been so scared! He followed me, picked up fights with the friend I was interested in, was really rude to my friends and kept saying things that were almost like calling me a prostitute…
After school was over he made a fake profile on the internet to spy on me and that was the end of the line!
I told him to stay away from me for good and never speak to me again…
Still, he goes to the same university I do… but it does not matter! Friendship is over…
A loss of a person is always sad but… it’s even more sad to see there’s still people that think there’s such a thing as white supremacy…
Wo. I think more than just calling this guy a freak, deluded, living in the past etc, it’s dangerous.
Sure people like Richard are crazy, bu they tend to believe in their cause so wholeheartedly that they go and get themselves killed or kill others.
O and Zoe, Xenia said they dated for two weeks.
And in regards to snuff films, I think most that people can get their hands on are fake but with all the other horrible stuff in this world I would say real ones definitely exist.
how long did you get to know him before you dated him?
usually before i even really befriend anyone we have conversations about their views and everything. im very blunt and will not put up with people who are so stupid. But ive made a few mistakes with people too and dropped them like a hot potato.
I’m just glad you got out of it before something bad happened to you, because people that ignorant can be very dangerous.
Ewwww! Sometimes we meet awful people, but that must mean something in our lives. See it as a joke :P
The closest to that guy I’ve been walking with was an ex of mine that only had the same metal tastes. Ah, and some gore grind too (ewwwwwwwwwwwww)
Kisses from Lisbon
I once knew this guy who was running around with a Vietnamese gang in Vancouver. He was really nice to me at first, and then he showed me his true evil self.
He ended up dead, shot, execution style. I don’t miss him, and believe he got what he deserved. Pure fucking evil only attracts pure fucking evil. I hope you feel better soon, Doe. People like that are hardly worth a thought…
wow O_O that wouldnt be a fun expirience. people like that… just aren’t well. i had an ex that threatened to kill himself over me after i tryed to talk to him about his sudden angry mood swings. i decided if he decided to do that, it wasnt my fault. he never did, but i was a total wreck for months. not good :\
Thanks for backing me up, guys. I only went out twice with him before discovering his true nature. I’m definitely not the kind of person to “hang out with the wrong crowd”.
♦ Zoe
The one I saw was definitely fake! It was really low-budget and at one point portrayed violence towards an animal, which – fake or real – I have zero tolerance for.
Doe, your post has obviously stirred up a lot in people. But I would have to say sometimes the most dangerous people are the ones who hide their true colors at first glance, and agree that it’s very good you got away from him.
Personally, I’ve dealt with anti-Semitism. I’m part Native American, so I don’t have all the ‘characteristic’ or stereotypical ‘Jewish features,’ which is a blessing and a curse. It surprises me how much people will say when no ‘representative’ of a ethnicity, etc. is in the room. It’s really troubling, to be honest. People I thought I knew had prejudices about an entire culture and group of people that they knew next to nothing about.
A few years ago, around the holiday season, I mentioned something about Hanukkah to my friend Tim. He asked if I was Jewish. I said yes. He said to me, “I just can’t agree with that. It’s wrong.” We’d gone to school together for years and he stopped talking to me after that. He had daggers in his eyes whenever he looked at me from then on.
I guess my point is having someone like that out of your life is a blessing. It’s sad Richard has passed on, but maybe the hate in him has died and left the world for good.
Wow.
Thank you, Doe, for always blogging about the uncomfortable things that promote such interesting discussions!
I haven’t dated a white supremacist, but I did date a guy who… Well. He said he was atheist, but atheism to him means hating all Christians.
It was really difficult to be around him, even though other things about him were really awesome. I’m not Christian myself, but I cannot stand being around such negativity. He would always point to the bloodiest parts of Christianity while blithely ignoring the fact that it was incredibly hypocritical for him to say that all Christians should die simply for being Christian. It seemed almost all consuming for him. I had to leave due to that.
I haven’t dated a white supremacist, but I did date a guy who… Well. He said he was atheist, but atheism to him means hating all Christians.
It was really difficult to be around him, even though other things about him were really awesome. I’m not Christian myself, but I cannot stand being around such negativity. He would always point to the bloodiest parts of Christianity while blithely ignoring the fact that it was incredibly hypocritical for him to say that all Christians should die simply for being Christian. It seemed almost all consuming for him. I had to leave due to that.
P.S. – Sorry, forgot to tell you great post!
As a Heathen woman living reasonably close to the city I unfortunately cross paths with many “Richards”. It’s a terrible epidemic, to varying degrees, but terrible nonetheless. I have no tolerance whatsoever for racial intolerance or sexism.
It’s racist people like Richard who keep myself and the true Heathens I know on the defensive. Imagine THAT being the common stereotype of your belief system!
That being said, you have the right to feel whatever grief you feel.
I hate to speak ill of the dead, but good riddance to him. I’d rather not live in fear of people like that and I find it a little comforting that there’s one less in the world.
Sorry if this comment has offended anyone.
Doe, I’m So Glad You’ve Found Someone Better, And Thank Goodness You Got Out Of Such A Horrid Situation So Quickly.
There Are Too Many Racists In This World. Some Clearly Show It But Some Hide It So Well, I Have Recently Had To Break Off A Friendship With Someone Who Was One Of My Best Friends For Two Years, I Am White And My Last Two (& Well Only Two) Boyfriends Have Been Black. When This So Called Friend Found Out He Would Constantly Make Jokes About Their Race And I Frequently Heard Him Mention The “N” Word To Other Friends.
People Need To Learn That Racism Is Wrong And Should Not Be Tolerated In Todays Society. There Are Some Terrible White People Who Are Clearly Racist But I Think Some People Need To Be Reminded That Other Races Too Have Racist Views.
Maybe It Issues Like These Should Be Discussed In Schools, It Must Be Hard For Children Who Only Learn From Their Parents Views Especially If The Parents Are Racist. Also Anti-Semitism Is A Bigger Issue Than People Think, A Lot Of My Friends Who, Like Me Do Not Tolerate Racism, However They Make Jokes About Jews.
Thankyou For Another Great Entry Doe, I Hope This Opens More Peoples Eyes To The Terrifying Issues That Still Surround Our Society.
xoxo
xoxo
ouch…may he rest in peace wherever he is but…that WAS a shocking story!!
Sadly there are still this kind of nutcases but i cant but feel sorry for them…good thing you got away from him soon enough.
My brother is into Vikings anf the Nords and of course metal music in all its forms and i worry about him every day. Even if i do listen to some metal myself i know that many dangers lie specifically in this kind of music…
anyway…thanks for the lesson to the rest of us…i guess unique and weird is not always goos news ,huh?
This has nothing to do with white supremacy or your ex, but this reminded me of MY horrible ex.
I had a boyfriend when I was a sophomore in high school that was obsessed with me but treated me horribly at the same time. He manipulated me into doing sexual stuff I wasn’t comfortable with, told me that he was “more attracted” to his ex than he was to me, and called me “pudgy” (at 5’5″/110 lbs.). That last one was the last straw, I broke it off.
After I dumped him he joined wood shop class in high school to make a guitar… shaped like my hips. And told everyone.
You be surprised , it is not the WHITEs who are racist only. I know some black people who are and Latin who are as well, but with their own race. light skin latin people hate the dark skin ones.. WHATEVER…
I would like it if everyone trace their roots, it would all lead to AFRICA somehow, no one is 100% of anything, WE ARE ALL MIXED believe it or not. People need to get over themselves, but what a sad life he must of lived…I’m sure he was miserable all the time even behind the smiles and laughter. G;ad you kicked him to the curb.
A few of you have talked about DNA and root tracing but all that does is bring up the 1 drop rule that people are now sort of beginning to move on from. I think the tracing of those kinds of roots is just so wrong.
People are always dissecting themselves down to a cookie recipe! 1 part this, 1 part that! You are of the country you are born in, not the eight countries that your different relatives were born.
As a metalhead, I’ve run into more than my fair share of guys like this. It’s a shame because they feul the stereotypes about us.
It’s always odd and a little saddening to hear about people we knew who have died, especially people who impacted our lives in a less-than-positive way. I’ve had ex-bullies die recently and the feelings that stirs up are … interesting.
Not all metalheads are extremeists. Not all extremists are metalheads, but when the twain meet, scary things can happen.
Elrodien, please don’t worry for your brother listening to metal music – unless he exhibits other signs of taking on racist / extremist ideas.
Metal means different things to different people – viking metal is my favorite genre and I am NOT a racist. A lot of the music relates to themes of staying true to yourself, finding strength from within, and standing up for what you believe in. Those are good qualities to foster :)
Let the dead be at rest, no matter how awful they were in life.
I don’t agree at all with these kind of people but I was a bit shocked at this post.
I would just like to clarify I listen to viking metal and black metal, not every metal band out there is NSBM. I do not believe in the white supremacy crap. I am not white. I am not a satanist. There are the Beavis and Butthead metalheads and then are those who are not chauvinistic at all. I do not have goat horns on my wall. I do have cds with goats on it but it does not reflect anything of that nature. My favorite viking bands are not racist in the slightest. I have met them in person and they are nothing but kind to me. I have been around the metal scene for years and never encountered racism being a minority. There are weirdos in every scene yes and who take it to the extreme or use it to make them seem hardcore and “different” or they just plainly have issues to begin with.
If anything, I have encountered strange things from other scenes but I don’t paint the scene with the same brush because of one person. I love black metal but also other genres of music. Being a fan of extreme metal does not mean I am into weird kinky stuff, but to each their own. I know metal makes some people feel uncomfortable and I understand that.
It is ridiculous when you meet people who spout rhetoric, I was talking to a friend about this the other day. I have met people who do not believe in “race mixing”. I know many backgrounds who still believe in not being with other nationalities romantically or physically, it does not mean they are racist, they still have friends of other nationalities, they simply refuse to date/marry them and then there are those who are more extreme.
There was a band called Skrewdriver, a white power band where the singer was racist and yet eventually dated a Filipino woman and has children with her. It’s all a hypocrisy.